


Last Chance:  A Bridgerton Tale about Anthony

by jazzyxwrites



Category: Bridgerton (TV), Bridgerton Series - Julia Quinn
Genre: Alternate Universe - Bridgerton (TV) Fusion, And I thought I was good in English bwhahaha, Anthony Bridgerton x original character - Freeform, Arranged Marriage, Dominant Henry Cavill, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Explicit Sexual Content, F/M, Forced Marriage, Have not read the books but love the show, Henry Cavill- Freeform, I will take creative liberties, I will take historical creative liberties because looking things up will take too much time, Johnathan Bailey, Johnathan Bailey.. By god, Loss of Virginity, My First Smut, Not Canon Compliant, Read as Y/N if you want, Romance, SPOILERS: DO NOT READ IF YOU DO NOT KNOW WHO LADY WHISTLEDOWN IS, Smut, Someone wrote this in the tags of their fics and I am gonna steal it: 'No BETA we die like men'., Such a good actor and ridiculously handsome, no beta all my own stupid errrors
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-13
Updated: 2021-03-17
Packaged: 2021-03-18 07:49:04
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 45,890
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28739769
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jazzyxwrites/pseuds/jazzyxwrites
Summary: Anthony Bridgerton has snubbed so many marriage candidates his mother is at a loss and thinks her son will never wed. Anthony is, to his mother's dismay, still very much in love with his former girlfriend Sienna Rosso, who has moved on to marry someone else. Yet he still can not forget about her and therefore finds excuses to dismiss one woman after the other. He does the same with Mara Kensington, an old spinster regarding to society's standards, but an unfortunate meeting results into  to their lives intertwining. They marry but it is a marriage of convenience at first, even though Anthony likes to visit her bedroom at night but the relationship has his considerable ups and downs and the two argue.. a lot."Are you denying your husband?", he asks with her clenched teeth, angrily. She doesn't respond but just stares at him defiantly."Lie down",  Anthony demands but Mara shakes her head."I said.. LIE DOWN", Anthony repeats angrily..  The sentence is out before Mara realises it."MAKE ME", she says. "Fine. Challenge ACCEPTED" and he steps towards her hurriedly.
Relationships: Simon Basset & Daphne Bridgerton, anthony bridgerton - Relationship, anthony bridgerton x original character, bridgerton - Relationship
Comments: 18
Kudos: 140





	1. An Unfortunate Meeting

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Johnathan Bailey who has captured my heart as Anthony Bridgerton](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=Johnathan+Bailey+who+has+captured+my+heart+as+Anthony+Bridgerton).



> Here me goes again with another forced marriage story, they are my kink apparently but this time about Bridgerton.. I watched that show, adored that show; got inspired and well here is the result...
> 
> I have used Mara as a character again (the name) because it is easy but this time she has a different background. This will be hot and steamy.. at least I hope can pull off writing smut as much as I like to read about it.
> 
> You may read Anthony Bridgerton x Y/N if you want. As, with my other story, 'A SEA BETWEEN" (another forced marriage fic but alternative universe) this story is about you if you want it to be..
> 
> Humble request: I love to write but it is timeconsuming especially since I am not a native Brit (ugh whyyy not) so it takes HOURSS (but I love doing it) but I love sharing my ideas here and getting feedback.
> 
> If you like my stories and want to help out an struggling fanfic writer please buy me a coffee:
> 
> http://www.buymeacoffee.com/jazzyxwrites
> 
> I would be sooo grateful and get motivated to post a lot more, for instance write 2 chapters a week of this story instead of one.
> 
> Thank you so much.
> 
> P.s. The story is mine but I do NOT own the Bridgerton characters  
> PS2: SPOILERS: DO NOT READ IF YOU DO NOT KNOW WHO LADY WHISTLEDOWN IS  
> PS3: Picture of "Anthony" is not mine, will credit later. FOR JOHNATHAN BAILEY who has captured my heart as Anthony Bridgerton

Lady Bridgerton was at a loss. This had to succeed, she so hoped it would for her son Anthony had already turned down several ladies, and if this too failed... No, she did not want to think about it. Still obviously _attached_ to 'the opera singer', her had something to say about potential suitors, so much so that many a parent would not even accept a visit from the Bridgerton's anymore. It was clear to them that the viscount had no serious intention of marrying their daughters and therefore invitations for "tea" were denied.

This was Anthony's last chance, and if he didn't agree to marrying her.. She sighed and shook her head.. Another wrinkle had appeared on her face, she had seen so in the morning and she was adamant it was because of Anthony's antics.

Anthony Bridgerton did not feel very worried, on the contrary he considered it an unnecessary waste of his precious time but no big problem otherwise as he would do the same as before.

He would drop in on a potential candidate, say there was no chemistry between them and move on to the next candidate. His mother insisted that he get married, but he didn't need to.

He could not marry the one he had loved, so what was the point of marriage? He was content with his position as head of the family, brother to seven siblings and now uncle, and he was busy enough as it was. No, the least thing he needed was a wife.

And there was the matter, the thing that.. He wasn't over _her_ yet, as much as he wanted to be... He couldn't let go of her, she was married now but still.... She still performed sporadically, and he went to the shows but hid, didn't buy a ticket for the front rows but deliberately sat in the back. He listened to her sweet voice and it hurt him as much as it made him happy. She was just as beautiful, maybe even more so now met her long curly hair, her expressive eyes, and that beautiful mouth he had loved kissing so much.

He had his uhm _needs_ of course and made sure they were met by visiting a few prostitutes but even when he slept with them he made a point of never kissing them. First out of .. hygiene reasons which was massively hypocrite, granted, but secondly he did not want to kiss anyone but her. He had tried but every time he did his thoughts wondered off to a certain opera singer and just like that it felt like someone had put a dagger into his heart.

After her performance was over, he went back silently and felt the same conflict again, euphoric because he had seen her and so sad that she could not be his, not anymore.. So no, if it were up to marry he would never, especially not some boring, generic bourgeois bint. What he knew about Mara Kensington was that she was already quite old, 26 and new to London, they had only recently moved here. Mr Kensington was a former navy general but now bided his time with running a trading company with his brother.

They had suffered a financial hit a few years ago when deals felt through because of certain conflicts the UK had had with countries in Africa but now business was booming again. The Kensington's were well off, of course they were no rival to the Bridgerton's in that case but still affluent. They had 3 children apparently, Mara was the eldest, Lucas was thirteen and Helena was six. He had one thing in common with Mara which was a dismay of getting married, but he did not know why.

In any case, this time he had to deal with an old spinster he thought, smiling. It was brilliant for now he had even more reasons to turn her down.

He got into the carriage with his mother and mocked that she was nervous, he believed that a joke might ease her nerves.

"What do you think, mother? I'm going for a record of 10 minutes this time" and he grinned. The strategy had worked briefly because he could see a smile creeping on his mother's face which she quickly changed after she saw him looking at her.

Lady Bridgerton removed her glove and hit her son with it, quite hard on his arm but it didn't phase Anthony (although he pretended it did).

"Ouch, mother. Go easy on your first-born, please", he grinned but Violet Bridgerton gave him a stern glance.

"For the love of God, Anthony. Please. Please take this seriously. You have nearly no options left" and she now had a pleading disposition and tears formulating in her eyes. Oh no. As much as he was against this idea, he did not like to see his mother hurt. He had seen her cry plenty a time, after their father had died and remembered the times where she could not get out of bed, thinking about what on earth she had to do with 8 kids on her own.

So, he took a deep breath, glanced at his mother, and nodded. They arrived at the Kensington's, a large house with white limestone and black frames, an impressive building to see, that was for sure. They reported to the butler and soon Henrietta Kensington and William Kensington arrived.

"Welcome, welcome" both said, Henrietta kissing Lady Bridgerton and William gave a hand to Anthony.

"How nice that you found our address" stammered a nervous Henrietta Kensington and mother and son looked at each other briefly, struggling to hold back their laughter.

"Well let us not just stand here in the corridor.. If you may follow us to the drawing room" Henrietta said which the Bridgerton's dutifully did. There was no sign of Miss Mara yet, to Anthony's displeasure because he wanted to have this thing over yet rather quickly.

Arriving at the drawing room, Henrietta Kensington looked apologetically at her guests.

"Please forgive my daughter. She is not in the best of moods today" she said, a little anxiously, whereupon mother and son exchanged glances, this time of curiosity.

The door opened and she stepped inside and there she stood, right in front of the fireplace. Mara Kensington, not very tall, black hair, expressive brown eyes, slightly ... thicker than the regular ladies one normally visited, and a look on her face that spoke volumes (not amused).

She bowed politely and smiled briefly at the guests but refrained from further movement.

"Mara dear, come a little closer" and her mother threw Mara a menacing look. Mara walked forward with difficulty, kissing Violet Bridgerton briefly and bowing again to Anthony.

"Pleased to meet you" she said gruffly to which the Bridgerton's replied the same.

"Now that we have become acquainted. Lady Bridgerton, I have heard that you are a big fan have the books of Mr. Collins.... I would like to show you my collection in the library".

"Oh, " said Violet coyly. "Yes, that's right. I would love to see your collection but" and she looked at Mara and her son " but perhaps another time" she replied a tad anxious.

It was not quite according to decorum to leave Anthony and Mara alone already and she was worried about the consequences.

"Oh really... But I was so looking forward to it" Henrietta stated faking her disappointment.

"Please, I would so like to discuss these wonderful books with you" to which Violet could do nothing but politely say "all right then".

The Kensington's and Lady Bridgerton, this one reluctantly, then walked out of the room, leaving Mara and Anthony alone.

An awkward silence followed which was finally broken by the "possible wedding candidate".

"Would you like some tea, Mr Bridgerton?" she asked quasi-polite, to which Anthony replied in the affirmative. Mara pointed to the sofa so that Anthony could sit down and took the teapot from a table, poured it, walked up to Anthony, and handed it to him without looking at him. She then went back to the table and put some delicacies on a plate and poured herself a cup of tea.

She sat down opposite Anthony and handed him the plate of sweets. Then silence... Uncomfortable silence but this time Anthony did something about it.

"I understand you're new to London. How do you like it so far?" Anthony wanted to know.

Mara thought for a moment and replied.

"London is an exciting city, Mr. Bridgerton. How else can I experience my stay here as very pleasant", she concluded.

"Right.." he said and for the love of him he really didn't know what subjects to bring up next, neither did she apparently but she did glance at him from time to time, a bit harshly he thought and then all the sudden she dropped a proverbial bomb.

"I do hear the opera isn't what it is used be any more in London. What a pity." she stated sarcastically, and his mouth flew open.

She knew.. It was for certain that she knew but _how?_ Didn't matter for the insinuation alone had made him suddenly truly angry, who the hell was she, to question him about his past relationships while she was a fricking spinster!

"I assure you the opera in London is wonderful, Miss Kensington, but of course it is no fun to visit these wonderful performances alone, without a companion, as you might presume. Unless the company is highly _unpleasant o_ f course" he sarcastically _stated_ , making sure she got the message.

Her face turned red because she did get the message, him calling her out for her spinsterhood and simultaneously implying her personality was unpleasant. For a second he could see he could see a flare of irritation in her eyes.

"Well, you would know everything about visiting the opera alone wouldn't you, Mr. Bridgerton" she accused, and he didn't know what to answer to that. Instead, he put down his cup and got up from the sofa.

"Thank you for tea, Miss Kensington. I apologize but I just remembered I have an appointment I am running late for. If you'll excuse me" he said before curtsying and walking out the room without looking back. He asked the butler where the library was, entered the room and stated that he was deeply sorry, but they had to go now.

"So soon, Mr Bridgerton? You only just got here" Mara's parents anxiously asked upon which Anthony answered that silly him, he had totally forgotten about the appointment and he was entirely to blame for the misunderstanding.

His mother got up, awkwardly apologized for the inconvenience and they were accompanied to the hallway by William, this time they took the exit from the back for whatever reason.

Lady Bridgerton wanted to ask her son what on earth had just occurred but decided to leave discussing to when they were both in the carriage but.. the carriage was late, and they were unwillingly complicit to hearing things they should not have, screaming voices coming from the garden in the back.

"Have you lost your damn mind child?", Henrietta asked shouting.

"Henrietta, stop.. What do you expect after...? It is not her fault, she-" he started before being interrupted by his wife.

"This was your last chance! Your last chance! There will be no other suitors, we haven't had any in age. How can you throw an opportunity away like this, you fool? He is handsome, rich, he is a Bridgerton!", Henrietta stated angrily.

She then, but the Bridgerton's did not see this because their view was obscured, stormed at her daughter, and gripped her hand tightly.

"What is your problem, Mara? Wait I know.. It is about him, isn't it? You are so daft. He has married someone else. Henry has moved on! **HE MARRIED YOUR COUSIN**. He might have promised you all sorts of things but when he was supposed to fulfil his promises, he picked _her_ ** _over_** _you_ , and of course he would. I told you not to introduce her to him! She is stunning and you are overweight and plain", she spewed.

There was an expression of shock on Violet's face which was quicky followed by, yet another expression of pity and Anthony could see that his mother felt bad for the girl.

"I really did not want to tell you this, but your Aunt Gertrude send me a letter the other day.. J jubilantly writing about the fact that she is to become a grandmother soon." Henrietta mentioned, now a bit calmer perhaps even a bit compassionate sounding.. The next minute they heard sounds of crying and someone hurriedly running away, presumably Mara.

The carriage eventually came and the two got on and sat in silence until the end of the journey.

"I am not going to ask you what happened. I am sure you had your reasons for storming out like that and I respect your decision. We will explore.. other options" and she sighed" but.. that being said. Would you mind it if I invite her for tea these days? I feel like she could use some company", Violet asked her son.

Anthony glanced at her, gave her an understanding glance, and nodded.

*******************

She visited a week later and was briefly introduced to Anthony's other siblings and immediately got on well with Eloise even though Mara was a lot older than her but apparently age wasn't a factor. She also had a good way of entertaining the younger kids by engaging them in a variety of games. Her demeanour was a lot different than to which he first had encountered, and she seemed to be rather pleasant although he did not interact with her much until..

He was working in his study until he heard a knock on the door and without looking up from his work he told whoever it was, that they could enter.

Anthony expected one of his siblings to come in, but it was Mara to his surprise, and in the background he saw Eloise running away, going after Hyacinth who had just taken one of her books and ran away with it..

Mara did not know what to do for she did not expect to be him alone with him and had expected Eloise's company at least and she nearly turned, intending to leave, before she heard him speak.

"Do come in, Miss Kensington" he said, a tad sternly, trying to give off the impression he was a busy man, and he had no time for this. On the other hand, he was a bit curious to know what she was going to say.

She entered but did not close the door, a little worrying for her reputation perhaps, which was ridiculous for they had been alone before, but she had noticed Eloise's friend, Penelope, following her just now so she was hesitant.

She glanced back and upon seeing Penelope wasn't there then shuffled forwards and stopped a few instances from his desk.

He had put down his pen and was staring at this peculiar, raven haired woman and he couldn't but think that Henrietta Kensington wasn't very astute. Her daughter was not plain at all, true she wasn't a conventional beauty, granted but not that unattractive. A bit curvier than her peers perhaps but not overweight and her skin's complexion wasn't traditionally pale like the other debutantes but slightly tan. The contrast between her hair and skin made her stand out and if she had debuted in London she would not have had any issues finding possible suitors.

All these things he noticed when he was staring at her but she on the other hand was facing the floor..

"Mr. Bridgerton, I.. I would like to apologize for my appalling behaviour the other day", she said with a slight tremble in her voice.

Anthony did not say anything, and Mara thought he probably needed more of an explanation.

"I .. was very impolite towards you and a horrible hostess. I am sorry, please accept my apology" she said, still staring at the floor, feeling awkward as heck, awaiting his response.

He waited a few moments for he did put her out of her misery.

"Apology accepted, Miss Kensington. Now if you'll excuse me I have some work to do". She looked up at him then, clearly looking relieved and a brief smile occurred on her features before she gazed back down again. She curtsied, turned, and left the room.

The following weeks Mara visited more often, her friendship grew with Eloise, she had a friendly, almost sisterly understanding, towards Colin and Benedict but Mara, clearly avoided Anthony, as much as she could and it annoyed him, for some reason.

One day Mara was accompanied by Henrietta, Lucas, and Helena Kensington for tea. The children, Mara and Eloise went off to play tennis in the garden, leaving the two female heads of the family alone. He didn't want to eavesdrop, he had not intended to but when he walked past the drawing room he could hear and see the two women talking, their backs were to him so luckily he was not spotted.

"It was horrible", Henrietta sniffed.

"He intended to marry her when he was dismissed from the military and his travels that followed after the war. She purposely waited for him, many years and was ecstatic when he came back home, safe and sound, only for him to marry her niece a month later. The poor girl was devastated for months", and Henrietta wiped a tear away with her handkerchief.

His mother did not say anything but had put her hand on Lady Kensington's to console her.

"And now she is too old.. No one will have her. They all want the 18-year-olds, and my daughter is 'damaged goods' according to society's standards. "and Henrietta huffed indignantly.

"We hoped by coming to London our luck would change but alas" and she shook her head. Anthony lingered a moment more and then walked away.

That night, in his bed, he wondered about the illustrious Mara Kensington whether he wanted to or not.

They both would be a good match on paper. On paper yes, but in practice?

In any case, they both needed people to marry and his disposition towards her _and the idea of marriage_ had had changed the couple of weeks. He longed for being able to work without getting constantly interrupted by his rambunctious siblings and wondered what it would be like to have his own place. His duties would not lessen as head of the house but maybe he could perform them from a distance. He loved his mother and brothers and sisters dearly but sometimes wanted a bit of solitude, time to figure out what he wanted to do with his life instead of worrying about the fate of his mother and siblings, particularly Eloise who would rather get lost in literature than dance at a ball.

He still did not want to get married per se, he knew that he would or could never love anyone else than he had Sienna, it would be a marriage of convenience. She needed a husband; he needed a wife so...

Anthony then shook his head. He didn't know what on earth he was thinking, and thought the idea was utterly ridiculous because for one she didn't speak to him but a few weeks later he would eat his words one by one.

***********************

They had been invited to The Kensington's, the entire family for dinner and Penelope, Eloise's friend joined them as well. His brothers, the lucky bastards were able to get out of it, stating excuses that they had plans but Anthony could not. Upon entering the dining hall, he could see that there were not the only guests, no there were also a smug looking middle-aged woman, her brown hair tightly coiffed in a bun, an equally smug looking young lady with flowing blonde hair and an enlarged belly and a nervous looking young man with reddish-brown hair. He was wearing some sort of a uniform and Anthony nearly snorted. He looked over to Mara who was clearly on the verge of tears and staring at her plate.

The Kensington's introduced them to the other guests: Lady Gertrude Henshaw, Lauren Carrington-Henshaw and lastly Henry. Violet and Anthony looked at each other briefly and could read others minds and knew who these people were.

"So nice to meet you, Lady and Viscount Bridgerton. It is an honour", Aunt Gertrude claimed.

'Why thank you, Lady Henshaw. How kind of you", Violet answered. Everyone involved themselves in idle chit chat before the different courses were served but Mara was alternating staring at her plate and off into the distance.

Henry on the other hand, unknowing to Mara, had his eyes set on her and was trying to convey something to her which Mara did not notice. He looked reproachful and incredibly uncomfortable; Anthony sensed and really, really did not want to be here.

Violet congratulated Lauren on her pregnancy upon which the latter rubbed over her belly lovingly.

"We are so overjoyed, aren't we dear?", and she gazed at her husband.

"Of course.. yes. "and he cleared his throat "overjoyed" he concluded with an anxious smile, and a gaze still fixed on Mara. It was not for long then everyone resumed to idle chit chat again until Lauren addressed her cousin as a mean smirk came across her features.

"I only hope, you my dear Mara will experience the same happiness as I am currently experiencing", Lauren mentioned out of the blue. Mara's eyes grew big and her mouth flew open as she stared at her cousin, but she was too shocked to say anything and an awkward silence engulfed all.

After a long while Mara shook her head, said she was sorry, but she was not feeling well, and hurriedly exited the dining hall. She did not return for the remainder of the evening, but Anthony found her standing in the front garden, the one which was facing the street.

Anthony had not intended to encounter her but was merely wanting to take a breath of fresh air and simultaneously escaping the rather bizarre dinner.

Mara did not hear him until he came near, and she turned around, half startled by the sudden visitor while she was lost in her thoughts..

"Sorry, did not mean to startle you. Was looking for a bit of fresh air", Anthony remarked sincerely. It was true, the intent for fresh air but he was also a little worried about her and wished to know how she was fairing.

"Do you mind company?", he asked a tad apologetically upon which Mara shook her head, Goodness knows why she did, apparently forgetting about a sense of propriety. He walked over to her and stood beside her, at considerable distance of course and there they remained in silence. Despite his earlier intention, Anthony had not started smoking his cigar yet.

"You and your mother know right? About Henry? I am certain you must" she said, not facing him but gazing ahead towards the garden and with a slight tremor in her voice.

Anthony bit his lip and wondered if he should tell her the truth but did not say anything and if he had wanted to, Mara would have interrupted him a second later anyway.

"I think it is wise for you to go back Mr. Bridgerton. You wouldn't want to be seen with _me, out here._ People may talk after all", she gloomily stated, and she briefly looked at him. He only nodded because she had a point and then went to accompany Henry and Kensington senior in the drawing room for cigars and whiskey.

Henry was a knob, Anthony thought after conversating with him briefly and looked rather afraid and rightfully so to be honest. Anthony could tell that Sir Kensington was cross with Henry and was certain a certain conversation between the two of them had taken place but had stopped when Anthony afraid. Sir Kensington was angry for sure. Anthony had no idea of knowing this but apparently the Henshaw-Mayer's had come over out of the blue, inviting themselves upon hearing how great the Kensington's got along with Anthony's family, thus being uninvited and unwanted guests.

He couldn't believe it. His daughter's life was in shambles and now this poor excuse of a man had the audacity of coming and sitting here like nothing had happed. The atmosphere was uncomfortable, and Anthony was glad the evening ended, and his family went home.

************************

_**The Next day.** _

_Dearest Reader,_

_I spy with my little eye a meeting happening between the Viscount Bridgerton and a newcomer to London which I have written about earlier, Miss Mara Kensington. This meeting occurred, unchaperoned, in the front garden of the lady in question's house. As far as I know Miss Kensington and Lord Bridgerton are not courting or betrothed, so I wonder what went through her minds.. Could their rational thinking be clouded by a blooming love perhaps? One can only wonder, my dearest readers. I shall keep you posted._

_Until next time._

_Sincerely,_

_Lady Whistledown_

"Anthony!", his mother had yelled before running into his study and then throwing the little leaflet at him. As Anthony read his eyes grew big and lips opened in disbelief before starting to realise what the consequences might be.

"What were you thinking?", his mother wanted to know.

"I,.. I had no malicious intent; mum, please believe me. I saw her and wanted to know if she was okay. That was it", Anthony stammered.

"Well.. How honourable of you, my dear son but what do we do now?", she asked but A minute later the housekeeper knocked and entered stating there was a message from the Kensington's stating there were going to come by within an hour.

Violet started to panic and started to walk up and down the room and Anthony himself wanted to join her but didn't.

The Kensington's arrived and were seated in the library this time and not for long the Bridgerton's entered.

Henrietta Kensington got up from her seat and Violet rushed to her.

"I am so sorry, we will figure things out", she said to Henrietta and then glanced over to Mara, who had clearly cried a lot, her face red and swollen and Violet could understand why.

Not only was she too old by society's standards; her reputation was in shambles now as well. Anthony looked at her and couldn't help but take pity on her, so he decided something, it was foolish perhaps but the right thing to do.

"This.. This is entirely my fault, I apologize Sir & Lady Kensington, Mara. I should have known better and it's on me to fix this unfortunate predicament "he said but the last one mentioned did not even look at him.

The Kensington's were silent but eager to hear what Anthony would state next and their eyes followed him intently as he took a few steps towards them and their daughter.

"Therefore, Sir Kensington.. Please allow me the permission to have your daughter's hand in marriage".

Mara's gaze shot up to him and her lips separated in shock and the separation was even bigger the next moment.

"Granted" her father said to everyone's surprise.

"DENIED" Mara said angrily and she flew out of the room, as fast as her legs could carry her trying to ignore her stammering heart.

***************

She could not escape to extremely far as there were only so few places to go to in the house, so she went to her room, hearing a knock on her door several minutes later. Her mother entered with a face that was half concern and half relief, or so Mara thought.

Mara expected a speech, a lecture, a verbal torture but to her surprise her mother's sentence was brief.

"He wishes to speak to you privately", was the only thing she said and then followed up by "He is in the drawing room".

She walked downstairs with shaking legs and feeling the most anxious she had ever felt, she opened the door and saw him sitting there. He got up to greet her and then sat down again as Mara took place on the bench besides him. Neither of them said anything for the longest of times, for ages it seemed like.

"I know this is a shock to you, but I feel it is the right decision to make, Mara", he started.

"It is my fault so please allow me to correct my mistake.." was his second sentence and somehow this statement irritated her.

"I am just as much of a culprit to this _.. predicament_ as you called it earlier it, Mr. Bridgerton", she stated a bit prickly.

"However, that does not imply that there is no other solution than marriage.. I may not know you very well sir, but I wouldn't wish a loveless marriage, because that is what it would be, _loveless,_ upon you Mr. Bridgerton and even though you might _not know me well_ , I hope you would not wish the same upon me. So, I cannot go through with your idea even though I appreciate your kindness. I am certain my parents and I can think of something, perhaps even return to Bristol where we are originally from. Regardless, I thank you for your offer".

She then stood up, thinking that was the end of the conversation and was eager to walk away until she felt a hand on her wrist. More importantly, his hand on hers, stilling her in her movement. Her heart started beating faster.

"Please think about it, a couple of days before you decide" he said. Anthony then realised that he was holding her arm and then instantly let go.

She looked at the place on her arm where he had just hold her, then glanced at him and said "Give me a week" before walking out of the room.


	2. The tables turn

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Writer’s note:
> 
> I am taking a couple of creative liberties; this is not canon compliant for one. Also, I envisioned Henry Cavill as.. Henry well because I can. 
> 
> p.s As always sorry shitty grammar for I am not a native Brit alas.

**Writer's note:**

I am taking a couple of creative liberties; this is not canon compliant for one. Also, I envisioned Henry Cavill as.. Henry well because I can.

I have a favour to ask.. if you enjoy my stories, please consider donating. I am currently unemployed (which is my fault of course).I know this but I am currently having no luck.

If you wish to donate : **Buymeacoffee.com/Bailloo2207**

I would be so grateful.

*****************************

Mara was working on her stupid embroidery again, which she hated but she needed some much-needed distraction and had one through stacks of literature in the past week, so the option was either embroidery or taking a walk..

She wasn't keen on either if she was entirely honest. Lady Whistledown's leaflet had come out merely three days ago and already people were gossiping, clutching on each other, and pointing towards her, speaking in muffled voices, much to the dismay of her parents. They had kindly _suggested_ that she was to stay in as much as possible.. so.. embroidery it was... She started working on the piece, a boring and generic rose in bloom, but her mind kept drifting off to Mr. Bridgerton and his proposal.

Mara had made her mind up. Her parents disagreed with her, but she was unwilling to change perspective. She knew it was not the best of decisions but for here there was no option. In two days, she would leave for Gloucester to live with her uncle Samuel, his wife Agatha and their swarm of children and act as their governess, aiding in education and childcare at least for the time being. It was not something she was looking forward to because the Miller kids were unruly and bad-mannered so Mara would have her work cut out for her. Yet still there was no other option, she could not possibly go forward with accepting Mr. Bridgerton's offer.

She might be many things, a spinster, plain looking and not the most affluent in comparison to her peers but Mara did have one thing: her pride. While she thought the gesture was kind and Vaillant there was no way she could say yes for several reasons.

The main reason being that they were both in love with someone else. She had done some research about him prior their first visit and had discovered that he was privy to rejecting one of the finest, the most beautiful of debutantes, which she had found peculiar. Here he could pick from the crème de la crème of wanting, stunning women but he refused them, and she wanted to know why.

A little digging though, via her new friend Emma, who knew everything and anything about London's privileged citizens had garnered information about Anthony and a certain opera singer named Sienna Rosso. Apparently they had a secret relationship, for an exceedingly long time and Anthony, at one point, DID intend to marry her BUT she had reminded him of their difference in status and broke things off. Mara also was informed by Emma that Mr. Bridgerton, still visited her performances in secret the odd time she did perform at the theatre.

So that day when the Bridgerton's came to see her Mara already had her mind up about him, had prejudice against him and acted rudely, which she scolded herself for now, since he had come up with the idea of saving her "honour". She even more scolded herself for judging him for being in love with someone else while Mara was still in love with Henry, even after knowing he preferred her cousin, had wed her cousin, and had laid with her cousin.

How foolish of her but she had not forgotten about him, could not and seeing him the other day made things so, so much worse.

She gave up on embroidery after the umpteenth wrong 'stitch" she put on the piece of cloth and instead focused on looking outside. The window she sat near to have a good view on her busy street and for a second she was lost in glancing at people going about their day, the carriages entering and leaving her street.

She was so lost in thoughts Mara did not notice the sound of feet, rapidly coming towards the drawing room and a second later the door flew open.

_It was him.._

And she was alone in the house for her parents and siblings had gone out to visit Mara's aunt from her mother's side and Mara had not wished to go with, the idiot she was.

She dropped her embroidery and got up, all the while staring at him in shock. He looked dishevelled and was breathing heavily and she could see a storm of emotions in those steel blue eyes she loved so much.

"Henry, what are you doing here?" she barely got out of her mouth, for it was as if she suddenly lost all capability of formulating a sentence.

He walked over towards her and stilled in front of her, a bit too close for comfort as it was a familiar proximity but this time it did not feel 'right'.

"Is it true? You are to marry the Viscount Bridgerton?", he demanded to know with a voice that was part angry, upset and desperate.

"I.. I" was the only thing Mara could say before he interrupted her anyway.

"So, after all we have been through you are just going to marry someone else. Just like that" he asked accusingly.

And that point Mara wondered if he knew how stupid he sounded for _accusing her_ of doing something he had done. The sentence also implied that there was an issue of her not being loyal to him and it angered her immensely. She had not been the one that have given up on them, he had. Not only had he given up on them he had replaced her with a better version, had upgraded, without having any regards for her feelings.

"Or.. like how YOU proceeded to do, you mean?", she sarcastically stated, and his face dropped instantly, he looked down and then took a few steps back. There was a long silence between the once lovers, silences between them had always been few so it was a strange thing to experience for both.

"I.. I made a mistake.. I shouldn't have- ", he began with a trembling voice and she could see tears formulating in his eyes.

"Yes, but you did.." Mara said, trying to keep it all together. For now, she was succeeding but there was no indication her success would be long lasting especially since she took a few steps forward to her.

"I don't know what came over me.. I promised you we were to marry after I got back from the business trip father send me to in Milan and then.. You introduced me to Lauren and- "

"So, this is my fault?" she inquired, irritably.

"Of course not.. "he immediately responded.

"NONE of this is your fault but how could you forget so easily? We were going to start a life together, remember?", he asked her, overcome with emotion.

"I have not forgotten. I don't know what happened either, I don't understand... It felt like I didn't know you anymore.. The Henry I knew and loved _my Henry. My Henry_ would not have- ", Mara started.

"I am still _your_ Henry. Still or I can be again. I'll do whatever you want. Just say the word.", he interjected.

Mara shook her head again and by now went ahead and let her tears fall freely.

"It's too late. Don't you see? It is too late", she said dejected.

"No" and this time he disagreed with her by shaking his head.

"It is not too late.. I'll get an annulment and then you and I can- ", Henry wished to argue but did not get extremely far.

"Right.. and you would expect me to take you back even if you were free, as if nothing happened? You will be a father in a couple of months, Henry or have _you_ forgotten about _that?_ ".

He did not answer, how could he so instead he just stared at her with compassion in his eyes.

She continued, barely, but she had to let him know. Had to let know what his deceit, this betrayal had done to her, she wouldn't have forgiven herself, EVER, if she had not done so.

"Do you know what you did? Do you? You _broke my heart_ , not in two but.. a _million_ pieces" she continued.

By now she had forfeited all sense of propriety for she was practically sobbing.

He was silent once more for a second but then.. Henry suddenly walked over, took her in his arms and both started to cry in each other's arms.

"Oh God, I am so sorry.. I am so sorry. Please forgive me", he repeated, while holding her tightly, as tight as he could possibly hold her.

A moment later, lost in embrace, they exchanged looks and before Mara knew it, he had bend down and kissed her.

The kiss was timid at first, felt like two former lovers getting to know each other again, but soon changed after he deepened it, and eventually let his tongue mingle with hers. He then guided his hands over her body, her sides were first in line, then her back before his hands slipped lower and slightly grazed at her bottom and he let his hands wander over them freely.

It was as if their bodies had been taken over by different people for they had never "gone" that far before, but it felt right.. It felt amazing. It felt lovely.

Or not?

Still kissing her, he guided Mara over to the sofa in the back of the room, the large one where they sat down briefly before he pushed her body back. He was now lying on top of her, touching her from her sides to the beginning of her legs, before "moving" upwards again. His kisses were feverish, unrelenting and he alternated by kissing her mouth and neck, completely overcome with lust.

She grasped at his shoulders, eager to feel him again after so many months, and trenched through his soft, black curls with her fingers and felt his lower body rising to her and gasped at the feeling. Henry was back at stroking her legs again but this time he tugged the fabric of her dress with and savoured the contact of her bare legs, entangled with him. He positioned himself differently so now he was nestled in between them tighter. With one hand he reached for her left breast, first grazing his fingers over it, and then starting to knead and applying a sturdy pressure. It was not long for they both moaned, loudly. With the other hand he started to travel downwards again, wishing to take this further, wishing to _take_ her, take her virginity, bury himself inside her. Her virginity was _HIS_ to take not anyone else's, no other man should, _she_ was _his_ and would always be his. He slightly tugged at the side of her underwear and started to drag it down but then Mara realised what they hell they were doing.

_He was married. And an expectant father. He was NOT hers. Not anymore._

Mara managed to move her head from his, and from his lips and pushed at his chest to get him off her. He backtracked, he obliged and stood up but stared at her with an expression that was part confusion part sorrow, sorrow for he knew this was the end but didn't want to.

Mara stood up as well, fixed her dress and then looked at him, and it was later that she realised that this was going to be one of the last times she would ever be able to do so. Not amused with their stunt the other day, the Kensington's had broken ALL contact with their family, which meant that Sir Kensington never wished to speak to his brother and sister-in-law, and they were banned from ever visiting them again.

"Mara. Mara please.. I beg of you. Please don't-". He was looking dishevelled and out of it, barely holding it together.

"You should go. Henry. Please" she said.

"No. No Mara. Don't you understand. I cannot. I-" he wished to argue but she would not have it.

"Leave, Henry. Now", she stated sternly.

He looked at her an instance more and then walked to the door, defeatedly but before he left, he turned to face her again.

"I can't let you marry him, Mara. I can't." he said and then he was out of the room. She nearly collapsed to the floor, sat on her knees, and put her hand on her stammering heart. It was difficult to breath..

It took her a while, 20 minutes. 25? to recuperate but then something dawned on her. Something he said.

_**"I can't let him you marry, him Mara"** _

And suddenly a sense of shock went through her, he.. He wouldn't surely? She got from the floor and ran to the front door, where the coachman had just returned.

"Mr. Kennedy... Did you transport Mr. Carrington just now?", she wished to know.

"I did, miss Mara.. but.. are you alright, Miss? You do not look too well", he asked worriedly.

"I am alright. Thank you Mr. Kennedy but tell me please.. Where did you take him?", she demanded to know.

Her heart sank to the bottom of the proverbial ocean when Mr. Kennedy replied next.

_"I took him to the Bridgerton's"._

**********************

Benedict, Colin, The Duke of Hastings, and Anthony were sitting in the cigar room, drinking coffee, Daphne, their mother, and sisters had gone to the modiste, so they had the place to themselves. They were engaging in idle chitchat, ignoring the elephant in the room, until the Duke finally asked the question they all needed a reply to.

"Do correct me if I am wrong, Anthony but.. You rejected a variety of stunning, intellectual ladies for months and found no one was good enough but now.. you have done a complete turnaround by intending to marry all the sudden and on top of that someone you hardly know and who has... a reputation. You do work in mysterious ways", Simon said.

Anthony looked at his brothers who did not speak and thought their silence was very telling, probably they were in agreeance with their now brother-in-law.

"My, my.. How quickly the tables have turned.. You, judging me about getting married after you were planning to be a bachelor till your 60th", Anthony joked.

"Aah true.. but then I met your sister", Simon grinned "things changed after that", he concluded.

Anthony just smiled at the memory of exactly how his sister and the Duke had met and was thankful for a happy outcome. He glanced over at Colin who looked a bit uncomfortable..

"What's the matter, Colin? Don't tell me you are planning to scold me as well for my life's decisions?", Anthony said smirking.

"No, brother.. I respect your decision but.. do you even love her?", he asked, and this was the million-dollar pound question. Anthony took his time to respond and then turned his head from side to side, implicating he did not.

"Maybe I could, though", he quickly followed up with. "Maybe later".

He knew this was a lie for he was sure he could never love anyone else than Sienna.

"But do you even _fancy_ her?", Benedict asked earnestly.

Anthony, in lieu of answering, reached for a pastry and stuffed his mouth with it but he couldn't help it. A mischievous grin came across his features that explained it all.

"YOU DO, don't you?" Benedict laughed.

"You cheeky bastard." Simon said..

"Pretending to be noble to save her honour but all along secretly coveting her", he accused with a grin.

Anthony didn't answer to the allegations instead he got up, finished eating the pastry and said he would have to go back to his study to attend to 'urgent' matters. He walked up the stairs towards this study, but the other gentlemen lingered a few moments later.

Just as they left they encountered a stranger in the hallway, asking where their brother's study was.

"Second floor, first room to the right,", Colin innocently answered, perhaps thinking it was one of Anthony's friends. The stranger didn't thank Colin and proceeded his way up on the stairs.

"Excuse me, but who are you? "Benedict yelled after him, but the man did not reply.

Something was off..

Benedict, Colin, and Simon exchanged looks with each other and then simultaneously ran up the stairs.

The door flew open and there in front of Anthony stood Henry Carrington, his maybe fiancées former beau. Anthony stared at the man, that looked besides himself, his face red with fury and gazing at him intently, calculatedly. If looks could kill, Anthony would be dead by now.

"Mr. Carrington.. This is unexpected.. Can I help you with anything?", Anthony asked, genuinely curious even though he suspected where this was going.

"Yes, you can help me by retracting your proposal of marriage to Mara Kensington", Henry spat out.

"Excuse me.. I don't quite understand- ", Anthony stated shaking his head.

He got up from behind his desk and walked a bit closer to his unwanted and uninvited guest.

"I think I was pretty clear just now", Henry replied. "You will retract your marriage proposal" and Anthony started to get annoyed with the brazenness of Henry's demeanour, storming like that, demanding things from him. He then walked over to Henry, a move that he would regret a few moments later.

"I am sorry, Mr. Carrington but that matter is between me and Miss Kensington and none of your concern", he sarcastically stated which made things worse because Henry seemed to be seething by now.

"And besides, you are in no position to demand things, nor from me, nor from miss Kensington, especially since you are spoken for and a father to be. Where is your sense of propriety? How dare you, a married man, wish to reason with me about my fiancée to be. You have some ner---"

Anthony felt a sharp pain to the side of his head a minute later and nearly fell back to the floor. He then grasped the area that hurt and rubbed over it.

Anthony wanted to retaliate but the pain was too much this moment, piercing even.. Unfortunately, Henry got closer to him wishing to punch him again, but he was restrained.

"Hey, what are you doing? You bastard! "Benedict said. He and Colin were holding on to a second later, restraining him while Simon attended to Anthony, guided him towards the bench and where they sat down.

"You will stay the hell away from her. She is mine"the now not very distinguished Mr. Carrington said through gritted teeth.

Speak of the devil..

She had flown in the room, her eyes big with shock and out of breath from what seemed to be running over here. She glanced over the room and saw Henry being restrained by Benedict and Colin and an injured Anthony tended to.. by... oh for fuck's sake..

The DUKE was there.

"Your Grace" she stated and then quickly bowed. "Ben, Colin" she acknowledged, and the two men nodded at here.

They all looked at her and she felt her face redden instantly..

"Mr. Bridgerton, you are hurt", she remarked, and she quickly went over to him and asked if he was alright, and then exchanged a look with Henry...

"Mara.. I.. I know I shouldn't have but-" but she would not listen, instead she turned her back to him and addressed Anthony.

"Mr. Bridgerton, apologies for me barging in like this but I have come to tell you what my decision is regarding your proposal". Anthony didn't reply but just listened to her, staring at her intently.

"I accept", she said primly and to the point to Anthony's surprise and his mouth went slightly agape.

Mara then turned around to face Henry because she had to see it, not because out of spite but she had to know if the message had gotten through, for he needed to move and so did she.

And the message got through because she swore. She swore she could see his heart being broken, not into two but a million pieces.

************************

He had quickly left after that, breaking free from his hold. But before he left but glanced one more at her, with an expression that was full of sorrow, regret and melancholy before he turned and exited.

"I realise that this all is very inconvenient, but do you mind.. I need to have a word with you Mr. Bridgerton", Mara asked him nervously.

"Of course," and that was the cue for his brothers and Simon to leave.

Mara stared at him reproachfully.

"I am so sorry, I didn't think he would attack you", Mara remarked.

"It is alright.. I'll live", he said..

And then there was an awkward silence for a minute or two.

"About what I just said.. Accepting your proposal. Thank you for playing along with me but I am afraid I must decline".

Anthony gazed at her in confusion. What the bleeding hell was going on?

"I have made my mind up, I am to stay with my uncle at Gloucester until all of this blows over, at least for a while. They are coming to visit Tuesday around noon, and I shall leave with them in the evening".

She had to gather her courage for the next following sentences.

"I really wish to thank you for the kindness you have bestowed on me and my parents, but I am certain I am not a good match for you and your lovely family. My reputation is smudged for one and- ".

"But that is why I intend to wed- "Anthony wished to argue but she dropped a proverbial bomb next.

"He.. He kissed me.. I mean.. _We_ kissed", she said, and she stared down. Weighing her words, trying to have them sink in but if he was honest, he was flabbergasted and didn't know what to say.

"You see Mr. Bridgerton.. As I said I am not a good match" and then she had dared to look up at him.

"I apologize for the trouble I have imposed upon you and the rest of the Bridgerton's, Sir..".

The following statement came out of her mouth hesitantly, but she had to utter the words.

"Please allow me to wish you all the best and all the love in the world", she concluded before turning and leaving.

**********************

It was Tuesday and her uncle and aunt were visiting along with their devill..., their rambunctious children. They had not been at the house for 20 minutes before Helena came up to Mara, screaming that Jessica, the 10-year-old, had broken her "dolly".

Ten minutes AFTER that Lucas came back from playing outside stating that John, who was the same age as Lucas, had taken his wrist and twisted harshly from "roughhousing" in the garden. He had screamed bloody murder until John had finally let go. Her uncle and aunt did not correct their children but found it all kind of amusing. Especially when John & Jessica proceeded to throw balls inside of the house, one of those balls had made impact with Mara's arm and she winced. Bloody hell.. What was she signing herself up for?

Anthony was in his study again, it was Tuesday.. He tried his best to be productive but was failing, for one reason he kept glancing up from his work to the clock. He sighed deeply.

For God's sake.. She had made her decision, and he should respect that.

And.. And she had kissed someone else.. But it was not that she and Anthony had been together, and she cheated on him. He had proposed yes but that did not mean they had been lovers so.. He couldn't expect her to be faithful to him when they weren't in an relationship.. _yet._

_Yet? Why_ **_yet?_ **

Why did he just think yet as if there was going to a relationship at all. He sighed again.

Nonetheless, her leaving.. Ending things like this.. Her purposefully exiling herself. It did not feel _right._ He was to blame as well.

Ten o'clock. Half past. Eleven.. Half past.. Nearly twelve..

The next minute, before knowing what came over him, he put on his coat and ran towards the Kensington's, their house a couple of streets away and he hoped he would be in time.

He saw her standing at the sidewalk, wishing to get into the carriage. She heard her name being called and saw no one other than Anthony Bridgerton racing towards her.

When he was close he was out of breath but relieved for he had made it.

"Mara.. Please reconsider- "but before Anthony could continue she said, nearly shouted..

"I have changed my mind and wish to marry you!".

They looked at each other, both in disbelief at what had just occurred.

_Dearest reader,_

_I don't mean to brag but turns out I was right.._

_Wedding bells will be ringing again.._

_Mr. Bridgerton is to wed Miss Mara Kensington next week, another wedding for this esteemed family in a short period of time.._

_As you all know Daphne Bridgerton got married recently to no one other than the Duke of Hastings and as you may remember.. I predicted that joyful union of happening and now was correct in my prediction regarding Mr. Bridgerton & Miss Kensington._

_What do you think dearest reader?_

_Should I put away my pen and paper and become a matchmaker fulltime?_

_But ah no.. I would miss out on all the fun and besides.._

_Who would entertain and inform you if I am gone?_

_Until next time, dear friends_

_Lady Whistledown._


	3. The Aftermath

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Writers note:
> 
> Initially wanted to write about the wedding as well but it would be too long so I am saving that for next chapter. Please keep in mind again that is not canon-compliant, FYI. And sorry for stupid grammar errors.
> 
> http//www.buymeacoffee.com/bailloo2207 : if you like my stories please consider buying me a coffee, would be so appreciated.

**ONE WEEK FOR LADY WHISTLEDOWN'S SECOND PUBLICATION: (Marriage announcement between Anthony and Mara)**

"But you can't", her aunt Agatha had exclaimed and both Henrietta Kensington, her daughter and Anthony Bridgerton had looked strangely at her.

"I MEAN.. We already have made some living arrangements for her, didn't we dear?" and she had looked at her husband Samuel for support.

"Uh, yes we did.. and we were so looking forward to you joining us, Mara. The children of course as well", Samuel argued, which was a lie because the kids did not particularly care.

 _Of course_ , they were looking forward to her staying with them for it gave them ample opportunity to dump.. no, leave their children under Mara's care and off go gallivanting ( _writers note random but I really like that word_ ) to places they wanted to visit, whether in England or abroad..

Mara wanted to say something, but her mother interrupted.

"Dearest sister.. I am certain you and Samuel have done your best to provide my daughter with suitable living conditions and she had agreed to staying with you but.. you must understand that these plans have changed now, certainly. I mean, you would not sabotage happiness of your niece, right?", Henrietta Kensington reprimanded, and Agatha Miller went bright red and started to stammer.

"Of.. Of course not, dearest Henrietta. I would never do that", Agatha remarked.

"It's just that.. It's just a pity, the children and I are so fond of you, she said, briefly smiling at Mara.

"But we.. we are incredibly happy for you, of course, dearest niece", she stammered, exchanging a disgruntled and disappointed look with her husband a moment later and hugging Mara the next, very briefly.

As you can tell, dear reader ( _writers note 2: channelling Lady Whistledown over here, sorry couldn't resist_ ), Agatha was not happy for them. Not at all. At this point jealousy was raging through her, she could not believe her that dull spinster niece had been able to find an extremely good match, affluent, influential whereas she had married Samuel, not as rich, not as influential... Well, they had means but things could always be better, like _Bridgerton_ level better.

"Looks like we'll have to back soon, for the wedding, I mean", Agatha then cheerily said with a completely fake happy disposition.

"Yes of course! You must!", Henrietta claimed, and William Kensington had blinked confused at his wife for he knew she and Agatha had never been close or would they ever be. There had been blood between them since they were teenagers.

"It would be lovely to have you but.. dear Samuel, Agatha." and a 'anxious" look came across Henrietta's face.

"I think it is best to seek lodging elsewhere seeing our house is a bit too small is it not?', Mara's mother argued. Henrietta faux sighed but was able to pull it off convincingly before continuing.

"I would not want to cause you any discomfort dear sister.. besides, we likely won't be home much since we have a wedding to plan on truly short notice.. Oh God, how will be able to pull that off?", Henrietta 'concernedly' stated, shaking her head and then she directed her attention towards her husband.

"William, dear, will you be so kind to arrange their accommodation for the wedding? See to it that you find a reputable, good hotel, for my dearest sister and her family." Henrietta asked.

William Kensington was doing his outright best not to burst out in laughter at the clever way his wife had just handled things, effectively killing two birds with one stone..

"Of course, Samuel & Agatha, please allow me to take care of things.. I'll send word to you when the wedding is happening", he said trying not to laugh.

Agatha was happy for it meant that her brother-in-law was most likely, going to foot the bill for everything.

"And not to worry.. We'll make sure the hotel knows that you'll _pay up front_ " Henrietta said sweetly, and Agatha's face dropped instantly. The Millers said goodbye to the Kensington's and both Agatha and Samuel were in an annoyed state for the rest of their trip home..

"Mr. Bridgerton, Mara.. If you want you may wish to discuss things further inside please.. I don't want to draw a crowd", Henrietta said and they followed her to the hallway, awkwardly and silently.

"Oh.. If you wish, you may join us for lunch" Mara's mother offered but Anthony had looked at his pocket watch, said he would love to, but he had an appointment soon.

"Very well." Henrietta said, she glanced at both her daughter and Anthony with an expression Mara could not decipher but then went upstairs to tend to her other children.

And they were alone... Not speaking, feeling uncomfortable.

"That.. that was an unexpected development" Anthony said with a nervous smile. She nodded and then stared at the pavement.

"I suppose we have some things to talk about", he began awkwardly.

"My itinerary is booked for two days, unfortunately, and I cannot alter these appointments but are.. are you free Wednesday? Around noon?", he asked, and she just nodded.

"Great.. Great. I know this place, 'The Old Rose', it's a lovely establishment but a bit .. far from London's city centre but it has a lovely, secluded garden.. I, I mean. You don't have to worry about privacy, we can discuss things freely there", he added.

Something dawned on Mara as she analysed the last sentence.. Meeting location ' _far from here_ ". _Secluded garden_.. This must be the place where he usually met the opera singer before, and a jolt of disappointment goes through her body at the realisation. Which was stupid funny for she had no right to _feel disappointed_ , not at all, merely she could fault him for choosing an unfortunate location but of course he did not know that. And she wasn't planning on telling him that even if she found it to be in poor taste.

"Right.. Then I'll come by around noon. Goodbye for now", Anthony concluded and then bowed to her, smiled nervously, turned and exited the house.

Mara sighed.. deeply.. oh boy.. she needed to calm down and reflect at the events of the afternoon, so she retreated to her room.

Anthony walked back towards his house calmly, perhaps too calm for what just had occurred, yet he oddly found his conscious at ease. This was the right thing to do, after all, he thought even if it was a marriage of convenience.. and it was exactly that.. a marriage of convenience.

Well, if that were the case why had his heart suddenly beat faster when she had said she'd marry him?

He chooses to quickly ignore this thought though, instead he had to focus on the task at hand, telling his family. They were having lunch most likely, so he walked over to the dining room and entered..

"Anthony, what are you doing here? Didn't you have an appointment with our bookkeeper this afternoon?", his mother inquired, a bit surprised to see him. The rest of his family and Penelope were chatting busily with each other, Gregory & Hyacinth were kicking each other under the table, he could sense from where he stood but his mother didn't notice.

"I have indeed, so I am going to make this brief", he shifted a tad unease in the beginning if he was honest.

'I uh have an announcement to make", he said, trying to speak over the noise in the room. It worked because for a second all eyes were on him.

"Now that I have your attention.. As you know I have proposed to Mara Kensington and uhm", the next part of the sentence came out a bit shyly and he blinked with his eyes since he hardly couldn't believe it himself "she accepted. Just now.. she did", he spoke hesitantly.

The room had fallen silent and his mother's mouth had dropped open. Then the next second Eloise got up, ran to hug, and congratulate him and the others followed suit.

His mother did not however, no, she was staring at him with her mouth partly open and a look of bewilderment was seen on her features.

"I have to go to the bookkeepers now, but I just wanted to inform everyone.", Anthony said, releasing himself from the embrace and pats on the back of his sisters and brothers.

That evening he was in his study late going through some documents the bookkeeper had given him when someone knocked on his door and he said they could enter.

_Violet Bridgerton._

She walked over towards him and he put down his pen and paper..

"So, how are we doing financially, are our affairs all in order?" she asked.

"Yes, they are mother, but I presume you're not here to ask about our family's finances?" he nonchalantly asked.

She just smiled briefly. He gestured for her to sit down so she did, and soon mother and son were sitting across of each other, neither of them knowing who should speak first. It was Violet after a while.

"I...I should be ecstatic that you finally decided to wed but.. Anthony, son. Are you sure you _want to_? And _with her_?", she spoke with a concerned intonation in her voice.

Anthony nodded in lieu of providing a verbal answer. Violet sighed then resumed silent for a little while but spoke once again after.

"It.. It is not easy to sustain a marriage of convenience, Anthony, especially where the two people involved hardly know each other. It is a daunting task and not everyone is equipped for it and I do not want you or her for that matter to suffer.".

She paused for a moment, debating in her head whether she should or should not bring this up but then decided she had to.

"It's even worse when the bride and groom are might be still thinking of.. others. mean to say.. I can sense that Mara might still feel feelings for with Mr. Carrington and _maybe, the possibility exists that you are_ _still-_ '.

"You do not have to explain things to me that I already am knowledgeable of", he interrupted tad snippy, mostly because she brought her up _but_ and he probably should have not reacted this way.

However, the damage was done and so he continued.

"While I appreciate your concern but I, me and Miss Kensington-, Mara have decided.. In fact, I am going to meet with her tomorrow to discuss things.. I think a short notice wedding will be best, don't you think? We should do our best to diminish the rumours Lady Whistledown has begun to tell", Anthony concluded, still slightly snippy although his intonation was a lot softer.

Violet looked at him a while longer then got up yet did not remove her eyes of him.

"I am worried that you are making a mistake, especially one that cannot be fixed easily and what could affect your life in a negative way at one point.", she replied and shook her head again, sighing deeply.

'However, you are a grown man and not a child anymore. I can't stop you even if I wanted and.. Mara is a lovely young lady we are all fond of.. So, I will respect your decision and honour your wishes, but I will not sit here and lie to you that I do not have concerns about this marriage.", she solemnly said, shortly later turning around to make her exit yet she stopped at the door and turned back once more, taking a step forward to face him.

"It is _no secret_ that you and I don't always get along and differ on issues regarding our family" (an obvious reference to Anthony wanting Daphne to marry Mr. Berbrook).

"However, you are my son and I love you, Anthony. I want nothing more than your happiness. I mean that..", Violet Bridgerton sincerely said.

"I know you do" and a second afterwards he got up, walked over to her, and embraced his mother for a while. Then they broke from each other's hold and she proceeded to walk towards the door, was near it, but he had wanted to say one more thing to her.

"Mum..." and Violet Bridgerton turned back to face her son.

"I love you too..", he said, and she just smiled at him and left, leaving Anthony to his work again.

*********************

He was ten minutes early, to her dismay, because she didn't feel ready at all, in fact when the door rang prematurely she thought her chest was going to leap right out of her chest. She swallowed the lump in her throat as she exited her room, took a few steps towards the staircase where she heard him converse with her mother. She waited a few seconds until she heard "I'll go get her" so Mara started to move and 'met' her mother at the beginning of it.

"Ah there you are", she said with a reassuring glance on her face.

"He is waiting for you" she informed her daughter as if she not had not already known.

Mara just nervously nodded. They walked down together, and it was then that Anthony realised two things.

One:

If he had been whether he genuinely was attracted to her he was now provided with the perfect proof. _._. She was wearing a frilly, pinkish dress with a powder pink sash around her waist. The dress was adorned with subtle but lovely embellishments and suited her tan complexion. She had her striking black hair up, in a messy bun but with hairlocks falling on either side of her face. He was _attracted_ to her alright, a lot more than he originally thought, nor let his brothers and Simon know but he quickly internally tried to negate these feelings even if the thought of her looking rather beautiful today did not exit his mind,

Two:

Henry Carrington was _an idiot._

When mother and daughter got down he smiled at her as a way of greeting her and said, "Shall we?". He helped her with getting her coat on and then she had turned around to glance at her mother, who reassuringly smiled at her..

And then they were off..

He tried to make conversation with her, but she just gave short answers. How was her father? Fine. Her siblings? Fine. In turn she felt like she had to inquire after his family, for it would be rude not to and he said everyone was doing well and had send their regards.

Okay.. Now what? What should they talk about now? It was awkward to be 'this close' to him even if he had taken a seat across from her, instead of next to and it didn't help that the carriage ride took forever. At one point she thought they surely could not have been in London anymore..

When they finally arrived at their destination, he took her hand and helped her disembark, and then... just did not remove his from hers, he didn't mean to be impertinent, he had simply forgotten until she had nervously looked at him and he got the message and then let go.

The charismatic owner friendly greeted Anthony and without trepidation guided them through his establishment and seated them in the garden, without asking them where they wanted to seat. This at first surprised her but then she remembered that the owner knew Anthony and therefore knew where he wanted to sit because Anthony had come here with Sienna before.

How many times would that have been, she wondered? They ordered a few platters of sandwiches, cold meat, cakes, some fruit and waited for it arrive, drinking tea in the meantime.

This was so, so awkward. How else could it NOT be though for they hardly knew each other yet that the same time were to wed.. and quite soon as well if they wanted to negate the rumours because of Lady Whistledowns's publication.

Since she wasn't eager to talk he decided he should be, he had a lot of information to share with her but to his surprise she spoke first.

"I.. I need to talk to you about an issue that has been weighing on my mind" she said, staring at her lap, Anthony's eyebrows rising in surprise.

She took a deep breath.

"Are you certain you are truly okay.. with.. what happened between me and Hen-, Mr. Carrington? My point is that I don't want to bring shame on you or your family if the matter gets out or something. "

"Furthermore.. I also would not want to be _reminded of_.. what I did l _ater_.. by you when we for some instance perhaps, disagree on something.", Mara argued.

It felt like it took ages to explain to him what was bothering her, for the words out of her mouth came out very slowly, as if she were afraid of what the consequences could be.

"I wanted to make this clear to you, again.. You do _not have to_ marry me, nor do you need to feel sorry for me. I meant what I said when I was at your house the other day. I'll be fine regardless of what happens.", she said, mortified, hoping to God he did not notice her getting flustered.

She was not meeting his eyes instead just staring at her lap again and he didn't know why but he found it one of the most endearing things he had ever witnessed. He did not speak for a while but then addressed her again.

"Nobody is without flaws, Mara.", he began cautiously because it felt like that approach would be the best, he didn't want to scare her off or something by speaking too harshly to her.

"Who would I be to judge you for your behaviour? I cannot, especially since I can relate. I mean I can relate to doing things that might not be.. uhm.. the best for me but .. Sometimes.. the heart overrules the mind and logical thinking flies out the window.", Anthony noted.

He halted the rest of the "speech" before continuing because he wanted to kick himself, talking about his relationship like it was some sort of an oversight, a mistake that should not have happened. His relationship had been real and all-encompassing, and he felt awful for diminishing the effect of it and in a way felt bad about the way he had spoken. Like he had been speaking ill of her, somehow and.. he had basically.

He had to continue with his train of thought or else he would never get to tell her about the arrangements he had made.

"Once can only hope to learn from their oversights and I for one intend to do so. I cannot speak for you of course and do correct me if I am overstepping my boundaries by giving you unsolicited advice but .. It might be better for you to no longer give 'the incident' any more thought. What's done is done. And by the way.. No need to worry about my family's reputation, it wouldn't be the first storm we endured", he concluded with a smile, which she did noticed because she did not look at him.

He was talking about the whole Daphne-Simon situation but then remembered she was not in London then and must not be knowledgeable.

"You can be certain that I will, at least not for the considerable future, bring Mr. Carrington up in conversation. he pledged. "To me, at least, that matter has been dealt with", he concluded.

Mara was relieved to hear this but then she had replayed his sentence in his mind and realised he had been talking about his relationship ('doing things that are not the most beneficial" and she internally winced at the thought but again, said nothing.

"For what it is worth.. I don't feel sorry for you, not at all. In fact, for some reason.. I am glad things went about this way', he remarked, softly, genuinely and it had surprised him, that statement, but the words were out of his mouth before he noticed.

At that point she had looked up at him with those brown doe eyes of hers and something.. something happened there. There was a very brief flicker of understanding between them or was it mutual attraction perhaps? They both didn't know what it was, but the moment had been real. Their platters came and then they started eating but shortly after Anthony felt it was time to talk about what he had brought her for, essentially.

"I hope you don't mind but I have taking the liberty of taking matters into my own hands without consulting you but since we will likely get married soon, there is haste to be made", Anthony began.

"I went ahead and contacted our family's church and even though they are booked for the week, they were kind enough to help us out and have squeezed us in for next Friday, early morning around eight o'clock.", he stated with a cheerful disposition.

Mara then noticed that he had the loveliest of smiles, sweet and endearing but then scolded herself for thinking so.. Because. NEXT FRIDAY.

A week from now she would be getting married and it felt unreal to Mara, so she just listened to him in lieu of responding.

"I believe my mother will be in contact with yours about the appointment at the modiste.. I uhm" and he swallowed.. I have to regretfully inform you that I am not able to take you on a honeymoon now because of my responsibilities but perhaps we could go later?", he started.

She didn't answer but just nodded in agreeance, what possibly could she say in the first place? No, dearest fiancée I have known for less than a week, please I beg of you, take me on a honeymoon this instant? The idea would be laughable.

"My brother-in-law has kindly offered one of his houses for us to temporarily live in, until we find our own, I mean new accommodation. His house is on Ledger street, which as you may know is rather close to both my family's home and yours, which is convenient, of course for both of us", he remarked.

"He refuses to take payment from me, but I will not stand for it, and I intend to pay him, whether he wants to or not.". He was not entirely sure what this was relevant to share with her, but he did anyway..

"I have inspected the house. It is not the biggest, but it is comfortable and furnished, and has all the other amenities. There is a small dining parlour at the first floor and a nicely sized drawing room. There are three chambers on the second floor. I intend to use one of them as a study. Perhaps you could use another for your own study/ small library or.. or- "and he stopped talking because mid-conversation her mouth had dropped open.

She was looking at him in slight shock, so it seemed and then proceeded to gaze at her lap once more.

"What's wrong?", he asked, concerned..

"If.. you use one room as your study and I the other for a library for instance. Where will we be-?'

Shame creeping op on her Mara had stilled speaking suddenly but Anthony had quickly caught on to what she intended to say.

"Uhm.. Well, I _presumed_.." he began, uneasily but luckily she interjected.

"It's just that.. It is custom for married people to retire to their own chambers after some point, is it not?" she argued, her face possible gone bright red, she didn't know for sure, but she felt heat coming of her face like no other.

"That is custom indeed, but that rule applies more to.. people who are a bit.. higher in the social hierarchy, like the Duchess and Duke of Hasting for instance. Not to imply that you and I are below.. _people_ of that stature, but the rules are.. slightly different for us", he countered.

Oh God. He _really_ did not what to think about the sleeping arrangements of his sister right now, but he had to bring it up.

"I see".. she said timidly, internally starting to panic which he could see that.

"However, if you want you could have your own.. room, you can" he quickly mentioned.

"I would like that", she relievedly answered.

He just nodded, feeling just as mortified as she was now and incapable of saying more. He wasn't going to lie. He felt disappointed to say the least and confused, if she were opting for her own quarters already Anthony wondered if he she would also prefer to spend.. their wedding night alone?

"That is all I have to share with you for today, I will drop by when I can to discuss the rest, as much as I can.", Anthony said after they had not spoken for a while.

"Do you have any questions at this point, perhaps? I would be glad to answer them", he said earnestly wishing to be helpful.

Yes, she had a ridiculous number of questions starting with.. Are you sure you want to go ahead with this? Do you even _like_ me? At all? Why are you doing this again? You do know you can do better right? Do you know that I am aware that you are still not over _her as I am not over.?_ What will our life be like? Will you and I get along? Should we have children? Is it obligated? If so when? Soon after we're married OR can we wait?

_And.._

What about the wedding night, what about the wedding night, what about the WEDDING NIGHT! She knew what the bride and groom would then 'do' usually, well she had heard stories from her married friends, but did that mean that _they_ should do _IT_ too?

Yet instead, she just shook her head. He paid for lunch and then they went back, the ride back even more uncomfortable as it had been from.

He was in a sullen mood the rest of the afternoon and felt the same when evening arrived. After dinner he had gone to one of the establishments, or gentleman quarters he frequented and sat down, well it was more leaning back than sitting and ordered a whiskey, which he sullenly drank.

Anthony thought about the meeting with Mara in the afternoon.. He hated it, feeling doubtful, having doubts for he always wanted to be known as someone who _acted certain_ in all areas of life but.. he wasn't so sure anymore.

He was beginning to think if he had bitten off more than he could chew. Maybe his mother was right.. This was not going to be an easy 'marriage', not at all. In his, utter naivety, he now realised, he had thought they could figure things out.

He for one was attracted to her for sure and he was not mistaken, surely, but something had occurred between them today when she had taken the opportunity to look him in the eyes. Yet, her panicked stance at possibly, possibly sharing a bed with him did not bode well. Not at all. That mother of his.. He really should learn to heed her advice more instead of acting impulsively.

"Don't tell me there is trouble in proverbial paradise already"?" and the question stirred Anthony from his musings. He looked up and saw Simon standing there and then shortly after taking place across of him.

Anthony had not answered the question but still was lost in thought, staring into oblivion, which worried a Simon a little.

"Are you alright, mate?", he asked and then did the trick for Anthony sat up and nodded, yet not engage in conversation at the point. Simon didn't want push matters, so he remained silent as well until Anthony startled him with his statement, out of the blue.

"She... doesn't want to share her bedchamber with me.", Anthony started, and he was a bit surprised at his candour but.. Simon had been his friend prior to being his brother-in-law and he was used to talking about a variety of things anyway. He trusted for one that whatever was being said between them would remain between them.

"Mara?" Simon asked and Anthony nodded.

"I see.. Well, I am sure that will change later", he reassured Anthony, but he wasn't so sure and started to shake his head.

"I am beginning to think that I should not have acted so hastily. I mean, there are red flags there, flying at full force, already", he spoke and shook his head in affirmation.

"In wanting to do the right thing I might have- "but he didn't finish his sentence because of Simon's interjection.

"She _barely_ knows you man.. You and her only met a week ago.. You can't possibly fault her for not jumping in the bed with you immediately... "For goodness sake.. You both need to get to know each other first. It's completely normal for her to .. perhaps not be as 'loving' to you in the beginning.", Simon explained.

"I am aware of course that it would be unreasonable to want her too immediately.. you know.., but Simon.. what if she doesn't want to.. ever.. - ", and again, he did not finish his thought but this time by his own volution.

Simon cleared his throat, thinking internally what advice he should give Anthony but luckily thought of something.

"If you are really having doubts about this union.. As your friend firstly, brother-in-law second, I would want to remind you.. It is not too late to cancel or.. maybe you and her can stay engaged for a while. See if things work out, if there is an underlying foundation for something more?", Simon suggested.

Anthony didn't say anything though to Simon's suggestion though but instead looked away, to some new guests entering.

"That being said.. Something tells me.. that you don't want to wait, do you? Nor do you want to end things with her?", Simon slyly inquired to know, laughing. "I am right aren't I?", Simon concluded with.

Anthony did not provide a verbal answer. He did not need to anyway for one look at Anthony's face was enough as it provided enough non-verbal clues for he had looked away a tad shyly, tknowing he could not fool Simon, as much as he wanted to.

So, perhaps it was better to change the topic.

Anthony looked towards his friend with a grin and said:

"Enough with the chitchat. Drink up, you are getting the next one", Anthony commanded with a smile.


	4. Living with the consequences

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This took me 6 hours to write, oh joy, how I love being a non-Brit.. not. Again, I am taking historical liberties because I am already taking too much time writing and looking things up. For instance I googled “Do they throw rice at weddings in England or just in America” today and other stuff about Christian weddings. 
> 
> Quick reminder: this is not canon compliant.
> 
> If you enjoy my stories.. Please check out “A SEA BETWEEN”, different Mara, same forced marriage theme. Also, please consider buying me a coffee and helping a struggling writer out. I spend a lot of time writing and while I do love it and love updating and hearing your comments it takes a lot of effort especially since I am not a Brit.. Ugh. Why?
> 
> http://www.buymeacoffee.com/Bailloo2207 is where you can donate if you like. Thank you so much.

A knock on her door.. probably Helena, Mara thinks for she had a habit of crawling into bed with her when she was scared, especially when it was raining heavily as it was tonight, so she told the visitor that they could enter but it wasn't.. Helena. It was her mother, shifting nervously at the entrance of her room.

Mara temporarily stopped combing her hair, looked at her mother, then continued and said, "come in Mother'. Henrietta Kensington walked over to her daughter and sat on her daughter's bed, which was close to where Mara was sitting.

Neither of them spoke for a little while until her mother did.

"I.. I always envisioned what your wedding day would be like when you were a child.. I can't believe that day is come.. It is.. bittersweet to see your daughter leaving the nest and trying to make one of her own", Henrietta stated but Mara didn't reply just continued with what she was doing, and an awkward silence resumed.

"I know you're still cross with me", Henrietta mentioned yet Mara still didn't answer.

"I want you to know that I am sorry for.. the way I approached the whole Henry situation", she nervously stated, and Mara stopped combing her hair suddenly and directed her attention at her mother.

"It wasn't your fault.. He did a terrible thing to you.. to all of us.. He promised you he would marry you and instead he left you, left all of us in the cold. He strung you along for years and then.. choose _her_ instead. I want you to know that I will never speak to her aunt and niece, and the same goes for your father, who is completely fine with it as well. We are so sorry.. _I am_ so sorry" and she nodded for emphasis, tearing up at the same moment.

Mara sighed, put the comb down and turned to face her mother.

"I understand, mother, trust me I do. We were engaged for years so therefore other suitors, if there had been any in the first place, did not inquire after me.. As you know I am now not the youngest anymore and my options to marry were now limited, if not non-existing so I understand your concern. but I couldn't help but feel disappointed with you, as if had done something wrong.. Look I understand Lauren is prettier than me- ", she said shyly and looked down.

"Nonsense", her mother had grabbed her hand and gently squeezed it.

"Nonsense". She had gotten up and gently touched Mara's face and then gently raised it up with one figure.

"You are just as beautiful, if not more my dearest Mara. And thankfully things worked out for you. The Lord does work in mysterious ways indeed. Anthony Bridgerton is a wonderful match; someone I would have never dreamed of.. He is handsome, affluent, his family is lovely, and you get along great with them his siblings-.

"I don't love him, mother". The statement was out before she knew it, and both were startled by the sudden confession for words were not uttered.

Henrietta sighed.

"I know.. but maybe you will.. later ", Henrietta suggested softly but Mara shook her head.

"What if I can't.. What if I never will? You do know.. it's the same for him, don't you? He isn't in love with me. I doubt he even wants me at all", she emphasized. At that point Henrietta Kensington had to do her best not to smile.. Yeah sure, he didn't want Mara _uhuh._

Henrietta was certain that his staring the other day as they got down from the stairs was not directed at the old bat she was. She knew all too well what a man looked like when he wanted a woman, she had no reservations about him not being attracted to her. Okay maybe there only hey were 'good' in the lust department, maybe love would follow.

"Give it time, dearest. Who knows? maybe you and Anthony will learn to love each other", Henrietta smiled, a tad unsurely now.

Mara wanted to shake her head again but stopped herself from doing so, thankfully her mother didn't notice.

"It is no use to speculate or overthink things now. You must give it time.. I'll know you'll do your best", Henrietta said and then she proceeded to embrace and kiss her daughter a while before she let go and stepped back.

"Now, I think it's best if both of us get some sleep. Big day ahead tomorrow after all", Henrietta smiled and with that Mara was alone again.

Big day ahead indeed.. Her wedding day and no matter how long she tried to deny the feeling, it all felt so incredibly strange to her, almost surreal. Tomorrow her name would be Mara Bridgerton..

It sounded nice.. Mara Bridgerton, if she was honest yet why.. then why did she feel dread?

***************************

Anthony was looking at his likeness in the mirror and liked what he saw. The tailor had done a magnificent job with this suit. The finest of materials was used, the cut was pristine, and the suit fit amazingly well on his body. He was straightening his jacket and taking on different poses to see the suit from different sides, all in all he was incredibly pleased.

"You look dashingly handsome my dear son..". Anthony looked up and saw Violet standing by his door.

"Thank you mother", he beamed.

"Come on.. We don't want to be late", she warned him with a smile and soon the entire family headed of the church. The priest was already there waiting for them but so far only the groom had arrived. As the minutes ticked by, the priest reminded Anthony that he had to perform another ceremony soon and Anthony was starting to panic..

She was going to show up surely right? What if she didn't? What if she decided not to go ahead with this? Oh dear.. He could easily imagine Lady Whistledown was going to write about next. Fuck.. But what was worse, he felt his heart drop, the thought she wouldn't want to marry him after all made him feel awful. His distress was clear to be seen.

"She'll be here, brother. Don't worry. She's just late", Colin said but somewhere starting to doubt she would show up.

"Exactly, you know what London's traffic is like?", Benedict argued, trying to put his oldest brother at ease.

"I wish I had sent over MY carriage to pick them up early this morning. Why didn't I think of that?". Simon mentioned as if that would have changed things.

Anthony wanted to say something like 'it's alright, not your fault' to his brother-in-law but a second later the doors opened, and the Kensington family hurriedly walked in. William and Henrietta were the first to enter, followed by Helena and also.. some faces he didn't recognize but he believed they were Henrietta's relatives for the two women had a resemblance to each other.

Anthony took a breath of relief.

"We're so sorry. It took ages to get here.. Apparently an accident had happened earlier, and the road was blocked for a long time", Mrs. Kensington apologised.

The only two people missing were Lucas and Mara, but he didn't have to wait long to see them. Lucas walked inly after, on the verge of tears, and Anthony figured there had been an emotional moment between the two siblings.

Upon Lucas's entering, William Kensington had walked back to the entrance to meet his nervous daughter, entangled his arm with hers and then they slowly walked down the aisle..

It was early morning but still the church was rather dark, and the dark stained-glass windows didn't help much so he could not see her well when she was still in the back but when she walked forward..

**Oh boy..**

"Anthony!", Benedict whispered..

"Wha.. What?" Anthony asked him, slightly annoyed that his attention was drawn elsewhere.

"Close your mouth..", Benedict warned, trying to keep himself from laughing out loud but ultimately managing.

She wore a long satin dress with lace embellishments that seemed to be all over it. Her black hair was tied up and adorned at the back with an equally ornate veil. In her hands, she held a small bouquet of white roses and tulips, finished off with some green elements, like leaves. She was wearing modest earrings, it seemed, but they stood out and sparkled in passing.

It seemed to take ages but finally they arrived at Anthony and the priest.

"Who gives this woman away?", the priest asked.

"I am" said William Kensington and he kissed his daughter on the cheek, took her hand and put it in Anthony's. The choir began singing a short hymn and afterwards it was time for the actual ceremony to begin.

"Dearly Beloved, we are gathered here today in the presence of God and these witnesses, to join Anthony Bridgerton and Mara Kensington in holy matrimony".

The priest cleared this throat before continuing.

"As we all know marriage is not to be entered into lightly but reverently, passionately, lovingly and solemnly. Into this - these two persons present now come to be joined, before God and before their families.," the priest spoke.

He did not want to waste much time because he was already running late so he quickly came to the core of the matter.

"Anthony Lewis Bridgerton, do you take Mara Louisa Bridgerton to be your lawful wedded wife. To this question, what say you?".

"I do.. "Anthony answered with his heart beating faster than he had expected.

"Mara Louise Kensington.. Do you take Anthony Lewis Bridgerton to be your lawful wedded husband? To this question, what say you?".

"I..", she began but the second word didn't want to leave her mouth, so it seemed.

Oh no she was hesitating and Anthony starting to panic again, sure she would say no and run away a moment later, yet she surprised him.

"I do", she replied, and the priest nodded in agreeance.

"You may exchange rings", he spoke, and that moment Anthony looked at Benedict who got a little box from his pocket and gave it to Anthony.

Anthony reached for Mara's hand and noticed it was shaking.. He briefly grazed over it with his thumb as if to convey everything was alright but that somehow made things worse. He gently put the ring on her finger and Mara then nervously reached for Anthony's hand and quickly did the same.

"By the power invested in me I now pronounce you husband and wife. You may kiss the bride", he friendly smiled, glad his schedule wasn't going to run out.

Anthony felt like someone had dropped a bucket of ice on his head, how on earth could he have forgotten.. He was supposed to kiss her wasn't he? On the mouth nonetheless but, but he couldn't? He _couldn't_ kiss her on the mouth..

It was an incredibly awkward moment for all to witness because Anthony had just frozen, was just looking at her, then at his family, then at her again. No one dared to say a thing, but eventually common sense kicked in and Anthony bent over to kiss her, not on the lips, but on the lower corner of her jaw, carefully avoiding her lips.

She then froze at impact for she had sensed his trepidation but then quickly withdrew her face. They just stood there a little, looking at each other like two lost puppies, only to be awakened from their daze by the organ playing, a musical rendition of Psalm 2.

They slowly turned towards their guests and Anthony once again reached out to Mara with his hand, which Mara nervously took. He noticed that by now she had started to shake even more.

The bride and groom started to make their way through the corridor. Both sides of the pews look relieved that things were over with and smiled happily at the couple.

After the ceremony, the wedding party retreated to the Bridgerton's where a lavish breakfast was served which was extended to brunch. Mara relaxed considerably, since the hard part of the day was over and chatted with Eloise, Francesca, and Penelope. The other guests seemed to be enjoying themselves as well, Violet was engrossed in conversation with William, who was sharing funny anecdotes of his military days.

"You should have seen the poor sod when he found out I was his superior!.. He was practically.. well let's just see he needed to use the lavatory soon", William joked upon which Henrietta briefly smacked his arm, warning him that this type of talk might be inappropriate.

Violet didn't care though as she found the story to be funny and she started laughing.

She was talking to Eloise and her friend Penelope when Anthony walked up to her, touched her briefly (to which she was startled) and told her that he wanted to go soon.

"Naturally," she said, slightly afraid of what was to come.

Shortly afterwards their conversation, Anthony tapped his glass with his spoon, thanked everyone for coming but indicated that they intended to leave in a little while. The wedding party mumbled something along the lines of 'of course' and "it's getting rather late anyway".

"To Anthony and Mara", Benedict had said, and he raised his glass and the rest followed quickly, wishing the new couple all the best.

Then everyone walked downstairs with the bride and groom. Mara kissed her first mother goodbye and at that moment mother and daughter had to do their best not to burst into tears. Then it was her father's turn, and she could see that he was having a hard time as well, but the worst part was saying goodbye to her siblings.

Lucas had started crying again, just like in the morning, but this time Helena followed suit. She threw her little body into her big sisters' arms, sobbing, unwilling to let go.

"Listen, I'm not moving to Antarctica" although it did feel that way to be honest.

"I am only a couple of streets away.. You'll visit me, won't you?" and Helena had let go and nodded, through her tears. Mara kissed her all over her face then went over to Lucas and embraced him for a long time. Then she tried her best to speed up the process because she did not know how long she could hold out in order not to burst into tears.

She said goodbye to her aunt, her uncle and their children and then said adieu to her brand-new in-laws, imploring Daphne, Francesca, Penelope, and Eloise to drop by soon. They got in the carriage and as it started moving she looked back and saw everyone waving at them.

And then they were alone... on their way to the house... _their_ new house.

*****************

The house was charming, and she instantly liked it. He gave her a tour. The drawing room looked cosy and she liked the furniture in it, the dining room bigger than she had expected because he said it was small. Yet it was big enough to entertain guests if she wanted to. It was a strange thought to have though, as if she was planning on having their friends over for dinner parties and tea's and what not. Like some 'regular' married couple. On the second floor there were three rooms, as he had mentioned before, and she nervously followed him upstairs.

Did he keep his promise? Would she get her own room? He sensed her trepidation and immediately pointed to a room on the left.

"This is your room", he pointed and walked with her towards it and opened the door.

It was a nicely furnished room with what appeared to be a comfortable bed, two large dressers and a vanity. Mara had no complaints.

"I had all your garments, and such put away by the maid. If you look in your closets you will find your dresses".

But she didn't speak, and he wondered if things were not to her liking.

"If.. If you're not happy with your room I can make arrange-," he had asked nervously, to which she had smiled and said that she was, and damn it! His heart had spontaneously started to beat faster and something inside had.. fluttered. Damn it. This was supposed to be a marriage of convenience right?

"The one in the middle.. Simon has been kind enough to convert that one into a bathroom" and he had pointed, which was stupid because she could tell which one was in the middle.

"The one on the right.. is, is my room" he said, now even more awkwardly.

"I see" she had said and felt her face starting to redden.

"Well, that was the tour... I understand if you want to get some rest... I um... I have some work to do downstairs," he said shyly.

He had figured it out... She was afraid of what was expected of them now that they were married and sensed this. He didn't want to force anything on her, that was the last thing he wanted. So, he suggested she'd withdraw, to give her a way out... At least for now, he would be biding his time but on the other hand, he had never been the beacon of patience.

In any case, he hoped that she would soon come closer to him... because he couldn't exactly walk around with these type _of feelings_ for too long. He was attracted to her and wanted to act on said attraction but not without her consent.

Mara accepted his request and they only saw each other at the dinner where they had their meal in silence, apart from small talk answering his questions like "did she have a good rest?" etc.

After dinner they sat together in their drawing room, like two complete strangers, both trying their best to read but failing miserably. There was unspoken tension between them and neither wanted to challenge the other. She couldn't take it anymore, apologised with the excuse that she had a headache and went to her room, undressed, lay down and thought about the day.

She was now married, and the concept surprised her intensely now as she had always expected to be with Henry for the rest of her life. The fact that her husband was not Henry, but Anthony unnerved her immensely, even though she should know better by now.

A relationship with Henry would never happen again and the thought made her sad. All those memorable events she had hoped for, looked forward to, the wedding and honeymoon, but also losing her virginity to him, and maybe later giving birth to his child, experiencing him as a father... It would never come true, especially not now since she also was 'spoken for' and when this finally, finally dawned on her, she burst into tears.

He was very tired and decided to retreat early himself as well. As he quietly went upstairs he heard her.. Heard her crying and he knew.. he knew exactly why she was sobbing, and he also knew it had nothing to do with him.

*********************

They lived like strangers alongside each other for days, then weeks, then.. _three and half_ months had passed since the wedding.

There was no resentment or anything, they were friendly and polite to each other but there was nothing more than that. She did her best to avoid him, it seemed. Spent her time with her family or with his. She got on very well with Colin and Benedict but also had animated conversations with Simon when he and Daphne visited.

Mara got on well with everyone... except him, it seemed, and it annoyed him more than he would like to admit and did not help his mood.

Instead of talking to her, he also chose her tactics and started avoiding her, especially in the evenings, resulting in a lonely Mara who was doing her best to read in the drawing room. He was with Simon and his brothers in one of those gentleman establishments.

Benedict had asked him something, but Anthony had responded gruffly, nearly verbally biting his brother's head off.

"Jesus Christ, you've been so grumpy lately" Benedict had reproached his brother.

"I have not been grumpy, Ben. Shut your mouth" Anthony snarled.

"To be fair, Anthony.. Benedict is right.. You have been in a bad mood lately", Colin argued, and Anthony had looked at both of his brothers and saw they were telling the truth. God he was such an ass sometimes..

"Sorry. Sorry lads.. I didn't mean to", he apologized upon which they said it was alright and that he could share his troubles with them if they wanted to. They suspected of course that it had something to do with his marriage but didn't want to pry.

"You know you can trust us not to tell anyone", Simon remarked. Anthony sighed deeply and then told them everything, about him and Mara avoiding each other but he did not speak of the fact they had not been intimate.. but they had caught on.

"Brother.. I know I shouldn't pry and it's not any of my business but does this mean that you two have not been- "and before Colin could finish Anthony had nodded.

They were silent for a while taking this news in and didn't know how to respond.

"I get.. I understand that she has her reservations. I understand that we should get to know each other better before.. I.. I don't know. It looks like she doesn't want anything to do with me", he said and then took a big sip from his whiskey (he had lost count at what number whiskey he was).

"I don't know what to do. At this point.. I genuinely don't" and he shook his head and drank again.

Simon, Colin, and Ben didn't know what to say, what advice to give him..

Yet then Benedict then thought it would be best to be frank with Anthony even if the truth were going to hurt him.

"There is no shame in divorcing.. I mean it is still unconventional but not that uncommon anymore. I am sure her and our family will be devastated but there is no point in staying in a loveless marriage, Anthony. Especially if things are the way they are now, I don't see it improving".

"You.. You are right. Absolutely right.. but the thing is. I _don't want to_.. divorce her. I want to see if there is a possibility where- ", he began before he got interrupted.

"You are too stubborn for your own good Anthony. Why do you always have to win? Must do the absolute best, chase perfection? Sometimes the best thing to do is give up and accept that some things can't be fixed.", Benedict warned.

But Anthony shook his head.

"I can't.. Not now.. It's too soon." And he sighed.

"Maybe a year from now but not at this time..", he faintly argued.

"I am afraid you're setting yourself up for failure.. but it's your life and I can't tell you what to do with it", Benedict sighed.

"I am worried about you though, about both of you", he admitted.

"Don't be, Ben.. I'l handle it.. I am sure things will work out.. eventually", Anthony tried to reassure his brother but he wasn't actually sure himself. They changed the subject, chatted a bit more before everyone went on their separate ways home.

***************

It was late. Extremely late and he hadn't returned. It bothered her. A lot. It was uncaring, she thought, to just come home late without notifying her. A simple message would have sufficed but no... apparently that was too much effort. She had started to worry inwardly and came up with a few things that might have happened to him. Maybe he got mugged? Attacked? London these days was dangerous because she had heard of several robberies occurring.

Or maybe he had fallen ill perhaps, due to drinking too much, which he seemed too often do these days. Perhaps, his intentions were innocent, and he had chosen to stay at the Bridgertons in lieu of spending the night here.

 _Or.._ and the thought brought upon a painful jolt in her chest.. maybe he was with.. _her._ She didn't want to think about it much longer and because sleep was failing her she decided to go down and heat up some milk in the kitchen.

Mara was able to light the furnace and put a pan with milk on one of the burners, almost thankful for the time her family had fallen into financial hardship and they had to sack most of their staff and Mara had to learn to do things herself. Just as the pan of milk was about to boil over Mara had removed the pan from the burner and proceeded to extinguish the 'fire' below.

She got a mug and poured the milk into it and then flavoured it with some sugar and she sipped.. And then she thought of him again, even though she did not want to.

"Can't sleep?", she heard, and she had almost let go of her mug in consternation.

It was him and he was standing in the kitchen, not too far away from her. Fuck.. He had never seen her before with her robe on, which was open by the way and she quickly closed it and tying the ends together.

She was mad at him but then at the same time.. felt silly for being mad at him because she shouldn't be.. He was avoiding her as much as she was him, still she thought he had been acting inconsiderate. At least SHE would let him know where she was..

"I am.. having trouble sleeping, yes so I made myself some milk" she answered, thinking a second later she sounded pathetic.

He didn't speak just semi-glared at her and it made her feel a tad uncomfortable.

"Well then.. Sleep well", eager to go back to her quarters.

"Aren't you going to ask where I was tonight? Or do you just _don't care_?", he accused.

It was a bold thing to accuse her of after she had been worrying about him just now, but she wasn't going to tell him that.

"Fine", she answered, crossing her arms. "Where have you been, Mr.. Brid-, Anthony?".

 _"Out.."_ he replied with a slightly mean smirk and she huffed indignantly.

"Thank you for that elaborate answer, I do hope you had a good night" and then again wanted to leave but he 'verbally stopped" her again.

"I think you would take more effort in finding out where I was if I had been Benedict or Colin, right? Or Simon for that matter" and the last part of the sentence came out a lot more sneering than he intended to.

What did he say? He couldn't possibly suggest that she had behaving improperly around the gentlemen he mentioned.. and it made her angry, incredibly angry as she stepped towards him, and stopped right in front.

"Are you accusing me of inappropriate behaviour? Are you? How dare you accuse me of such a thing. It is vulgar and despicable of you to even suggest I- ".

"No. I am not accusing you of anything. I am just stating the obvious. That you would probably be more worried about _them_ since you get on so well. You get on well with everyone.. Everyone but me.." and he looked genuinely hurt.

The admission confounded Mara and she didn't know what to say for a few moments but then she took a few steps towards him.

" _I was worried_.. about you. About where you were.. I thought something had happened to you", Mara earnestly stated and said statement had an immediate effect on Anthony for he relaxed, and his entire demeanour changed.

"You _were_?" he wished to know earnestly, hoping that she was sincere but then relieved when she saw that she was.

"I was.. Please let me know.. I mean you don't have to know but I would like.. to be notified if you're going to be late for future reference... There, there have been robberies and they target.. the richer men mostly", she said shyly.

"Alright, I will" he smiled, reassuring her.

"Thank you" she said, still very, very shy, regretting her decision to come this close to him for holy mother of God. The man was a sight to see up close even in the dimly lit kitchen and she was an idiot for not noticing before.

"Goodnight, Anthony", and she smiled briefly.

"Goodnight", he said but then..

Then he had suddenly bent towards her and kissed her on the cheek, and she froze. He quickly retreated, sensing he had gone too far but at that moment something happened, some sort of non-verbal exchange happened and their eyes locked. The experience was akin to what had happened in the restaurant a couple of months back.

With a slight sense of trepidation, fearful of her rejection, he bent down towards her, this time lower. He aimed at her neck and kissed her there and she gasped, she literally gasped which gave him the confidence to continue.

He moved upwards towards her face this time and began to kiss the corners of her jaw, then her cheek before switching to the other side of her features and repeating the same thing. She was breathing heavier, taking more breaths in a way to calm herself which was a fruitless endeavour because She Could. Not. Calm. Down.

He had proceeded to hold her closer but had begun to gently place his hands on her body, and began to stroke her side, then quickly grazing over her hip, then back up again, all the while placing his mouth all over her neck.

She hadn't noticed how he had not thought about placing his lips on hers and how he was actively avoiding doing so for she felt that any minute her heart was going to jump out of her chest.

"You are.. so.. lovely. _So_ lovely. _So beautiful_ " he confessed to her and Mara couldn't breathe as he was holding so her so close it felt like he was cutting off her circulation, which he wasn't of course. In fact, somewhere during all of it occurring she had unconsciously put her arms around him, and they were effectively holding EACH other.

"I want to take you to my bed", he whispered.

As if that sentence wasn't bad enough he had simultaneously cupped her breast and grazed briefly with his fingers over it.

It felt like someone had thrown a bucket of iced water over her head for that move of his 'awakened' her and she broke free from his hold and took a few steps back. Henry.. Henry had touched her 'there' not too long ago and now a stranger, someone she barely knew had done the same.

He could see that she was disturbed and quickly scolded himself for thinking he had gone too far.

"Mara. I am sorry.. I think I, I went too far", he said. 

"Forgive me", he pleaded.

"It's.. It's not your fault" she said.

"Not your fault" before she turned around and ran upstairs, opened the door, and collapsed in her bed.


	5. The Ball

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WRITERS NOTE  
> I initially had a different outcome for this chapter; a fight and .. something else hehe but it would run on for too long and I already took 5 hours to write. AGAIN...  
> Hope you enjoy.
> 
> Listen.. I have a favour to ask. I really, really don’t want to go on Patreon or make this an otherwise “paid story”, for I believe it should be free so I won’t. And I don’t think I am at the level of penmanship to start a paid subscription type thingy BUT..
> 
> But buy me a coffee? Perhaps? So, I can write more chapters, update more frequently?
> 
> http://www.buymeacoffee.com/jazzyxwrites. Thanks very much.

**WRITERS NOTE**

I initially had a different outcome for this chapter; a fight and .. something else hehe but it would run on for too long and I already took 5 hours to write. AGAIN...

Hope you enjoy.

Listen.. I have a favour to ask. I really, really don't want to go on Patreon or make this an otherwise "paid story", for I believe it should be free so I won't. And I don't think I am at the level of penmanship to start a paid subscription type thingy BUT..

But buy me a coffee? Perhaps? So, I can write more chapters, update more frequently? **_buymeacoffee.com/bailloo2207._** Thanks very much.

*************************

Anthony was confused, very confused about what had occurred. On the one hand he was relieved, relieved that the desire towards her,. that had been building up within him had had some sort of release.

On the other hand. Uh-oh. Maybe he should not have kissed her, maybe he went too far and once again he could not make up his mind and the confusion persisted.

He had been complaining about the state of his marriage towards his brothers, but he had fault as well for he had _allowed_ her to ignore him. And he was okay with it or so he thought. He was okay with her purposely waiting for him to leave, for her to stay hours at her parents and return late.. Okay with conversations at the dinner table that primarily existed of 'how are you, good, thanks you?' rinse and repeat times 30.

He pretended to be a gentleman under the ruse of 'giving her time' but Anthony had fooled himself into thinking she was the only one that needed time to adjust.

_She wasn't._

It was strange and slightly unnerving.. having her around the house, living like two strangers even though they should not have been, not after two and half months, not in certain 'regards. He had felt aroused last night. He had been, the occurrence had put him on edge, and now he wanted her even more even though.. at the same time, he didn't **_want t_ o _want her._**

It didn't make sense but nowadays nothing seemed to make sense. Anthony Bridgerton, the once clearheaded, steadfast individual that was a force to be reckoned with, was a mess.

Constantly in doubt, especially around Mara, as if he couldn't trust himself. As if the closer he got to Mara, the farther he would get from Sienna and he didn't want that. Not even now when he knew she had married for she didn't leave his mind; he still scoured the newspapers to find out if she was performing somewhere. The last couple of months she had not.

On the other hand, he hated the current status quo with Mara. He wished they had gotten closer by now, but they weren't. Things were still so awkward between them and they should not have been. It was driving him mad and he hated feeling like this, torn, indecisive and caught between a rock and a hard place.

***********

Mara had carefully avoided him or so she thought, thinking he had gone out to attend his appointments, forgetting it was Sunday but there he was, in all his glory, his face hidden behind the newspaper, which he put down as soon as he heard her coming IN.

"Good morning" he had smiled, friendly but a.. little distant, she thought.

"Good morning" she said a little perturbed, unsure what to do know, standing there uncomfortably and undoubtedly with reddening features.. Mara was unsure what to do. She could provide an excuse an excuse that she had forgotten something in her room, go back and wilfully stay there until she knew he was out of the dining parlour or just OUT, just like she had the done the last couple of months, but it would be too obvious.

"Are you not hungry?" he inquired with a curious expression on his face.

"Sit, please" he said and pointed to a chair; located not too close to him but not that far either so. She quietly walked over to it, took place, served herself from the trays that were on the table and started eating and he pretended to be interested in his paper again, to no avail.

They both sensed the uncomfortable atmosphere between them and were drawn to it, whether they wanted to ignore it or not, there seemed to be an elephant in the room that was not easy to chase away, ready to attack.

She ate silently, he read silently.. until he had had it. He put the newspaper down, blinked a couple of times with his eyes, sighed and addressed her.

"About last night.. "he began but she interrupted him.

"W.. WE don't need to discuss it.. I do not blame you for anything, as I said.. It.. just happened" she quickly mentioned, not straying from her current gaze at her plate.

"I see your point but please.. allow me to explain something".

He glanced at her and saw that she was still staring at her plate rather than at him but had not responded so he cleared his throat, shyly.

"I know it is not an excuse, but I was rather inebriated last night which may have interfered with my ability to think clearly. And while you made it clear that I was not overstepping any boundaries your reaction afterwards was telling. "he said with a pained expression.

With that she had glanced at him and could see a variety of emotions in his eyes, hurt, rejection but also guilt, he thought he had done something awful, against her will which wasn't exactly true.

She wasn't going to lie. Mara had had difficulty reasoning coherently, last night, when he had started to kiss her down her neck, but she had been lucid enough to know what was happening. It had caught her off guard, sure, she wasn't going to deny that, but it had not been.. entirely unpleasant if she was honest. Just.. when he had made that _'move'_. the memory of her former fiancée had invaded her mind and caused chaos, and it opened the closed "Henry vault" therefore letting the proverbial monsters getting out.

"What I mean to say is that if I hurt or upset you, in any way shape or form, I am sorry for it. Deeply. And it will not happen again" he resolutely stated but the pronunciation of the last part had been dejected.

He then nodded to her, gave her a sad smile, got up from his seat, turned away from her, intending to leave.

" Mr.. Bridger-. Anthony." he heard calling after him.

For some reason, she had kept calling him Mr. Bridgerton even though he had insisted she'd call him Anthony now, but it was to no avail, sometimes she kept addressing him as such but corrected herself mid-pronunciation.

"Please don't feel bad about last night. I was equally involved." she shyly was able to pronounce, her thundering heart making it nearly impossible to speak, her face undoubtedly red as a beet.

He turned around with a kind of baffled expression for she had just taken responsibility for her 'part' so to speak, maybe she wanted to put him on ease, to ease his burden of guilt. Anthony didn't know for sure, but he was happy that she did.

"I appreciate you saying this.. Thank you, really I appre. - "he was repeating himself, starting to mumble like an idiot. This was another effect she had had on him for he never spoke without hesitation. He quickly recuperated himself and then a thought crossed his mind, an idea and he quickly shared it with her.

"Would you like to go to lunch with me? I have an appointment with Colin and Benedict, hunting but I could make it back by noon.. if you're interested only of course", he added, hoping somewhere deep down she would.

"Uh.. I would like but my parents invited me for lunch.. well Helena did basically, she basically demanded I'd drop by', she looked at him apologetically.

"Ah I see. Another time then,, perhaps. Give my regards to your family.. Well, see you later." he said with a brief smile before exiting the room.

He was slightly disappointed; he had wanted to go out with her but at least they had talked about the elephant in the room and that at itself was progress right? Right? But why? WHY were things still so awkward, so unnatural between them.. still. Maybe the air had cleared between them but there were still clouds there, ready to overshadow them and everything that stood in between.

***************

"So glad you could come, sissy", Helena grinned, with a mouth full of omelette.

"Helena Kensington.. How many times must I tell you to eat with your mouth CLOSED?", her mother reproached.

"Sorry mama", the little curly haired giggled and Lucas had winked at her upon which she did the same.

"How is Anthony, dear?", Henrietta asked Mara.

"He is well. Sends his regards", Mara quickly replied, hoping her mother would not ask her more.

"That's good to hear.", Henrietta stated nonchalantly.

After a little while both Lucas and Helena said they were done eating and asked to leave the table upon which they were permission to, leaving Mara and Henrietta alone and an awkward silence followed..

Something was bothering Henrietta, and she knew she wasn't the type to just shut up about it. She had learned that it was better to speak up than shut up because when one did not talk about what was bothering to me it would be detrimental to someone's health.. at one point. And she wanted to know... wanted to know if things had improved between them by now.

"I don't mean to pry, dear but- ", Henrietta began but did not getting far with her inquiry. Mara had dropped her fork suddenly and the sound of it echoed in the room.

"Then _don't_. Don't pry. _Please_ ", she pleaded while looking desperately at her matter. "We have discussed this matter before and it is making me highly uncomfortable, but you will not let it go", Mara said wistfully.

At this point she was wishing she had gone to lunch with Anthony instead. Wait.. She had thought of him just now and not thought of calling him Mr. Bridgerton which was strange and something she should ponder over but not now. They had fallen silent for a minute, but silence had never deterred Henrietta before so here.. came round two.

"It has been nearly three months, Mara", her mother reminded.

"I know.. Don't you think I don't?", Mara replied, feeling slightly desperate to get out of this uncomfortable conversation. She really didn't need a reminder.. Not at all.

"Then what seems to be the problem? I don't understand. He.. he fancies you" and upon hearing this Mara had blushed and her mother had rolled her eyes at her.

"I may be old, love, but I am no fool and my eyes work properly. I have seen the way he looks at you", she clarified.

"Mara we both know this union was built on unsteady grounds so therefore it is important, vital even there is a...connection between the two of you in the bedroom", Henrietta argued.

"The Duchess of Hastings did not know anything about what a man and woman do in the privacy of their home at their wedding night. She told me herself. Her mother did not inform her so that subject was untouched, and I am willing to bet, Lady Bridgerton doesn't interfere with what they do in the bedroom. How about you do the same, mother?".

"Oh, come off it, Mara. Your married friends have told you all about the wedding night. I overheard your conversations.. NO. Don't GLARE at me like that I was not eavesdropping! My point is. You are not a 19-year-old debutante, you are 26 and well informed. Surely we can talk like adults here. And mind you.. I think Violet Bridgerton _would interfere_ if she saw that the marriage of her daughter is in DANGER" and Henrietta had unwillingly shouted the last part.

"I am leaving" Mara said, getting up but her mother had gripped her hand, disrupting her quest to get away and was staring intently at her.. She had to get her message across to her daughter because if she didn't she would not be able to forgive herself later.

"Mara, forgive me" and Henrietta sighed.

"I know I am often too frank with you, and I know you hate it when I am. Dearest, sooner or later, you are going to have to go to his room or invite him to yours.. I am saying this for your own good and I am warning you.. if you want this relationship to function, you _must_.. do the things that are required and expected of a wife. I know this is not fair but that's just how things are.. But I suppose the real question here is, my sweet daughter, do you _want_ this relationship to function? At all?".

Mara didn't know what to say, as if she had suddenly forgotten to speak but she still encompassed the ability of common sense. Damn it. Her mother had a point.. Good God, she hated it when that happened.

"If not, Mara.. Do not lead that man along for he does not deserve it, neither do you. END it. The divorce will cause many a malicious tongue to speak and one can only think what Lady Whistledown will write but we will survive. It'll be fine.. we have endured worse" referencing the time where their family was hit with financial hardship.

Mara stared at her mother a moment longer then wriggled her wrist free, announced she was leaving and did so, experiencing a desperate need to cry but supressing it, barely. She could not fall apart know.. had to wait until she got 'home'.

******************

"Anthony" he heard the familiar voice beckoning him. He was just about to leave, already had his coat but no.. no chance to escape. He had come over to discuss things with Colin then had lingered for lunch and long after purposefully, not exactly eager to return to his home, yet.

"Lady Bee, how may I be of assistance to you?", he asked, grinning cheekily.

"Oh, _how courteous_ we are today. I would like to have a conversation with the Viscount if that is possible.", she smiled but he knew that she wanted something and was likely not going to be subtle about tit.

"I was about to leave but since you asked so politely.. of course, dear Madam. Lead the way.", he joked.

They sat in their drawing room, where it was quiet, and they were alone. Colin and Benedict had left, Eloise was at the Featherington's and Hyacinth and Gregory were annoying each other in the garden.

Violet Bridgerton poured tea, sat down, got something from the table, a leaflet and gave it Anthony.

"Oh mother. You really ought not to read these.. They are full of sh-".

"Last paragraph, Anthony. Last paragraph", Violet Bridgerton sternly spoke before Anthony could finish his sentence.. He turned the leaflet around and read.

_"Dear Reader,_

_I am told the Viscount Bridgerton and his lovely wife were absent at the last couple of balls and have yet to make their official introduction as a couple.. This slightly worries me for I am a staunch supporter of this union as you might be aware of._

_I do hope everything is well between the two, especially since their betrothment period was so short. Unfortunately, one does really and only get to know each other only when they are living together, as husband and wife._

_I am not too brash to admit that I was wrong about these two 'lovebirds' but then again NOT willing to admit defeat.. yet. Guess we'll have to see and let time tell, I'll keep you posted of course._

_Until next time, mes chers amis._

_Lady Whistledown._

Anthony glanced at his mother, then back at the leaflet, then back at Violet who was giving him a slightly disapproving no inquisitive look.

"Well?' Violet asked.

"Well, what, mum?", Anthony asked, genuinely curious.

His mother bit her lip briefly, tilted her head, something she would do to him as a child when he had done something wrong and he needed to be told off for it.

"I have been meaning to talk to you before but never had the opportunity to so far.. Me and your father were thrilled to have so many children, but it doesn't allow one much privacy".

Anthony looked at her silently and didn't wish to interrupt so Violet gathered her courage to ask him..

" How.. How are things between you and Mara?" she inquired.

"Excellent. Good.. I think". Damnit he had wanted to come across as sure of his case but faltered at the last part so his mother who was intuitive as always, knew enough, yet to Anthony's surprise she refrained from comment..

Briefly later she spoke what about something entirely else.

"Paul Hennessey's ball is up next, and he has been so kind invite us, and you and Mara as well', she informed him.

"He invited **_me_** _?_ Are you sure? He has hated me ever since we were children. I used to beat him up rather frequen-".

He stopped speaking because his mother gave him another disapproving look.

"I mean we never got along", Anthony concluded.

"Be that as it may, my son.. The invitation stands and you and Mara must be in attendance for it would be highly improper not to be.. Also, we certainly do not want an addition of rumours, do we?" Violet glared, slightly, but still it could be considered glaring.

Anthony shook his head.

"Brilliant! Now I have taken the liberty to, since the modiste has her measurements and I know what kind of gowns and colours she prefers, to commission a dress for Mara."

Anthony looked up in confusion but then understood what his mother tried to accomplish, now they had to go whether they wanted to or not.

"Madame Delacroix is expecting her tomorrow at 11.00 o'clock for the first fitting. Will you be so kind to relay the message, dear?", Violet said trying her best not to smirk.

Her plan was going to work, and the current score was Violet 1 Anthony 0. She knew Mara would be too polite to dare to refuse her mother-in-law and therefore would go to the fitting and.. the ball.

"I shall", he promised.

"So, when is the event taking place?" Anthony wanted to know.

"Friday".

" _This_ Friday?". Anthony asked, that was rather short notice.

"Yes _this_ one. Do not tell me that you are otherwise engaged? I am certain the gentleman establishments you frequent can do without your presence for one evening, don't you think?", she reprimanded sternly.

'No.... no.. Friday is good", he quickly added.

"Fantastic.. I am glad you'll join us even more so because I am taking Eloise with, to prepare her for next season, think of it as a trial run, and I need someone to restrain her when _she undoubtedly tries to escape_ ", Violet said with a knowing smile.

Anthony couldn't help but laugh and soon his mother joined him.

"Was that everything you wished to share with me?", Anthony asked and Violet nodded.

"Then I am off.. see you later.".

He kissed Violet goodbye and got in the carriage, during the short ride home he was reflecting on his conversation with his mother. Oh boy.. A ball with Mara.. Dancing. This was going to be interesting..

'*********************

She saw his carriage stopping in front of their house, uhm correction, the house and she took a deep breath. She hoped he would retreat to his study but instead heard footsteps going into her direction.. Was she so transparent that she would not be anywhere else to be found but in the library? And what was worse... Apparently, he had now caught on to her habits.

He knocked on the door but didn't wait for an answer, which Mara thought was perhaps.. impolite but then she realised that this his house and he could do whatever he wanted.

He entered the room and they exchanged glances awkwardly and both thought, against their will of course of what happened in the kitchen. She gazed down at the book in her lap.

Ugh. There it was again, that awkward tension between them that did not want to go away and was hated by both.

"How is your family?", he inquired politely, and Mara looked up at him for it would be rude not to.

"Good. They send their regards", she lied for she had stormed out before anyone could say anything about sending regards.

"Oh, how nice. That is nice..". Apparently he had forgotten to speak proper English for he was repeating himself.. Aah Anthony wasn't such a smooth talker now was he?

"I um have something to discuss with you".

Mara frowned in confusion, wondering about what possibly he wanted to share with her.

"We are invited to Paul Hennessy's and his wife's Melissa's ball. It's uh, it is this Friday.. My mother has been so kind to think ahead and uhm, commission a gown for you at Madame Delacroix's and asks if you'll go to a fitting tomorrow at eleven o'clock".

A ball? Her mind was spinning, oh dear, a ball with _him and his family_ was going be there as well, as the rest of the 'ton'. This would be their first introduction as a couple, to everyone basically and the thought panicked her. What if she did something stupid, like spill her drink over him or herself, she was clumsy in general but especially when she was stressed out. Also.. Eyes would be upon them, probably not all the time but still, they would be watched, watched to see how they interacted with each other..

She had read Lady Whistledown's leaflet, which was coincidentally distributed today and was perturbed to see that the writer had not forgotten about them. Mara wished she had. And oh, oh _that Violet Bridgerton_ was a reallyyy clever lady because it would be very rude to deny the 'gift', the gown, that her mother-in-law had arranged for her to be sown. She knew what her mother-in-law was doing but couldn't possibly call her out on it..

"You don't have to go if you don't want too. I mean we could think of an excuse.." he suggested only because she, was panicking and he could see it by the way her chest was moving up and down..

 _Up and down her chest rose_ which made him notice.. things ahem.. By God. She had beautiful breasts, but it felt wrong to think it, in this situation.

"Of course, I'll go.. if you want me too of course but maybe...Maybe you want to take Eloise instead, perhaps?". It was a dumb thing to say really, she knew it, but she had suggested it, nonetheless.

"Eloise is coming too, most likely against her will. I am fairly sure mother is going to have to drag her along", Anthony replied.

This sort of lightened the mood because Mara snorted, and both laughed and then exchanged shy glances at each other afterwards, for they had shared a moment.. Only one moment.

"I will go to Madame Delacroix tomorrow", she shyly said.

"Perfect" he smiled.

"Now if you'll excuse me I have some work to do" (which was a bit fat lie because it was Sunday after all, but he hadn't slept very well and had been up half the night, replaying the 'incident' in his head.

"See you at dinner", he said before excusing himself.

The next couple of days they went back to their familiar habits of avoiding each other yet soon, the end of the week neared.

**FRIDAY EVENING**

The dress was beautiful, she really could not find a fault to it.. Madame Delacroix and her seamstresses were not one of the best in the business for nothing.

It was a long, flowy, light blue evening gown that made Mara's complexion and curvy frame stand out. Her hair was done up and adorned with jewellery and she wore similar ones on her arm, around her neck and in her ears.

Anthony couldn't take his eyes off her and done so ever since she came down the stairs, but Mara didn't notice it, of course..

They were in the carriage on their way to pick up Eloise and Violet. He had looked at her a couple of times, but she didn't seem to have any intention of talking, perhaps her nerves were playing tricks on her so Anthony said nothing.

"Good evening" said Violet cheerfully as she stepped inside and took a seat.

"There's not much _good to be said_ about this evening" Eloise declared a minute later, as she got on, to which Violet glared at her admonishingly.

"Fine. Fine" Eloise sighed.

"Good evening, _dearest brother, dearest sister-in-law,_ how _areeeee you_? Are you also looking forward to this wonderful ball like I am?" she said in a fake, sarcastic tone and Mara and Anthony started laughing.

"You two seriously. Don't encourage her." said Violet but even she couldn't suppress a chuckle.

They arrived at the ball. Anthony waited for everyone to disembark before hooking his arm around Mara's; the sudden touch causing her to startle briefly' but she quickly recovered.

Then and walked slowly inside, making their way through the crowd... and unfortunately to Mara's dismay there were indeed eyes on them and as they walked she could hear people murmuring/gossiping about them.

It bothered her but Anthony looked as if he was none the wiser.

"Welcome. Welcome Lady Bridgerton. How delightful of you to come..." said Paul Hennessy to Violet before he bent down to greet her properly.

"Anthony, welcome", Paul stated cheerfully, and Anthony was surprised. Paul had never been kind to him and vice versa but apparently people could change so therefore, since Paul was acting so amicably, Anthony should not bare resentment against him.

"Thank you for the invitation, Paul. Truly kind of you", Anthony stated as he shook Paul's hand.

"Oh, don't mention it" and he made a waving it off gesture before locking eyes with Mara.

"This must be your lovely wife?" he said, while looking at Mara. Mara quickly bowed and allowed Paul to place his lips on Mara's hand and a jolt of jealousy went through Anthony. That slimy git, he didn't want him to touch her..

NO. NO. He wasn't going to do this, he wasn't going to spoil this evening, Paul was just being polite.

Paul quickly mingled among his other guests, 'opened' the ball and the music started playing. To Eloise's utter delight, Penelope Featherington was present as well which she had not counted upon, as the Featherington's had just gotten back today from a stay at their aunts in Bath.

Eloise ran to Penelope before Violet could say anything. Mara noticed Penelope and they exchanged polite but brief smiles before the two best friends walked away, heavily chatting.. Mara liked Penelope but.. there was something off about her, but she couldn't put her finger on it. Yet Mara was aware of two things: A) Penelope was a lot smarter than people gave her credit for B) underestimating the girl would not be smart.. Not at all.

"Would you like to dance?" and suddenly Mara had regained her senses because he was asking her a question, but she hadn't heard it.

"Sorry, I didn't catch that?", Mara reproachfully said to which Anthony bent down, oh God he was so close again, near her ear and repeated his question.

"Oh. Oh. Yes. Certainly" she quickly replied, and he led her to the dance floor where they waited for the music to begin, there had been a short interlude prior. They were facing each other, on either sides of the room, and he was gazing at her, admiringly, which other people noticed but of course.. the person in question he was admiring, did not. Well, she tried not to..

The orchestra started playing and the guests moved, in tandem, circling each other. The women danced with different men and vice versa until one point, Mara and Anthony were standing across of the room again and everyone was back with their original dance partner. He took her fingers and entwined them before putting his arm around her, letting his hand rest on her shoulder and it felt like she.was.on.fire. She couldn't breathe, even more so, he gathered her closer, pulled her closer and she felt everyone watch.

They partook in a different waltz afterwards, which was a quick up-tempo one, and for some reason and as they danced, both started to smile and enjoy themselves.

Thankfully, the music stopped shortly afterwards, and everyone scattered, Anthony asked her, his mother and Eloise if they wanted something to drink, he couldn't find a servant for some reason and decided he wasn't going to wait any longer. She nodded and he went on his way to get some refreshments or a servant.

Things were going well so far, Anthony thought, and he was happy they were.

"Ladies and gentlemen.. If I may have your attention, please?", Paul asked, and everyone directed their attention towards him.

"Thank you. Now.. I have a little surprise in store for my esteemed guests tonight.. A real treat. Mind you, it was hard to convince her to perform because she is basically retired, yet I am happy to tell you I was able to. So, without further ado.. Would you all give her a big round of applause, here is the wonderful Sienna Rosso".

The guests clapped but Anthony froze in his tracks..

Couldn't move, only was able to turn his head towards the stage and oh yes, there she was in a long red dress, looking as beautiful as ever with those long dark curls. She started singing. She started and his heart started to thunder..

He just _stood_ there. Completely out of it, for what seemed to be ages until someone came up to stand next to him.

"What's the matter, Anthony? Aren't you enjoying the entertainment?" Paul inquired with a sly smile.

That BASTARD. He knew about them.. Bloody hell, was there anyone that DID NOT KNOW? He could KICK himself, apparently he had not been as cautious as he thought when he was still seeing Sienna because now at least two people were aware, Mara and Paul.

If looks could kill Paul would have been a dead man for certain. Eager to let not Paul or anyone else on, Anthony simply faced his former, no current nemesis and gave him a short reply.

"No, I am.. Miss Rosso is an accomplished singer. How fortunate you were able to book her" and Anthony did his best at a smile.

"My compliments for organizing such a great ball", he continued with before walking away from that slimy git.

Their eyes met.. and an expression of emotion flickered in hers before she purposely directed her gaze elsewhere. A short while later Anthony had found a servant and walked with him back to where Violet and Mara were standing.

Violet gave Anthony a knowing brief look, but Mara didn't face at him at all, not even when after Sienna's performance, he had asked her to dance again but she had curtly refused and had gazed down.

The rest of the evening was a bit of a blur but thankfully it came to an end and soon the lot of them were heading home.

"I had such a good time", Eloise happily exclaimed. "I am so glad I agreed to join you".

"Well good dear, maybe you would want to come to other balls in the future ", her mother quickly suggested.

"That don't be necessary, Mum.. One is enough for now" Eloise replied cheekily.

Violet glanced at Mara who was staring out of the window which Anthony noticed.. His mother briefly shook her head before extending a look of compassion towards Mara. Shortly after she and Eloise got off the carriage and went inside leaving the two newlyweds to themselves.

She didn't give him any attention at all, trying to convey that whatever was happening outside was way more interesting than Anthony, so he didn't speak to her, not at all.

When they arrived home, she got off the carriage, wordlessly, and headed upstairs but he couldn't take it.. He could not let play pretend and wanted to clear the air, explain something.

"Wait.. WAIT", he called after her. She stilled in her movement and turned around, in the middle of the stairs only gotten that far because that stupid dress of hers she had loved so much was too long. She hated it now. Hated everything about the evening.

"Can we talk please"?, Anthony asked wearily, feeling gloomy about how the evening had turned what.

"About _what_?", Mara said, slightly sneering, something she herself had not expected.

"About", and a sigh escaped him..

"About.."

Bloody hell, WHY couldn't you tell her? Why couldn't he explain? Why was all this so confusing?

She lightly scoffed and shook her head ever so slightly. The fool. She had been such a fool, there, tonight she had gotten proof. He still loved her, and Mara was just the replacement wife, the poor carbon copy and she didn't know why.. but it broke her heart.

Yet, he didn't need to know that did he?

"Whatever it is that is bothering you.. I am sure it is none of my business and therefore does not concern me" and with that she wanted to leave but no, he couldn't let things slide.

"It _should_ be your business. _It should be_ of your concern _!_ ", he snapped at her, angry at her reacting so unfairly, uncaring even. He did not know where the sudden burst of anger came from, but he went with it.

"Goodnight Mr. Bridgerton", she said with a deliberately cool tone and with that she turned and left him to be by himself, pondering about how such a good night had resulted to a horrible one.


	6. A lover's quarrel

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Writers note;  
> Alaska S. If you are reading this, thank you so very much for donating 5 euros to my buymeacoffee . Very much appreciate it! This chapter is dedicated to you. 
> 
> If you also want to donate, please do and then I’ll write more chapters. http://www.buymeacoffee.com/jazzyxwrites
> 
> As per usual this took forever to write, my apologies for shitty grammar and stuff. Two things I wanted to remind you/say; this is not canon-compliant for anyone you might argue “OOOH Anthony would not do that” and you would be right but this is my story and I have a tendency to write my male characters as I don’t know, arseholes I mean annoying at first for they come around so I am going with it.
> 
> Secondly: This story has gotten so much love from people and I just wanted to say as I am tearing up writing this.. Thank you from the bottom of my heart. I appreciate it so, so much. Check out my other story "A SEA BETWEEN" if you guys are interested. Different forced marriage, same Mara but in this one her last name is 'Malfoy' for she marries PRINCE Draco Malfoy.

The next day she did not come down for breakfast... Nor to lunch, and he consumed both in solitude for a day. It was clear she was avoiding up by preferring to stay in her room yet he had seen the servant taking things up on a tray to her so she must have felt hungry at one point.

In any case this just wasn't going to do. Nope. He wasn't going to ALLOW her to sulk in solitude and he wasn't on board with letting things linger on for longer than needed. So, when he saw the butler intending to go upstairs again, a thought entered his mind, an idea and he acted on it immediately by nearly sprinting over to the butler.

"Charleston... I'll take this upstairs, thank you". Charleston looked at him bewildered as he had known Anthony for years and he had never done this before but who was he to say anything? No, after twenty years of working for the Bridgertons, he had realised that sometimes it was better not to say anything.

"Of course," he said and handed him the tray.

"Thank you" said Anthony with a smile before walking slowly upstairs. Pff, he thought. How did people do this? The tray was heavy, and Anthony was already struggling to keep his balance, but luckily he made it to the second floor, but with difficulty and then barely knocked on the door with one hand, nearly dropping everything.

She opened the door unsuspectingly and was startled by his presence and took a step back. He grinned at her, partly to put her on ease, partly because he thought he thought he was hilarious and deftly stated "Your supper, madam".

She did not look at him with amusement, but somewhere she had to confess... It was kind of funny, yet she wasn't keen on letting him know that.

"Can I come in?" but she frowned a tad at that suggestion, so he changed tactics.

"Or perhaps you would wish to consume your meal downstairs in the presence of, well me, perhaps?".

"No worries, I'll eat here. Thank you" and with that she took the tray away from him and closed the door in front of him. Damn, thought Anthony, he had hoped his plan would work but he didn't want to give up yet, so he started knocking on the door.

"Mara" he sighed. "You can't avoid me forever.... I just want to talk" but she didn't open, and he sighed.

" I'll be in the drawing room later. I would like it if you'd come and join me at one point he said to a closed door, hoping she would hear him.

Anthony was busy reading the newspaper, which he had forgotten to do in the morning but paid no attention to. Every few sentences he looked at the exit, wondering if she would come by or not. Unfortunately, she did not, and he was about to get up and go to bed, admit his loss, when he saw her enter.

"Oh hello" he said a tad awkwardly and surprised she had come.

"I was about to leave; I didn't expect you to -"

"Oh sorry. I'll go back to-", she mumbled shyly but he quickly realised his error and therefore interrupted her.

"No, no. Please, sit down" he said while he took a seat himself. She slowly walked over to the opposite chair and sat down, inwardly kicking herself because this had been a stupid idea because now... now they had to talk and yes... a minute later he started.

"About yesterday..." he began uneasily. He looked at her and saw that she was just as uncomfortable as she was but decided to continue anyway.

"I was enjoying the evening with.. with you"," he said, and Mara looked at him to see if his statement was true and it seemed to be.

"You should know that I didn't know anything... about.. I didn't know she was coming, or I would never have... I would never have gone there with you, don't get me wrong, we've been a little negligent in attending events, but I would have chosen another ball to make our introduction if I had been.. informed".

Mara didn't speak for a little while on purpose perhaps, having to gauge her words, thinking or it was adamant that what she was going to say had to be clearly and precisely understood.

"I get that you were not aware of her being present at the ball. I may not have given you an opportunity to explain things yesterday and I want to apologise for that."

"It's okay... I understand, really. I-", Anthony tried to say, feeling relieved that the matter would be closed soon.. or so he thought.

"If I, if I could just finish my words without you interrupting me, please" she pleaded a tad unsurely and awkwardly.

"Seeing you reacting to her.. that way.. It was.. It told me a lot about you and her. I doubt that you will change your disposition towards Miss Rosso, and it would be foolish to hope you would. If I may be so bold, I can tell that you are still infatuated with your.. previous girlfriend. Don't, don't get me wrong. I am not judging you. I have no right to.. I know what I was get getting myself into and I understand your predicament, completely, as you must know..", she argued.

Anthony frowned in confusion. Where was all this going? She paused a moment for she continued to speak.

"WE both KNOW we entered this union on an ill-advised whim so maybe we should be honest with each other. I know you must feel the same way, I am certain you do.. I therefore think it would be wise to end things right now before we both end up unhappy. " she concluded.

What? No. He did his best to ignore the awful notion of divorcing her that suddenly arose in him, but it thundered on in his heart and mind.

"I think it's inevitable that our paths will separate so I think it's best not to carry on too long", she concluded.

After this statement, she stood up and walked towards him but looked down at her hands to be specific and started fidgeting with her finger to take off her wedding ring. Mara didn't know why she wanted to at that moment, maybe to proof that she was serious to him, but her plan backfired on her because the stupid thing would NOT budge!

"It doesn't want to come off I think," he stated with a smirk, finding her so endearing at this moment as she clumsily tried to remove the ring.

She tried again and again but at some point gave up because for some inexplicable reason she had started to cry, and it was too much for her. Mara didn't want him to see her crying, so she turned and headed towards the door, but he did not hesitate for a moment.

He walked up to her, gently grabbed her but and put his hands on her arms and then stood in front of her, effectively but inadvertently blocking her way out. The sudden contact with him startled her briefly but she didn't move or somehow didn't dare to.

"Will you _please_ stop doing this?" he asked softly.

She knew what he was referring to, so she was clever enough not to ask what he meant. Slowly, very slowly, he moved his hand to her face, where he placed it very gently and wiped away the tears with his thumb.

"Why are you looking for reasons to ignore me? To avoid me. To not trust me. To doubt me. To doubt _us_ ," he said with a tone of exhaustion to his voice for he felt a tad exhausted.

"I don't like it, Mara. I don't want you to run from me, to treat me as if I am a ghost as if we don't live in the same house. I hate that we avoid each other for there is no need to. I understand where you are coming from, we are practically strangers but you're not giving us a chance to get acquainted. and I wish you would.", he sighed, quickly pausing for getting on with his train of thought.

"I.. I don't want a divorce, not at this moment for I think it is too soon. We have barely tried working on our marriage and I, I want us to try a little longer. Just to see where this goes so I'll make you a proposition... if you still feel the same in a few months I'll give you what you want, and we'll separate. But right now, it's too early to throw in the towel... Isn't it?" he asked, and he had tilted her face upwards with his finger, so she could look at him.

Mara met his gaze and oh no there it was again, that elusive but essential moment, that point of connection which they both couldn't avoid. Neither of them could ignore the fact that they were attracted to each other, although Mara had tried to fool herself she didn't. Her mind said this man had no effect on her being, yet her gut feeling and heart argued something entirely else.

He had an inescapable expression in his eyes, a look she wanted to classify as something else, affection maybe but she knew it was desire, coupled with the fact he had suddenly started to breathe faster was enough proof. Proof she ignored of course but while she was thinking, and thinking he once again acted. He slowly moved closer to her face and this time... this time he seemed to be aiming not at her neck but at her mouth. She looked at him as if she were watching an impending accident but there was nothing she could do, even if she had wanted to, she was too taken with the moment to let it happen.

Mara let it happen. She allowed his soft lips to land on hers for reasons beyond her, but she did. He pulled back briefly, and then with an exclamation of "hmm", as that hhm gave him the confirmation he wanted, and he captured her mouth once more with a smile.

She did not yet kiss him back straight away, but when she did so very shyly, he took the opportunity to act more insistently for a second later he grabbed her face with both hands and started kissing her move heavily. His hand had moved to her back and he pulled her tighter to him, much tighter and then started to stroke her with his fingers up and down and the sensation was maddening Mara but this time, purposely as to not spook her, his hands didn't stray which she was thankful for as she was barely holding on anyway.

Her kisses were still unsure, a bit withdrawn somehow, but he savoured those, every one of them and longed to draw them out, longed for more but then.. Be it common sense be it propriety (a dumb notion for she was married to the guy) she froze dislodged her mouth from his and stood back..

What was she doing? She didn't know him well she did but barely.. This was.. wrong. Too soon for this thing to happen or was it? She didn't know anymore, she genuinely didn't, all she knew was that she at this moment, needed more time, still.

He sighed and gave her a glimpse of disappointment, as much as he wanted to, he could not hide feeling disillusioned, once more.

She looked at him briefly and then took a few steps back, towards the door.

"Mara. What did I ask you just now? Stop running away from me. Please" but she looked at him exactly like the other day in the kitchen, turned and left, leaving Antony once more alone,

Bloody hell, he thought, that had been intense.. A moment after that thought a realisation hit him and it took him a few minutes to ponder on it. He had kissed someone else.. On the mouth nonetheless.. He had and here came the strange part, the thought of Sienna had not occurred _once_ in his mind even if he had seen only yesterday. It was an odd realisation to have that brought upon many other ones, but the number one conclusion was..

_Kissing Mara had been lovely and by God, did he want to do it again.._

He was in a piss-poor mood the following day despite having had a great conclusion to his previous night.. He was happy they had had another breakthrough but frustrated that there seemed to be another roadblock, another one she put there, and he didn't understand why. If the attraction were one-sided he would completely understand but it wasn't, right? She kissed him as well so what was exactly the problem? And unfortunately try as he might, she wasn't intending to give him an answer for she had started hiding from him again and he felt rejected. He felt rejected and hurt she willingly chose to exclude herself from his company as much as possible.

Too bad for her that they were expected to go to brunch at the Bridgerton's today and he knew she would not refuse going nor would she fain an excuse as to not go. Therefore, he ventured once more to her room and knocked when the time was there to leave..

"We're should go soon.. Are you ready?" he asked curtly and immediately yet unwilling her heart sank. She had not seen him act like this to her before and she didn't know why but... it made her feel sad.

"I will be down shortly", she replied.

"Good. I'll be in the carriage" and he swiftly left and heard the door of the house open and then close with a slam.. When she sat down in the carriage, he looked out, deliberately, to get her attention. He did not speak to her either and before they knew it they had arrived at Anthony's parents' house. Violet greeted Mara first before

"Hi mum" said Anthony with a sigh and Violet Bridgerton looked at her son inquiringly, "I think something is going on". She then looked at Mara, but that one seemed to be eager to not face her.

The whole family was present to celebrate Francesca's return and soon everyone was chatting and enjoying their brunches as the cook had outdone himself today by putting together a lavish feast.

"It is lovely to have you back, Francesca. You've been missed," Mara said with a smile.

"Thank you... I'm glad to be back, missed everyone as well" Francesca replied, also smiling.

" So how is married life, brother?" Francesca asked Anthony unsuspectingly, and he looked up from his plate, which he had been staring at for some minutes, although he was unaware of it.

Violet Bridgerton looked worried, as did Mara, as they were both curious as to what he was going to say.

"It is everything I had hoped for and more," Anthony said, but it came out unintentionally sarcastic and slightly snide which everyone noticed. Francesca's face contorted in confusion, for she thought she had asked an innocent question, but she was wise enough not to ask any more.

Anthony realised the awkwardness of the situation, so he changed the subject.

"Couldn't Daphne and Simon come today?", he inquired.

"No, they have guests, but they invited us for lunch tomorrow" Violet replied.

"Aah. I see", was all he said and then he almost didn't speak at all. No matter how many times Colin and Benedict tried to engage him in conversation later Anthony was in no mood for it. He gave short answers but didn't ask follow-up questions and... he did not engage with his wife. The two brothers exchanged worried looks with each other but decided the timing was wrong to corner Anthony about things.

With the Bridgerton's you could count on many things, but silence was not one of them. There were discussions going on as usual and the subject had somehow come up again of marriage, one of Eloise's heated topics that she was keen to discuss.

"If it's up to me I'm never going to get married or at least much later than planned," she indicated nonchalantly.

"Oh really, Eloise... So, you mean to live here until you're thirty," Violet admonished.

"Wouldn't that be nice mother? Think about it, the more you can enjoy my wonderful company" grinned Eloise, to which Violet shook her head.

"I mean... There are actually more advantages to marrying at a later age, aren't there Mara?" asked Eloise innocently. Mara was startled by the direct question and suddenly felt all eyes on her.

"I suppose so, Eloise but to tell you the truth.. I was intending to... um-" she began cautiously but didn't finish her sentence when she saw Anthony staring angrily.

"She meant that she was going to marry sooner and with a certain Mr. Carrington, had he not gone off with her cousin instead.," Mara's husband said suddenly, and at that moment the room fell into an extremely uncomfortable silence.

Colin and Benedict looked judgementally at their big brother and their mother did the same. Mara stared incredulously at her husband.

"What? I am not wrong here am I? I'm only stating the facts" and she had looked at him in disbelief and then on the others who were feeling just as uncomfortable as she was.

"Lady Bridgerton... I am sorry. I just remembered that I was going to help my brother Lucas study. He has a maths test tomorrow and he had asked me if could help with studying. So, I kindly ask your permission to leave", Mara argued. It was a blatant lie, Lucas had no test and if he had, he wouldn't ask his sister for help for he was a gifted student and generally performed well at school.

However, she vehemently hoped Violet Bridgerton would buy the lie. Violet smiled understandingly at Mara said of course she could go so therefore Mara abruptly got up immediately after. Anthony mimicked her movement and wanted to follow her, but she stopped him from doing so.

"No... Stay please, I'll go alone" Mara demanded sternly so Anthony sat back down and slowly realised what he had done how big of an error it had been. He had called her out on her previous relationship and simultaneously hurt her by reminding her she had been traded in for her cousin and therefore implied that her cousin was better. In front of his family, he had ridiculed her, and he regretted it because well he had giving her more ammunition to fire off the "divorce" gun.

Right now, he hated his impulsiveness, a trait that got him into trouble rather than solving things.

"Goodbye all," she said timidly before walking away without looking back at them and without looking back at her husband.

When she was gone, the blaming started, and it seemed that every member of his family had something to say. Colin started first.

"What was that about, Anthony?" Colin asked accusingly with a frown.

"I want to know as well. Seriously... What were you thinking to bring up her ex-fiancé like that in front of everyone and especially as brash and bluntly as you did? It is no wonder she couldn't leave the house fast enough" Benedict chided.

"I agree with your brothers, Anthony and I am disappointed in you. I thought I taught you better than to embarrass a lady, in company, nonetheless." Violet asserted.

They were right. All of them, he had acted like a complete ass.

"I shouldn't have.. brought it up. It was a foolish thing to do", Anthony admitted.

"Very, very foolish and.. to be frank quite mean but the important thing is.. How are you going to make amends with her? For, you are right?" Colin asked and Anthony nodded.

"What do you think I should do, should I go to the Kensington's?" and he glanced at his mother and his brothers. He avoided asking Eloise and Francesca for the two of them were glaring at him speechlessly and he didn't want them to go at him as well.

"If I were you I wouldn't. I would wait for at home but.. would make sure I buy a big bunch of flowers to say sorry with. Maybe a ridiculously large box of chocolates as well", Colin suggested.

It was strange, Colin was much younger than him but somehow knew how to assess these situations and how best to react to them, he often admired his little brother for acting a lot older, responsible, for his age than his counterparts.

"Good plan, Colin. Will do exactly that" he replied. He left a short while later, he could see that his mother would have liked to talk to him, but fortunately he did not hear her asking for it.

When he arrived at home, the hours dragged by, but she never came back.. At 9 p.m. he received a message from the butler that Mrs. Bridgerton had decided to spend the night at the Kensington's. Suppose that was fair enough but then she didn't return on Monday.. and Tuesday and by now the flowers he had bought had started to wilt and he had started to eat the chocolates himself.

It was Wednesday evening around seven o'clock when he heard her come in and hurriedly try to take off her coat, as if she wanted to go upstairs as quickly as possible. However, he opened the dining room door just as she was planning to go up the stairs. She tried her best to appear indifferent, but her eyes were filled with pain, pain that he had caused.

"Hello... I am glad to see you.. Could we have a word ple-" but she didn't listen to him and started walking up the steps. He didn't follow her for he had no right to follow her, after what he had said so he left her alone but then..

Aah fuck it. He had to make it up to her. It had to be done or he would lose her for good and he absolutely did not want that to happen. Absolutely not, so he went to her room and knocked.

"Mara, let me aplogise.. Please open the door" and to his initial surprise she did so, and you could tell that she was still cross with him.

"Can we go downstairs to talk for a moment?", he asked her, a tad nervously.

"NO. Whatever you have to say to me you can do here," she replied angrily.

"Can I come in then? It would be better to talk inside than in the corridor." He didn't want to servants to listen in for one, and two, well... he wouldn't say no to _being_ in her room so to speak.

"No. You cannot" she said bluntly.

"Okay then, then I'll go ahead and speak my mind here.. Mara, I made a mistake, a terrible mistake. I have embarrassed you in front of my family. I am deeply regretful that I did and am deeply sorry to have hurt your feelings" as he was trying to convey how much he meant those words.

It had no effect on her, however, and she stared at him angrily for a moment longer.

"Was that all?" she asked."Well, no I also wanted to how you are doing. I-".

"Brilliant, thank you ever so much" she sneered sarcastically before slamming the door shut.

He did not knock on her door again..

****************

He could not sleep. Since he started to live with her this had become more of a habit than an exception for she ventured through his mind at every moment. She was so angry with him and he felt terrible, but he couldn't blame her. He had really misbehaved, and she was probably not going to speak to him for days, perhaps even weeks. Wonderful, Anthony, jusssst wonderful. Well done today, he thought to himself.

He got up from his bed where he had been looking at the ceiling for half an hour and thought perhaps a glass of milk would help in getting some sleep. Not that he believed that myth if he was honest but there was no harm in trying and besides the last time he went to the kitchen late at night she had been there. Maybe she would be.. again, and lo and behold.. she was.

She looked up, startled, to see him standing there, but wanted to leave immediately, and his hope faded, and hopelessness took its place.

"You don't have to leave. I just wanted to get some milk. I am not going to bother you". he said with a pained expression.

She looked at him for a long time in silence, then opened a cupboard, picked up some milk and reached out to him. He smiled briefly and accepted it.

"Thank you," he said, and she nodded. He took a sip and then let his eyes rest on her again but found anger lingering in them, suddenly, which made him weary.

"Do you think I wanted this?" she asked him and there was aggravation echoing in her voice.

"Wanted what?" and again, as in their earlier conversations, he didn't really know what she meant.

"Don't you think I would have preferred to be called Mrs. Carrington rather than Bridgerton?" she argued and then she had at him defiantly, as if to say that she stood behind her words.

"Pardon me?" he said, suddenly feeling really annoyed.

"What?" she said fearlessly, though she felt inside that she had opened a can of worms that would have been better left closed, but it was too late now.

"I'm just stating the facts," she said, using his words against him and he scoffed and at this point the hurt he was experiencing changed into anger.

"Thank you for confirming to me what I already knew but since we are being _sincere.._ Don't you think I would rather have married Sienna?" he snapped at her.

It felt as if someone had thrown a bucket of ice-cold water at her and it took her a while to respond

"Well, too bad Sienna didn't _want_ you. When you think about it though.. She's a smart woman, who wants to marry someone who makes them look like a fool", she sneered.

"You are right, Sienna, she is a smart lady. You know who else is bright? Henry! No wonder he chose your cousin, who wants to marry someone with the personality of an icebox?", he bit at her.

It was out before he said it and as earlier today Anthony experienced instant regret. She looked so hurt, so hurt and he could tell she was trying not to cry.

Mara bit her lip to stop the tears from coming and then decided it was time to leave.

"Sorry. I am so sorry. I'm an awful bastard. I didn't mean it. I didn't. I am _so sorry_ ". He had quickly moved closer towards to her, knowing she wanted to exit as soon as possible but he couldn't let her leave like this. Leave things between them like this so he stepped in front of her, effectively blocking her

"Move out of my way. Now, Anthony" and he reluctantly stepped to the left.

She figured that this time she really ought to give back the ring, for it was clear that there was no more use in trying to uphold this relationship, so she started fidgeting with her ring again.

"Don't!" he said in a stern voice suddenly, pulling her out of her attempt to give back what was rightfully 'his'.

"Don't you dare take that off" he demanded with a glare. Oh really Mr. Bridgerton. She shouldn't? Well now she was going to and how was he going to stop her?

She glared at him and just continued but a second later he grabbed her right arm and pulled her towards him again, yet this time she broke free ahead of time and thankfully he didn't reach for her again and let his expression speak for itself.

"That ring is not leaving your finger, Anthony said through gritted teeth.. "I'll tell you when to remove it and it is not at this point in time" he added.

"Is that so? How dare _you_? Who are you to tell me what I should or should not do?", she demanded to know.

He took a few steps closer to her and entered her territory so to speak but she wanted to let him know that his presence didn't faze her, so she refused to step back.

" _Your_ husband. _I_ am _your_ husband. That is who I am. And oh, to get back at to that certain _gentleman_ you referred to just now. You are not to utter that man's name in my household again, is that clear?".

"Oh, my God! The amount of hypocrisy being shown right now is immeasurable. I suppose you can talk about Miss Rosso as much as you want?" and to that he couldn't come up with a reply for she had a point.

"It doesn't matter anyway. You cannot tell me what I should or should not say or what I should or should not DO" she shouted.

She was right of course; he couldn't tell her what to do and he realised that it would be fruitless to expect her to so and he suddenly felt tired. This entire conversation/argument had been fruitless, and they were once more absolutely getting nowhere.

"I think we argued enough for tonight" he said dejectedly, and his initial anger had now nearly almost faded.

"I think so too" she replied softly, feeling just as bad as him at that moment.

"I. Don't know what got into me.. If I scared you then I am -" he stated but she shook her head and he sighed and said something along the lines of "Good'.

'I'm going upstairs.... It's too late now to pack my suitcase so I'll do it tomorrow", Mara informed him.

"Not this again..." he sighed, and he threw his arms in the air in aggravation.

"What do you mean? I'm still planning to go, I have not changed my mind", she inquired, confused for she thought she had made her point clear.

"Why are you so intend on leaving?", he exclaimed in exasperation.

"Because.. because I must", she retorted, weakly.

"Give me a reason then as to why you should go" and at this moment, Mara had no more... to give and her patience had worn thin.

"Only one reason? There are a million reasons, a million perfectly plausible reasons. You don't _love_ me Anthony. You don't! Don't you see? This relationship is doomed. You were right.. I have not given us a chance to get to know each other but look what happens when we do, we fight. This. This is not working- "she wanted to say but he interjected.

"I am so, very TIRED of you continuously bringing the same things up but since we're discussing this matter, the matter as to why this relationship is 'doomed' as you say. Can I please bring up one argument that will disprove your argument instantly? Allow me please" he asked.

"Please do. I am curious to hear this argument of yours".

"Well then.. Brace yourself Mrs. Bridgerton. The truth of the matter is, whether you want to admit or not, yes while we just fought and yes while we perhaps should not have wed the point is.. I am attracted to you and _you "_ and he pointed at her _"_ are attracted to me", he concluded, laying the truth bare between them.

She had no other choice but lie for she could not admit it to him.

'I am _not_ attracted to you ", she said with indignance even though he was right.

"Oh, you're full of it. Do not lie" he accused.

"I am not! And I would like to note I truly resent the accusation ".

"All right. Then, prove that you're not attracted to me." he said as she stepped closer.

"What do you mean?" by that and her brows quirked up in confusion.

"Let me kiss you again", he bluntly suggested.

"WHAT?".

"YOU HEARD ME. Let me kiss you for longer than five minutes" and he pointed to the clock "OR let me hold you for longer than 5 minutes. You can choose one of those options but mind you I prefer option one if I am being honest".

"I should not have to admit or proof anything. You should _trust_ a lady on her word", she scolded him.

"Not if the lady is withholding the truth" he retorted.

He had gotten an apple from the table and started to eat without a care in the world and shrugged when he saw the murderous glare in her eyes, but he just shrugged.

"Don't shoot the messenger for reminding you what is obvious to everyone to see" he nonchalantly stated.

"Good God, you are so FULL of yourself aren't you?" she accused but he merely shrugged again.

"Perhaps, I have never been one with lack of confidence" he smirked.

"So, what's it going to be, an embrace or kiss?", Anthony wanted to know.

"Neither. I am going to bed. Goodnight".

"Alright.. Pity you are too much of a coward to take on my challenge.".

That, that stubborn ARRRRHGGGH *insert curse word her*. Oh no, this was not going to happen. She wasn't going to give him the satisfaction of beating her in this silly game he had begun playing.

"If .. if we embrace for five minutes and, I _somehow_ , oh will I ever", she stated sardonically, "manage to resist _you_ will that be enough to convince you that I am not attracted to you?", Mara offered.

"It will be", Anthony answered.

"Good. Now first of all.. I will say that I do not like being pressured into this".

"Fair enough.. This will be the first and the last time I ask you to do this but for now.. please go ahead" and he opened his arms to her and smirked again. Mara had half a mind to slap the smirk off his beautif-, of his face but she resisted.

She neared him even though her feet had trouble moving and shyly positioned herself in his arms and nervously put her hands on his back and he placed his on hers but.. they didn't they there for long. He couldn't help it. He couldn't help wanting to _feel_ her once more, so he started caressing her, ever so slowly, ever so hesitant.

Mara reckoned this were probably the longest five minutes of her life, but she held still even though it was difficult not to react to his ministrations on her body, ministrations she allowed for she couldn't deny that him touching her.. it did things to her.. it sparked a reaction and as he prolonged those touches more fuel was added to the fire.

Both starting to breathe heavily at around two minutes, and they both could hear one's heart beating faster. His fingers had grown a bit more eager and now he was practically venturing with them on all over her back..

"Has it been five minutes yet?", she barely managed to get out..

"No" he said, his voice a tad shakily.

"Are, _are_ you sure?", she inquired.

"I am. We still have time", he remarked trying to not let on how affected he was. He was on an edge as if, he could combust at any moment for he was restraining the urge to touch her all over her body and needed to feel her lips on his.

 _"Mara_ ".

"HHm?", her diction had just flown out the window there was use in trying to come with words..

" _Can I kiss you?"._

She waited a little while to answer and he had to listen carefully, but it was a clear 'yes' she had spoken into his chest. He didn't hesitate and practically lunged at her mouth, eager to taste her, eager to claim her and it was wild.. It was a wild all-consuming kiss, desperate and all the while, comforting... Comforting for it established what both knew to be true, the attraction was there, and they couldn't deny it.

It seemed to go on and on, but eventually this time Anthony was the one that withdrew, and she felt gutted, absolutely gutted, but then to her shock, he took her hand and started to walk away with her. Out of the kitchen. Into the corridor.

"Where are we going?", she asked timidly even though she kind of suspected where he was taking her.

"Where do you think?" he answered before walking slowly up the stairs with her.


	7. No way back

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> WRITERS NOTE:
> 
> I am going to be brief.. It is 2 AM over here in and I need to be up by 7.00. I just wanted to say.
> 
> I FUCKING HATE WRITING SMUT. IT KICKED MY GODDAMN ASS and I will prefer reading it from this point on than writing about it… but I have to.. again.. in this one.
> 
> Sorry for stupid errors and what not, might have to overhaul the thing at one point but not now as it is two in the morning. Again this is NOT canon compliant and I needed an excuse for Anthony to be away in the morning hence the birthday breakfast thing. There is 18+ material in this chapter, if you're under,please don't read.
> 
> Like my stories? Want me to write more chapters? Please consider to buy me a coffee. Thanks a bunch.

With every step they took up the stairs Mara's heart began to beat harder. There were now only five, then four, two and then... they were at the top of the hall and walked slowly to the room, HIS room she saw. He paused just before the door to look at her, to fathom her, it seemed. Anthony was still slightly worried that she would run away, but to her surprise she didn't. She was still looking at her, but she didn't want to. He opened the door a little ajar but didn't enter yet, instead he gazed at her with a reassuring smile.

"Ladies first" he said, opening the door all the way for her now. She swallowed the lump in her throat and walked in and looked around, looked at the bedside tables next to his bed, the lamp on his desk and oh yes the brown curtains and what else, a small desk as far as she could see, much smaller than the one in the study and... finally, after long hesitation to his unmade bed.

It was much bigger than hers, which she did not understand because like her he slept alone but then something dawned on her. This would probably have been the piece of furniture located in _their_ room if she hadn't insisted on sleeping alone.

She could not ponder on it too long about it because she heard the door close and steps coming in her direction and Mara turned to him. He looked calm, no determined it seemed, master of his emotions and Mara wished she could say the same. Her breath hitched when he stopped right in front of her and proceeded to stare deeply into her eyes before leaning forward to her lips. He got close but she suddenly pulled away and took a few steps backwards. He looked at her inquiringly, without judgment but inwardly he could not camouflage his disappointment for they had gone past the phase of feeling awkward around each other. Right?

"I have never... I've never before-" she stammered, but felt beet red, so ashamed that she hadn't finished the sentence. He stepped forward and took her hand, and she let him, even though she had the urge to pull away again.

Anthony squeezed her hand gently before looking at her.

"I know." he replied with a soft-spoken voice. "Don't worry Mara.. I would never hurt you" he said as he reached for her mouth again but ... bollocks she had let go of his hold and stepped away once more.

"I.. I don't want us to.. I do not think it will be-" and she swallowed the lump in her throat "wise for us to conceive at, at this moment" she reasoned, feeling warm all over, embarrassed to her core. This took him a minute to ponder over, so it seemed, and it was kind of ridiculous they had not covered that matter in their marriage yet, but it wasn't like theirs was a normal one to begin with.

He understood her apprehension as to not want children, right now, at this stage and thought the request wasn't unreasonable.

"Alright.. I'll be careful.. Is, is there anything else you want to discuss with me?" he asked her a little uncertainly..

"No." she said, shaking her head for emphasis.

"Are.. Are you _certain_?" he asked for confirmation because the last thing he wanted to do is spook Mara and force her into something she didn't want to do. He didn't want her to regret this and to lose her because of that regret.

"Yes" she replied with a trembling voice.

"Good" he said softly.

Anthony finally closed the distance between them by leaning forward and capturing her mouth.

He kissed her once, withdrew briefly to watch her reaction, kissed her a second time, and did the same but a little longer to reassure himself that she would not withdraw. Something in her gaze let him know she wouldn't, so the third time he went for it full force and grabbed her face with his hands. He then placed them on her shoulders and slowly pushed her robe off her before briefly holding on to her waist.. Anthony pushed lightly on her hips, urging her to move, making her walk backwards in the direction he wanted her to go - his bed. He had now put his mouth to her neck and explored it lazily, as if he did not want to miss a spot.

He then positioned his hands on her back, reaching for the buttons of her nightgown and began to undo them one by one.

Satisfied that he had loosened them all, he pulled down her sleeves, first the left sleeve, then the other and slowly let her nightdress fall. He took a step back to look at his wife who was wearing a short white sleeveless bodice, a fancy one, and soon he let his eyes wander over her body to, her curvy hips her breasts that demanded his attention every time she took a breath. He began to undress while glancing at her as if to gauge her reaction. He first reached for his belt and unbuckled and unzipped his trousers, afterwards reaching for his shirt and the one beneath that one and pulled them over his head.

Anthony now stood in front of her with his chest bared and his trousers (still on). She changed her gaze to the closet in his room, but it didn't bother him. He could understand that she was shy, and slightly embarrassed perhaps but that was only normal. He didn't know that her heart was racing in anticipation and it only got worse when she heard his trousers fall to the floor and she had to swallow a lump in her throat. The only items of clothing Anthony still had on were his boxers and socks, but it wouldn't be long before those two items of clothing were also gone.

Anthony took a step back and grabbed her arms, gently pulling her towards him and making her stop right in front of him and she had to face him. Slowly, while once again looking into her eyes, he pulled the bodice up over her arms and head and there she was, in her bra and underwear. Trembling. He reached for her and took her into his arms and began to slowly stroke her back up and down until the worst of the shivering was over. After that, his intention was now drawn to her bra. Very gently, so as not to frighten her, he began to unhook her bra, eventually reaching the last 'barrier'. He gazed at her as he pushed off the straps and dropped her bra to the floor. Anthony took a step back to fully take her in, to look at her, at her beautifully round, full breasts, her tan skin, inviting belly and at her striking raven black hair. She was drop-dead gorgeous, and he felt an incredible urge to push her onto the bed and take her right there and then, but he refrained.

Anthony instead dropped to his knees; her mouth opened in astonishment, but she did not let him stray from her vision as she followed him closely to see what he was doing. Anthony gently put his hands on the small of her back and began... kissing her belly, little kisses that started low at first but then headed upwards, to her stomach, igniting a reaction in both. He now held her tightly and ran his fingers down her back until he shifted his attention to the front where his fingers trailed up, reached their destination, and cupped her breast. Mara gasped for a second as she got used to him touching _her_ there, rubbing the flesh in a circling motion, slowly taking her down into the rabbit hole of pleasure. Shortly after Anthony got up and stood across of her.

Without removing his hands off her chest, he gently shoved Mara down on the bed but did not lie on her just yet. Anthony bent forward slightly to caress the skin on her belly, a few times, before his fingers reached her underwear. He saw her swallow a lump in her throat as she was staring at the ceiling but then was drawn back to him.

He knew the removal of the last item of clothing could possibly, either embarrass her or make her anxiously her, so he gave her a reassuring look before commencing the removal of her undergarment. And then.. she was bare, completely bare, lying in his bed.

It was strange, Mara thought. She should perhaps have been ashamed, perhaps have covered her body or felt uncomfortable, that this man _, this_ man she barely knew saw her body in all its glory, but she wasn't. Oddly... it felt right, doing this with him.. felt right somehow?

Anthony began to remove his drawers, tugging it down slowly but right for the 'big reveal' she looked away in embarrassment. He grabbed her legs and gently opened them a little before crawling on top of her very carefully shortly afterwards. She felt the evidence of his arousal on her hips and this made her heart beat even faster. He crawled on her even more and at this point she couldn't help but turn her face towards him and he smiled briefly at her.

"You are so beautiful," he whispered to her. "So beautiful" he repeated before placing his lips on hers innocently at first but after a while .. starting to kiss her like a madman, for considerable time before his mouth wanted something else to explore.

To her initial shock he had leaned down to kiss her on both of her breasts, sucking both of her nipples and groaned while doing so. She jolted upwards in initial astonishment but let him caress her chest with his tongue and lips and coaxing her into further bliss.

He moved his body up and down, to let her get used to the feel of his cock on her body until he couldn't keep himself from doing what he wanted too so badly anymore. He positioned himself between her legs and...

Mara had exclaimed a loud 'AH' when he entered her and had unconsciously grabbed on to his hair and entwined her fingers in it. He watched her intently before moving his cock inside her the second time and she winced in pain, grabbing on to his arms.

"Are you okay?" he asked a little worried, pulling back to look down at her, but she didn't answer.

"Mara. Do you want me to stop?", he asked. He needed to know the answer before he could continue. At this question her eyes flew open and she looked at him he seemed genuinely concerned and she couldn't help but find it endearing. She gave him a non-verbal answer by kissing him on the cheek and this gave Anthony the confirmation he needed. He lied down and penetrated her once more but this time he took more of her, went deeper, and his reaction was loud. She on her part let out a cry that still sounded like pain and so he waited a moment before he slowly thrusted the next.

This time Anthony had clearly heard her react in a different way, something that resembled pleasure. It caused him to become more eager and to bury himself, lost, in her, to the hilt. She gasped from feeling himself inside that way, experiencing the fullness and pleasure it gave her instead of the earlier pain, somehow apparently her body had gotten used to his.

Anthony began to move inside her, slowly at first, then a little faster, and faster, seeking the limit of his restraint.

After a while of penetrating her slowly he couldn't take it any longer and picked up the pace, only feeling her and nothing but her and as he was losing control so was she. She took the initiative to kiss him for once and revelled in tasting him.

They were in their little bubble completely unaware of the outside world, the only thing that mattered now was them. He positioned his head in her neck and then began to thrust faster and harder, to which both started to let out cries of pleasure. Something in Mara began to awaken and come to the surface, a feeling that would overwhelm her, but she dared not give in to it yet.

Oh, she could forget it, Anthony, no way he was letting her go now. Her body was soft, and she was tight, very tight, the gratification sweeping over him immense and all consuming. After what seemed like a long time he sensed the momentum coming, he felt himself getting close.. He pushed into her one more time, a second, a third and then... he withdrew his cock and spilled himself on her belly, gripping on to the sheets of the bed.

Then he dropped to her chest, wrapping his leg around hers and tried to take in lumps for air. He watched her as she did the same then reached over to this drawer and took what seemed it to be a washing cloth and wiped her belly clean. Then he dragged in her to his arms and caressed her until both drifted to sleep..

**********************

It was deep into the night..

She woke up, lying on her back and with a sheet draped over her, first she was a tad disorientated for this wasn't her room before realising this was his and realising what they had done. She turned her head to the side, looking for him, wondering if he had gone but he was there, staring at her with a longing gleam in his expression and their eyes locked.

Not much later he turned towards Mara and proceeded to crawl on top of her and let their bodies reconnect. Soon after that he began to take her again, starting at a low speed before speeding up considerably and this time she couldn't hold herself back as much as she tried.

At the moment, the unfamiliar feeling, her climax occurred, she felt everything fade away, as if she were leaving her body, with his body as the only hold, her hands gripping his back... During her orgasm he had stilled his body to let her recover, but he couldn't contain himself. Anthony started to move in her again and not long after, once more an overwhelming experience of bliss hit him as his orgasm rushed over him.

****************

In the morning, he felt rays of sunlight coming through the curtain and woke up... She was lying on her side, sleeping contently.

He bent down to place a peck on her cheek, he didn't want to wake her from her sleep, but he couldn't resist. She slept on peacefully and he smiled before wondering what time it was and looking at the clock.

Shit... He had to be at "The Kennedy" in half an hour for Simon's birthday breakfast, he'd forgotten all about it, but he had to go, as this was his brother-in-law not some acquaintance he could pie off. He got up, went to the bathroom, bathed himself and then went back into the room and saw that she was still asleep. He got dressed without fuss and went downstairs to find Charleston busy setting the table.

"Charleston... Will you relay Mrs. Bridgerton the message that I had to leave for Simon's birthday but that I will return as quickly as possible?".

"Of course, sir", nodded the butler politely whereupon Anthony happily gave him a pat on the shoulder and said, "Good man" and then walked away, leaving Charleston in disbelief for Lord Bridgerton had never been so amicable with him.

Anthony picked up his present for Simon from his study and then took the carriage to the venue. He asked the clerk which room he should be in and then walked in and saw Benedict, Colin and Simon standing at one of the tables in conversation. Simon saw Anthony entering and walked over to him.

"Simon, mate. HAPPY BIRTHDAY!" Anthony said cheerfully, reaching out his hand to shake it and give Simon a pat on the arm.

"Thank you, good of you to come."

"Of course, wouldn't miss it.. Here you go" said Anthony and handed over the bottle of wine, which Simon inspected.

"A Chateau Mont-Claire... Wow. Thank you Anthony, this will be a nice addition to my wine cellar" Simon laughed.

"You're welcome. Only the best for my sister's husband" Anthony smiled before going over to say hello to his brothers..

"HI Ben, everything alright?" Anthony said and then commenced to give Benedict a firm hug. Benedict did not answer, slightly confused, and somewhere he wanted to ask Anthony if he was all right but did not.

"Hey there little brother. How are you?" asked Anthony before hugging Colin tightly this time.

"Good.. Good.. I. I..think".

"And how are _you today_ Anthony.?", Colin asked while glancing at Benedict and Simon in confusion.

"Fantastic", Anthony beamed. "Thanks for asking".

Anthony spotted someone both he and Simon knew and waved at him.

"I'm going to say hello to Laurence" he indicated and off he went whereupon Colin and Benedict exchanged looks with each other.

"Well, that was... odd wasn't it?" Ben stated after a little silence.

"I know right..." Colin confirmed with a puzzled expression.

"I wonder what has gotten into him" Benedict said and then looked interrogatively at Simon who was grinning...

"What... What do you know? Why are you smiling?" Benedict wondered..

"Nothing, nothing." lied Simon, still with a smirk on his face.

"Aah come on tell... You have an idea, I think, share it with us" Colin argued with a smile.

"Yes Simon, tell us or we won't give you our wonderful gifts and leave with them." Benedict joked.

" Well... since you insist and since I like getting presents" Simon joked "I will tell you guys" but then he deliberately paused a moment to keep the suspense.

"For God's sake.. Simon. Out with it!", Benedict demanded.

"Alright.. Alright.. I suspect Anthony might have had a.... _enjoyable_ night if you catch my drift..." Simon grinned.

"What is that supposed to mean?" Colin frowned.

Benedict had already figured it out, Simon could tell from his face for a grin crept upon it.

" What do you think he means, Colin?" laughed Ben.

"Oh."

 _"OH"_ said Colin as it dawned on him too and then all three looked at a happily chatting Anthony before it was time to for everyone to take their places and the celebrations could begin.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am dead.


	8. A Promise

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello,
> 
> Not entirely sure how long this story is going to be as I am struggling to find topics for them to fight over but we’ll see.. I am taking historical liberties once more, last time btw I ‘conveniently’ forgot Mara wearing a bra but not in this time. Furthermore, I would like to thank ALL OF YOU for your lovely comments and the love in general.
> 
> p.s. Still hate writing smut and I am amazed by how well other writers can describe things as I can only say ‘he put his hands there’. Once again things happen in this chapter that might not be suitable for a younger audience so please don’t read if you are younger.. I probably need to edit this chapter later but not now as it is nearing one in the fricking morning. Sorry for stupid errors/grammar shitty mistakes I am sadly, very sadly, not British.  
> p.s2. I have bought the second Bridgerton book for inspiration and because I am genuinely interested in getting to grasp Anthony's personality more.

It was after one when he returned and was met with silence. He walked through the house to find her, searched in his room first, hoping to find her there but she wasn't, neither in hers. He went downstairs where he encountered Charleston who wanted to share something with him.

"Lord Bridgerton, the lady has asked me to tell you she is meeting her friend Emma for lunch", Charleston said with a drawling voice..

Oh okay. That was perfectly fine, she is meeting her friend for lunch.. Don't make a fuss about its Anthony, she is not going to ignore you again, not after yesterday.. Right? He sighed, walked to his study, and started working on gathering some financial papers he needed for his meeting with the bookkeeper but with every minute or so he looked at the clock and hope she would prove him wrong.

"How have you been?" Emma asked with a slightly worried expression in her eyes. Emma was a little older than Mara and one of the first friends she had made when they had just moved to London. Emma's father worked as a manager at Kensington Trade and Co and one day Emma had come with her mother for a visit, on the same day that Mara was in the area. Shortly afterwards, Emma and her mother had invited them over for tea and the two women had been good friends ever since.

With her long blonde locks, slender stature and ice-blue eyes, Emma was a sight to behold and admired by many, especially men but alas for them, her heart belonged to James Hawksbury, captain at sea, and had been married to him for four years. They had one son together, a two year little blue-eyed boy named, Andrew which she adored and was occupied with for he was a handful, yet she still enjoyed making time to see her pals.

Despite her striking beauty Emma was down to earth without one ounce of haughtiness in her veins and friendly to anyone she met. To Mara she had been a lovely confidante but also someone who kept her .. informed so to speak for it was Emma who had told her about the disposition of Anthony regarding a certain opera singer.

Mara asked Emma how she got hold of the information, but her friend had winked and said she wouldn't 'reveal her sources'. This statement for a moment made Mara wonder if her confidante could be.. Lady Whistledown herself but Emma had laughed at the suggestion.

The truth as to how Emma knew about Anthony and Sienna was a lot more innocent than Mara could imagine. Because her husband was away at sea for most of the year Emma grew bored sitting at home and therefore went out frequently, to openings of galleries, museums, plays but also.. to.. operas. During these visits among in the 'upper circles' Emma kept her eyes and ears open, to pick up on the newest juicy gossip, merely for fun really, for her personal entertainment as she kept the information to herself. It wasn't like she spread the rumours or. . wrote a leaflet about the trials and tribulations of London's society.

Emma had seen him a couple of times during these concerts, always sitting in the back as if he wanted no one to notice him but they did for people around her started murmuring that that was the Viscount. She had heard about this known family before but had never encountered them in London's society somehow even though Emma was a stranger to a ball or two.

At first glance he was a very handsome man to see and his presence raised heads among the ladies in the concert hall. The second thing she noticed was that he always looked pristine and stately, impeccably dressed but would act.. peculiarly. She did not know why he attended in the first place because he sat slouched in his seat and looked bored for most of the time until.. Sienna Rosso would take the stage. Then he would sit up and watch her sing and as he did he would never keep his eyes off her and it didn't take long for Emma to put one and one together.

So, when Emma had heard that the Viscount and his mother were going to the Kensington's for tea, aka looking for new marriage candidates she pondered about whether she exchange what she knew.. or not.

The last thing Emma wanted to be was spread rumours there it was none of her business but then again. Mara was a good friend of hers and she couldn't possibly live with the guilt if they got married while he _still clearly loved_ someone else.

And thus, Emma warned her friend and after hearing how disastrous the meeting went her conscience was clear, thinking she had done the right thing, but her shock was great when she heard that Mara got engaged.. to that same man she had warned about until she read what was circulating about the pair and why the tow felt compelled to marry.

"Hhm?" Mara said, lost in thought upon which Emma smiled.

"Am I not being enjoyable company today?", she joked.

"Of course, you are.. I was just.. thinking. Sorry, what did you say?" Mara asked upon which Emma repeated the question.

"Good.. Things are.. good" Mara said with a flushed face, averting her eyes from her friend and she took a sip of her coffee.

"I am happy to hear that" Emma smiled but Mara said nothing, just nodded in agreeance. This was odd, Mara was never shy around her and she seemed distracted today but not in a.. bad way like she wasn't distraught or anything. An idea popped up into Emma's head, a theory if you will, and she was curious to see if there was merit to it. Mara's reaction would speak volumes if she were right..

"He is good in bed isn't he?" Emma asked suddenly out of the blue very innocently and it made Mara spat out her coffee and go into a coughing fit. Emma felt sorry immediately afterwards, but she couldn't deny that it was a funny sight to see.

"My apologies." Emma said with an awkward grin trying not to chuckle..

"You are a terrible friend. I don't know why I still bother visiting you." Mara said, faux insulted, after she had recovered coughing her lungs out. She wasn't mad at Emma. just.. the question took her by surprise.

"OH no! Please don't stop being my friend, I don't have a lot of those you know", she jested.

"I _wonder_ why.." Mara retorted sarcastically but in a jesting manner

"So, when?", Emma asked.

"When what?" Mara replied as if she didn't know, and Emma briefly rolled her eyes at her.

"Mara, cut it out will you? You know what I am talking about. Now supply me with the details mon ami."

"If you must know, last.. night" she admitted reluctantly.

"Last night?" and Emma's mouth flew open.

"I can't believe you! We have been sitting here for twenty minutes and you've have only told me because I've coaxed it out of you.. So, how was it?', Emma wanted to know.

"It was.. it was.. nice.." Mara answered a little ashamed.

 _"Nice_?" Emma frowned initially before thinking she might be a tad judgmental.

"Well, I suppose that is a good thing.. Lord knows it was can be quite painful the first time", Emma reckoned.

"It wasn't that painful well at first it was but then... He, he was.. gentle with me.. Rather.. sweet", Mara admitted shyly with a gleam in her eye Emma did not miss.

"Oh _really?_ _Do_ continue", Emma winked upon which Mara scoffed.

"I will NOT tell you every detail about my... my- "Mara began indignantly before getting interjected by her friend.

"Naughty night with my delectable husband", Emma finished for her with a cheeky grin.

"So.. you enjoyed yourself I presume?".

"I will not dignify that question with a response" ( _insert Bridget Jones reference here)_ she replied but the evidence was telling as Mara's face flushed with embarrassment.

"Oh, you did... You so did" Emma laughed, and it made Mara turn even more red. She launched forward wishing to smack her friend lightly on the arm, but Emma moved away in time.

"Tssk.. There is no need for violence but alright I'll stop interrogating you" Emma grinned.

"At least for now. Maybe later we can talk about how you feel about him now.." Emma said with a smirk upon which, Mara frowned in confusion but refrained from comment.

'Luckily" for Mara shortly after Andrew came barging in, crying for his mummy and they couldn't revisit the topic for the rest of the afternoon.

He had fallen asleep on the sofa in his study but woke up around 4. It was nothing like him to fall asleep during 'work' but somehow he had yet then again, he had rather a.. intensive night and had not gotten much sleep. 

He heard the door of the main entrance open and just about stormed out the room, hurriedly stepping towards the corridor where their eyes met as she was taking off her bonnet and coat. Anthony walked down towards Mara with a sense of excitement but also apprehension, what happened during the night could be the catalyst to improving their relationship.. or not if she chose to disregard the events.

"Hello" he smiled at her a bit shyer than he had expected it to be.

"Hi" she answered timidly, suddenly reminded of the fact that she was standing face to face with the man that had taken her virginity yesterday.

"Did you have a nice time at Emma's?", he asked politely to make conversation.

"I did indeed.. how was Simon's birthday?" she wanted to know.

"Lovely. I had a pleasant time catching up with friends. Simon was happy as well I think, he got a ridiculous number of gifts, the lucky bastard" he joked.

"Well how fortunate for Simon" she remarked with a smile and that smile triggered him as he failed to compose himself from kissing her. He tilted his head into her direction, aiming to initiate 'contact' with her but...alas.

"I... I uhm... haven't had the opportunity to read yet today" she said just before his lips would land on hers. It was a ridiculous excuse, she knew, but it was the only one she could think of. She watched as he retreated in disappointment as he took a step back.

"I see. Well then I'll see you later at dinner I presume?" he suggested with a sad expression.

Well done Mara, she reprimanded herself internally. Well done for once more hurting this man's feelings.

"Yes. See you then" she managed to get out as she turned and headed towards the drawing room with hurried steps, and he watched her leave..

Well so much for progress, he reasoned.. It was as he had suspected: they were back to square one..

They were eating in silence, in an agonizing quietness Anthony found as she had barely spoken to him ever since dinner was served. This fact baffled him no strike that _she_ baffled him, and he did not understand her one bit. They had made love yesterday, not as two unlucky roommates, no, as husband and wife. He had seen her.. rather delightful body, she had seen his, so why this.. continuance of of.. he didn't know exactly what the problem was. Lack of attraction wasn't an issue, if they were to go by last night they were solid together in that department and he was so happy when it happened.

If Anthony was honest.. he had been dying to make love to her and the grin he had sported today hadn't left his features once. He was elated to have connected with her on that level and to get the elephant out of the room; finally, 'consummating' the marriage to put it politely.

He had figured that having sex would bring them closer not drive them away from each other again and it frustrated him to no end. He wanted to talk to her about it, but he didn't want to push too hard. On the other hand,... his patience was beginning to wear thin. He was debating within himself whether he should say anything or not. It might make things worse, so maybe it was best to keep quiet... But how many times had he done that up to now? Ten times? It didn't serve him or her any good, not anymore. He took his chances le and started to put down his fork as he didn't have much appetite left anyway and started the questioning.

"Do you regret what happened yesterday?" he asked her, straight to the man, at which she looked at him, startled, before resuming her gaze to her plate.

"No," she said, a little embarrassed while playing around with her fork who she was using to aimlessly transport peas from one side of the plate to the other.

"Did I hurt you.. when.. we.. Did, did I hurt you perhaps?" he followed up with and he could see her slight mortification upon hearing the question, but she shook her head.

"Then what is the matter? Why are you so convinced on playing the part of a stranger to me?" he wanted to know. He couldn't have put it more straightforward, she thought, and she internally panicked as to answer but she knew exactly why.. Yet at this moment Mara reasoned deflection as better than providing a clear-cut reply for it might buy her some time.

"We still are in a way. Strangers are we not?" she argued while swallowing the sudden lump in her throat that made it hard for her to speak.

"Not after... what happened last night" he retorted before sighing and shaking his head.

"And if you can't see that I don't know how I can convince you otherwise" he concluded in a dejected tone. Silence fell between them again, but this time he did not even want to try to talk to her anymore.

It felt like as if he were talking to a wall, a wall that stood between them and he didn't know if he would ever succeed in bringing that wall down... And he wanted to do that so badly, but he couldn't do it alone. With yet another sigh, he got up, threw his napkin on his plate, mumbled something like "Excuse me" and exited the dining area.

It was still too early to sleep so he sat down in the drawing room and picked up the newspaper he hadn't read yet. A knock at the door made Anthony look up from it and he answered that whoever could come in. It was probably Charleston who, like every night, asked if Anthony needed anything before going to sleep.

But it was Mara who stood in the doorway. She stood there with her hands folded and her whole posture screamed out that she was uncomfortable, yet to Anthony's surprise didn't leave. Still feeling angry somewhere, Anthony paid her no attention and instead looked at his newspaper even though his attention was now totally focused on her and he REALLY couldn't care about the stock exchange at this moment in time.

"May I come in?" she inquired with a shaky voice.

"Of course," he said, trying to sound a little stern, but his voice had faltered by the end as the sentence ended with a soft intonation. He was still intent on ignoring her though, so he pretended the newspaper was super interesting and kept on reading.

Anthony heard her dress _swish as_ she made steps in his direction, but he didn't put away the paper until the very last second, as she stood in front of him and was struck once more by her beauty. But no.. No Anthony.. no swaying this time. She waited a while for she spoken as if she was careful, wanted to gauge her words prior, he didn't hurry her just.. waited.

"I know that things are awkward between us which is my fault and I feel terrible.. Especially since you've been very patient with me and I-" she began before Anthony interrupted her. He did so because he suddenly felt guilty for treating her like she didn't existed before.

"There is no need to feel guilty Mara. It isn't your fault if one is to be blame it is me _. I should_ have been _more patient_ with you and I'm sorry if you've felt pressured into- ", he started.

" May I finish my sentence?" she requested, and he obliged by remaining silent.

" I understand that the problems we are experiencing have to do with me so I have a question I would want you to answer what I can to do.. improve our current situation.", she asked her husband timidly.

"Like how?" Anthony he asked even though he kind of knew what she was talking about, but he needed more from her, more acknowledgement somehow.

Oh, dear Lord, she really had to spell things out, he was going to make this difficult for her wasn't he?

"It is simple really.. What should I do to better things between _us_?". He could tell she was being earnest from the expression on her face, but he experienced dejection, nonetheless for it was pointless because.. her plea, while honest, felt _forced and unnatural._

Something dawned on him. A thought he had had some many times earlier, but he had chosen to ignore it, but the issue was he was the one pushing and she was the one pulling. Pulling away from him at any chance she had gotten, and she had so from the start. He saw the truth for what it was now, and it pained but also shook him awake.

He had been _forcing_ her to go into same direction as he was venturing in but maybe he should just accept that... this relationship _wasn't going_ anywhere. As much as he was attracted to her and as much as she had replaced the thought of Sienna in his mind (well for 95%), in the end he was the only one invested in this one-sided deal.

And maybe he should get out of it before he would endure more losses and spend time getting an illusion to become reality.

"I appreciate.. the thought but I really don't think it will help much" he said and her face faltered. He immediately regretted his words for he could see that his words hurt her as he saw tears appearing in the corners of eyes, but he had said to it.

"I don't want you to change or do things just because I ask you to. I don't mean to hurt your feelings but if things do not evolve naturally between us than I don't see the point of trying to improve.. our relationship.." he concluded worriedly.

He hated uttering the words, but it was the unescapable truth. It was impossible to force things, he understood that now even though he hated that realisation. Anthony got up; wished her a good night and headed upstairs. He suddenly felt drained and exhausted and wanted nothing more than to rest.

It was late in the evening and no matter how many times he tossed or turned; he could not sleep despite feeling incredibly tired. No matter how many times he tried not to think about it, his thoughts kept dragging him back to the conversation with Mara in the drawing room. Damn.. Had he acted too hastily? She had tried to hand him an olive branch, but he had bluntly refused it without hearing her out properly which he regretted now.

Anthony was a clever man but there were times where his pride overtook his rational thinking, and this occasion was certainly one of them. He could kick himself now for he was an idiot, she was _trying here, and_ he had completely thrown her under the.. carriage.

He turned around once more and again and wished nothing more than sleep to take him out, but it didn't.

What was that? His ears suddenly focused on a sound not too far from him. At first he was unable to identify it for it was very faint, but it registered. Crying. From her room. Before he knew it he got up and stepped towards her door and started knocking. She didn't answer so he then tried to open the door but found it was locked.

"Go away. Please." she requested whispering, trying to muffle her sobs in the process and hoping he hadn't heard them.

Anthony continued to knock, now even more hastily, as he began to feel even more guilty inwardly and had to do something to make things right between them.

" May I please see you for a moment? I assure you that I will leave you alone after.. Just.. let me see you". It sounded a touch desperate but then again he was.

As she opened the door for him ajar he exhaled in relief. The poor thing looked pitiful with swollen eyes from crying and sniffed a couple of times and he had an urge to console her but didn't. He pondered about what to say before concluding it was best to start with an apology.

"Please. Forgive me.. It was not kind off me to disregard you like that. I should not have spoken to you in that manner, I apologize. I really do want to listen to you and work on our relationship, so I suggest we discuss this matter again... Perhaps in the morning?" Anthony suggested.

She took her time to answer but eventually did by nodding meekly to him and he experienced a sense of relief.

"Great.. then uhm sleep well" he said with a little smile.. Antony didn't mean to do it, but he bent over to give her a peck on her forehead before he realised his mistake.

"I... I didn't mean to.." he stammered.. "I should respect your- "but she completely surprised him the next minute by gently folding herself into his arms.

"It is alright.. Don't worry" Mara said while in his arms and he fricking melted just as so many times before and all he could think right now is how good it felt to hold her, how he could keep holding her for the rest of his life.. If she'd let him.

"I'm sorry too... about this morning" she admitted after a little while

"Don't worry, it's alright" he repeated her words whereupon both pulled back and they looked at each other for a moment and he smiled at her that way only he could smile at her... And oh... there was the sensation again between them, the pure no raw attraction between them, which they could not deny. They didn't know which one of them began to breathe faster but the other one mimicked quickly and then... a glance was exchanged and then.. fireworks...

_Nothing more, nothing less._

Fireworks as his lips descended on hers, fireworks as he kissed her wildly not willing her to deny him, fireworks as he started to caress her arms and when she carefully touched him by stroking his back and arms, fireworks as she submitted to him, to this feeling, to whatever this was between them.. She didn't know it was the tell-tale signs of a blossoming love just yet or so she tried to fool herself. To her she was willing to shrug it off as an attraction, a magnetic pull towards each other but there was more lying underneath and they both were aware.

Yet the truth was.. She was scared, scared to get hurt, scared for Anthony to get close to her, scared to get her heart ripped out of her chest again like Henry had done so with her. However.. He wasn't Henry. He was an entirely different person.

She hadn't giving him a proper chance she realised at that moment, so she let go. Completely and utterly as he adored her lips before heading towards her neck and as he let his hands roam over her body; finally stopping at her bottom where he touched her with a firm grip.. She exultated a deep breath when Anthony started to kiss her collarbone and the skin under it before he got this desired destination, her breasts. Anthony gingerly cupped first one of them then the other and started to rub over her chest until he couldn't refrain himself any longer and kneaded both at the same time.

This sudden move startled Mara but she quickly surrendered to the feeling of his hands there before one of them decided to 'visit' her behind again but this time his fingers grazed all over it. She let out a distinctive moan as he continued to touch her everywhere he possibly could as if possessed as if he could go under any second of Mara any second.

Anthony let go of her then suddenly and stood back, just out of breath as she was, and the couple looked at each other in anticipation before Anthony grabbed her hand and walked to a familiar place in the house.

As they entered his room, he nearly slammed the door shut before leaning down to her mouth once more. As they kissed they slowly started walking backwards, never losing 'contact' save for the moment Anthony removed his shirt.

Her palms slowly went to his upper body and waited there at first, apprehensive, before sliding them over his chest and he tilted his head in back in agreeance and faintly moaned. Mara decided to finally experience what it felt like to run her fingers through his hair, something she had secretly wondered about for months, and was pleasantly surprised that his locks felt pliable, soft like silk. Mara then placed her fingers on his face, whereupon he grabbed her hand and kissed the back of it and her palm.

Eventually he took hold of her arms and put them on his shoulders indicating that he wished to hold by her exactly like this and she obliged and explored his shoulders and back with light and shy touches. They had by arrived at the bed and slowly fell and kissed for a while until Anthony sat up suddenly, pulling Mara with him..

He let her sit on his lap and started to take her nightgown off while caressing her body, then her bodice, then took to removing her bra, ultimately pushing her downwards. He looked at her for a moment; at her delicious curves and plump breasts and felt even more aroused than he was and wanted nothing more than to make love to her.

Mara stared at Anthony with big eyes, breathing deeply from anticipation and he watched as she took in deep breaths unwillingly, like last time, drawing more attention to her chest and he bent down to grip her breasts firmly. Mara was a bit taken back by the act at first until she started whimpering before he started to rub at a steady pace. When he bent down to suck on her sensitive nipples she yelled in astoundment until she surrendered to Anthony having his way with her chest.

It was as if he _knew_ what she would like and vice versa as if they had done this a million times.. Anthony revelled in her tender handling of his face, lower back, arms as much as she enjoyed him dragging his mouth along her neck.

Eventually Anthony took off his pyjama bottoms and drawers to slip between her legs again.. He made sure to watch her face as he entered her next and saw her mouth open in wonderment. This time.. she was completely at ease and more over.. was wet, wet for him and this fact made him incredibly happy. Applying slow rolls of his hips he let her get used to his body again as he didn't want to go too fast and decided a steady build-up would be best.

Anthony couldn't get over how nice it was to feel her this way, tight but also willing and it wasn't for too long when he started to up the pressure a bit.

With every move inside of her he felt pleasure hit him like it had never, all-consuming pleasure enticing him to go quicker and soon after he had started to pound into her making both extremely vocal, holding on to each other for dear life. The sensation provoked enjoyment at the highest level and indicated that a release was near.

He felt her tense as her orgasm appeared, cutting off her breath and making her hold on to Anthony as she gripped his arms. Mara on her turn watched Anthony get his release, how he succumbed to it with a loud cry before collapsing on top of her.

He was soothing her by going through her hair and it was such a calming sensation she nearly fell asleep, but she could not yet. Here in this intimate setting, it was only appropriate that she would reveal herself bare to Anthony, at least figuratively since she was already lying naked in his arms.

She took a deep breath before starting to tell the truth that she had known about for months, yet denied it, preferring to keep it hidden from him for the last couple of months.

"I.. I don't want to get hurt again.. I don't think I can take my heart being-.."

Mara didn't complete the sentence, but he got what she was referring to.

"I know it isn't fair to you, but I think it is why I have tried to keep my distance even though it.. is hard for me to do so.." she admitted softly almost not wanting to be heard but he did.

And he understood because suddenly her behaviour made a lot more sense to Anthony. How could he blame her? With what she went through, that breakage of trust, it would only be logical not to invest her heart into a relationship again. Her confession also meant, well at least to Anthony a certain sense of acknowledgement, that he wasn't he only one who had 'feelings' (to put it that way) and this was NOT a one-sided affair as he had feared. It was everything he had hoped for...Knowing the feeling was mutual as they could build things up from that, there was finally a foundation for them to start growing on.

He could do nothing about her heart being broken previously but he could _promise_ her something.

_(_ **_Annoying writers note_ ** _: We all know that promises are meant to broken but... that is something to be told in a different chapter he he.)_

He raised her chin towards his face so they could face each other.

"I'm not going to hurt you. I promise I won't, but you must trust me. Will you?", he whispered to her.

"I will.." she stated, and a smile came across his features.

"Mara".. he said shortly after and she glanced at him in anticipation of what he was going to say.

"I think I am falling in love with you" he admitted, and he was.. Falling for her. It was the oddest thing, this woman he had not known before had come into his life like a whirlwind, uprooting everything but he was thankful for it. As stated previously, he had NOT forgotten about Sienna completely but the more time he was spending in the company of Mara the fainter the memory of his once former love became.

His admission made her flush and so she shyly directed her gaze down, to his muscular arms that were currently holding her tight and making her feel safe and comforted..

"I think.. I am falling in love with _you too_ " she softly confessed.

The revelation filled Anthony's heart with a sheer sense of joy and happiness and he, for probably the umpteenth time that night; leaned down to kiss her.


	9. The Past is not so easily forgotten

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I am too tired to do extensive notes, this took agessss.. Just two things:
> 
> _ I read the books, well three, Will fix errors since the Bridgertons are apparently quite rich and I need to change the 'renting from Simon' thing because that is ridiculous  
> _ This took ageees.. If you appreciate my stuff please http://www.buymeacoffee.com/jazzyxwrites. Thank you.. I will write more chapters as a way of saying muchos gracias.

_Dearest Reader..._

_Remember the sudden marriage of Mr. Henry Carrington to a miss Lauren Meyer?_

_I wrote about this union a couple of months ago because it raised, not only my head but others as well._

_For the alliance was curious because the gentleman in question was betrothed to the now Mrs. Bridgerton, formerly known as Mara Kensington; for many years but then favoured no one other than her cousin as his wife, effectively leaving the poor woman sans fiancée and sans family member._

_Oh... how fickle men can be, and how utterly daft as well because turns out. Mr. Carrington is in the process of divorce citing "irreconcilable differences"._

_I am told the female 'counterpart' of this union did everything she could to salvage the relationship. but alas it was to no avail._

_The thing is, dear readers, is that Mr. Carrington bares no ill will towards his spouse; as they intend to divorce amicably for the sake of their baby boy; but never gained discernible feelings for her either._

_In fact, their marriage was doomed from the get-go for Mr. Carrington's heart belongs to someone else, still, after all this time._

_I think we can guess who that certain someone might be? Can't we?_

_Till next time mon ami,_

_Lady Whistledown_

Violet Bridgerton sighed deeply after reading Lady Whistledown's column and hoped fervently that neither Anthony, nor Mara, would read the leaflet.

But she would be wrong.

**************

Mara sat in the drawing room, feeling greatly disturbed, as her eyes passed over the text again and again. Henry was getting a divorce... She didn't know what to think about it. If she were honest, she was caught in between a variety of emotions she couldn't quite identify which was strange because she should not be feeling this way.

Not at all. In fact, she should have blatantly not care about Henry's life in the first place since she had moved on. However, she supposed that one could not after being engaged to someone for 6 years just claim that they meant nothing to her anymore, no matter how much she wanted to. He had been an important part of her life, he was going to be her husband, the father of her children but... it didn't turn out that way.... and that still hurt her somewhere even though she wanted to ignore it.

She felt bad for him, really and she meant that divorce is something no one desires, and her thoughts went to her cousin Lauren who was going to face difficulties as a woman alone, especially with a new-born son. Even though Lauren had done the most horrible someone had ever done to her that did not change the fact that Lauren was still family. Yes, the betrayal had been great for Mara thought Lauren to be a great friend as well but that did not mean Mara was happy that her cousin was practically, for now at least, condemned to a life alone.

No man wanted a divorcee, no man did; especially one with a child that wasn't theirs. All of them wanted the untouched virgin as wife after themselves sleeping with many women who were not. The hypocrisy was obvious for anyone to see but unfortunately it was the hypocritical status quo.

When it came to Henry, she concluded ultimately that the sensation that she currently was faced was melancholy and regret. Regret that she felt for both, as their lives had taken alternate paths neither were prepared to go on and for what? Temptation? She presumed Lauren did the things with him Mara wanted to safe for their wedding night because she wanted it to be special. What difference would a month or two more have made, they had waited so long already but apparently his patience had worn thin.

Yet it would be foolish to think that intimacy, or the lack there of was solely responsible for him to suddenly choose someone else. Mara undoubtedly had her faults as she wasn't the easiest person to be in a relationship with, because of, for one her insecure _and_ demure nature.

He was tall, muscular, with blue eyes, with sharp features, as if Michelangelo had made a life version of one of his statues. He also was quick-witted, intelligent, and able to quickly make friends and win people over with his charming personality.

She... however... always thought she was plain in comparison, was an introvert and felt plain and uninteresting in comparison to him. She often wondered what possibly he could have seen in her and told him he could do much better to which he laughed and called her 'silly'.

He assured her that she was 'enough' for him and that he didn't 'need someone else, that he was happy with her and only her. It was hard to believe that, but Henry could easily win one over, make you believe anything, especially when he flashed her that big smile of his.

Still Mara questioned the relationship for most of the time which annoyed him greatly.

Mara could see that he was getting bored with her constantly wishing validation and even one time rolled her eyes at the umpteenth time she had brought the matter up. It was a condescending of him to do so, and she pointed that out to him, that he could be condescending and he on his turn would say that she could be annoyingly insecure and _fickle_ at times.

She often tried to break up with him when the slightest of arguments or misunderstandings occurred and accused him of not actually loving her in the process. Mara would scream and cry, and yes, she would gladly admit that she was a bit melodramatic, but it never helped when he told her to calm down and 'get over herself'.

Their arguments were mostly about the wedding that he kept postponing and postponing each time. Spring became Summer, Summer Fall and Fall Winter but the status quo remained the same.

Looking back; upon further analysis, it did seem like he was doing this deliberately, but she had no idea of knowing that for he assured her that he intended to make her his wife, that he neither desired nor wished for someone else. or so she thought.

When she had introduced him to Lauren one day, she did not notice the approving gleam in his eyes, nor hers for that matter and that was not the only sign she had missed. In hindsight he could be quite selfish and persistent that he got this way, it was he had strung along their engagement for so long. First, she had to wait for him to finish school. Then she had to wait till he got properly instructed to take over his father's business. Then for him to return from going to America to set up offices of the Carrington firm there, being gone for months in the process.

Before she knew years had gone by and he still was merely his fiancée instead of his wife, after all that time.

It had taken Anthony twenty minutes to decide he was going to make her and a week to do so.

_A week..._

She smiled at the memory of how that unfortunate meeting outside in the garden had led to her becoming Mrs. Bridgerton, something she liked being more every day. Her thoughts went to Anthony again and this time she positively grinned when she thought about him.

It was weird and confusing since things had progressed so fast between them, yet she had to admit, Mara was smitten with her husband. The last couple of weeks had been lovely as they had spent time together, going to plays and going out to diner, or visiting his (also married) friends. It was all so contradictory because as much as she wanted to purposefully banish Henry from her life, he wriggled his way back in just like he did today.

She hadn't realized that the door had opened, and he had stepped inside until the very last moment when she stood up, startled, and in doing so quickly put the folder behind her back. His smile faded quickly as he saw her clumsily trying to hide whatever she was holding in her hand and he knew by her startled expression that 'something' was wrong.

"What was that?" Anthony asked.

"What do you mean?" she replied innocently hoping he would buy her lie but it was obvious he wouldn't it.

"You just hid something behind your back I believe. "Anthony elaborated.

"NO... I did not" she lied blatantly. Like a fool.

"Yes, you did. May I please see it?" he asked in a slightly stern tone upon which she took a deep breath.

"I... I rather you did not", Mara nervously retorted and even took a step back from him. This was however the wrong thing to do for an instant later he had stepped towards her, grabbed her arm, and snatched the leaflet from her hand and started reading it.

After which he crumpled it in his hand before tightening his fist; feeling a sudden rush of rage and jealousy run through him but he tried not to let on but failed for his reaction was telling.

"And why is this in your possession if I may inquire? _Hhm_?" he inquired rather soft spoken, sweetly perhaps even though the last part of that sentence had been uttered a bit... sterner than intended.

"I always read Lady Whistledown's columns. How could I have known she was going to write about- "Mara started calmly, wishing to diffuse the situation but he apparently wasn't willing to do that.

"You could not have but perhaps that is where the problem lies-" he angrily exclaimed; "that you read _drivel_ like this!".

"But not to worry; you'll never again! I won't allow it in my house!".

Anthony demonstrated his promise by tearing up the leaflet and scattering the remains on the floor a move that only angered her.

"Do I get this right? I should ask you permission for reading something?" she said, raising her voice to her husband because. Her calm demeanour was so gone and akin to the pieces of paper on the floor, no longer existent.

He moved his head in agreeance to confirm and this made her even more angry.

"Let me be clear" she said sternly. "You CAN NOT tell me what I should or should not READ for that would be utterly ridiculous" she spat.

"I can if it influences our marriage negatively because look at us... Screaming our heads off at each other!" he retorted.

Something softened in her gaze towards him, something like understanding was visible in them, or was it sadness since they argued... again...

In any case it helped change the current tension between them but could not forget silence falling between them.

"This is not how I planned to spend the afternoon with you" Anthony said after a little while and Mara gave him a defeated nod.

"We argue too much sometimes" Mara remarked with a sigh.

"That _we do_ " Anthony admitted looking a bit ...concerned at first but then his expression changed as he realised something. "One would think... we're like every other married couple" he smirked.

"I believe we are, just like every other husband and wife", she answered, after a little pause and she even smiled.

"You think?' he asked as he shortened the distance between them by pulling her towards him and resting his hands on her waist.

She in turn put her arms around him and shot Anthony a brief smile and as per usual; he melted.

Anthony would hate to admit to Mara, to anyone perhaps but she had him wrapped around his little finger and it became more evident every day. He knew there were likely no malicious motives in her conduct towards him, she wasn't sweet towards him because she wanted something and likely she wasn't aware of the effect she had on Anthony. It was just that, but when she approached him like she did just now, gentle, and vulnerable he would do or get anything for her, anything she wanted. Mara could ask him to go catch the moon and bring it to her and he would find a way to do it.

While it was great that the two 'made up' they had not talked about the elephant in the room yet and Anthony found it necessary to address the matter even though he might not like the outcome of the conversation.

"How do you feel about ... Henry's divorce?" and he immediately got a sour taste in his mouth, but he had to inquire this, for his own sanity and to satisfy his curiosity.

"You can tell me. I won't get cross with you, promise" he asked with a soft tone of voice.

"I don't know... Perhaps I feel a tad confused if I am honest" she stated. It wasn't the answer he wanted to hear but, in all fairness, he couldn't blame her. He had felt the same way when he read that Sienna had married a French businessman of moderate income and became Sienna Rochefort even though she still used 'Rosso' as a stage name.

"That is understandable..." he noted but Mara could see that it wasn't what he wanted to hear...

"Do you still- "he said without finishing his thought, but Mara understood what he wanted to say. She looked at her husband, standing there; vulnerable and trying, always trying to make it work and right there and then, Mara understood that she had to do something.

She placed her hands on either sides of his face and made face her as his gaze had ventured to the floor prior.

"Nothing is going to change, Anthony. I am with you now and I intend to be... with you. Just you." she spoke as she stared into his eyes.

"I mean that" she added and to even prove her statement further she leaned forward to kiss him briefly. He smiled against her face and sighed from relief as he applied more pressure to her lips and deepened the kiss; it wasn't exactly her intention to give him other than a brief non-verbal confirmation of what she felt but... he took it to another level.

He started to devour her mouth as he guided her towards the wall and pressed his body against hers and started with the exploration of her lovely features, varying from top to bottom. She moaned when he found her breasts and squeezed them lightly and _he_ did when she let his fingers go through his lovely hair...

His blood was starting to run hot as his hands roamed over her curves and he decided that he was going to take her, in the drawing room as he didn't want to lose momentum.

He could take her against the wall, Anthony was proficient enough in making love to know that he could but wanted her to be comfortable, so he opted for the sofa.

The last couple of days she had been "indisposed" (writers note on her period) as she called it so eloquently and had preferred to sleep in her room which he didn't like but didn't want to start an argument over, but now enough time had gone by for her to not be 'indisposed'.

Anthony pulled her towards her and started walking backwards towards the sofa. Arriving there, he turned her in the right direction and let her fall, tugging at his belt before letting his trousers fall to the floor.

Wishing to touch her again, he lied back onto her body and began to pull the top of her dress down, succeeding in baring her chest to him but they heard a knock at the door...

Mara eyed him with alarm, but he gave her a reassuring look.

"Please go away" he shouted hoping that would be enough to sway to person from entering but there was a second knock.

"We don't need anything thank you; Charleston" Anthony said assuming it was the butler who wanted to know if he could assist in getting refreshments.

He then turned to stare at his lovely wife's body again and then couldn't keep himself from doing it as he bend to suck hard on her left nipple. She nearly screamed but had put her hand across her mouth, last second to prevent her from doing so.

"It's me... Colin" he heard and this time she froze completely and startled, placed her hands on his shoulders to 'stop' Anthony. He, however, was taken back but not too disturbed. He was not going to give up yet and hoped he could convince his brother to leave so he and Mara could continue with what they were doing.

"The same applies to you as well... GO AWAY" Anthony replied eager on continuing but she pushed him away in an instant, causing him to fall.

She gave him a pitiful, regretful look but there was a cheeky gleam in her eyes that he did not overlook. That little minx, he thought as he got up from the floor. Just, you wait we are alone, he thought.

Mara quickly got up from the sofa and readjusted her dress, to his dismay. He growled and had no option other than to admit defeat and stood up and pulled his trousers up. She signalled to him with her head that he could open the door now and Anthony did so with displeasure, then walked back towards the sofa where Mara was standing.

"Brother" grinned Colin. "How nice to see you" he said as he walked in.

"I wish I could say the same..." Anthony sarcastically retorted which amused Colin even more.

"Why? Am I interrupting anything??" he asked innocently, as if he hadn't realised what the two of them had been doing; after all, the evidence was clear. His older brother was not exactly someone who would put on red rouge on his lips of his own accord.

Anthony wanted to answer and say that yes, Colin did INTERRUPT something, but Mara interjected him before he could so.

"Of course, you aren't, Colin. Welcome, it is lovely to have you here" Mara said quickly, hoping that Colin would fall for the lie but knew he probably would not. Colin was one of those people that could read the room in an instant, intuitive as he was, instantly able to pick up on things others did not notice.

Mara chatted with him for a little while before it was time to excuse herself.

"I'll leave you two alone. Oh. Colin are coffee and sandwiches okay?" she smiled knowing Colin was always hungry.

"Please. I'm _starving_ " Colin said so convincingly one would suspect this handsome, strongly built man never ate but he did, all throughout the day.

"Certainly, I will inform Charleston straight away" Mara answered.

She nodded kindly to Colin and to Anthony, though her glance at him was a little... flushed and then left. Anthony gestured to Colin to take a seat and took one across of him.

They were silent for a moment before Colin couldn't help but exclaim what had been on his mind since he came in.

"I must say... Red is NOT your colour... No, not at all. You should try pink. It would suit you better," Colin chuckled, pointing to his brother's face. Immediately Anthony passed his lips with his hand and looked at the result, rouge on his hand. He took a handkerchief from his jacket and wiped it off.

"May I ask what the reason is for this this _lovely_ visit?" asked Anthony in an annoyed manner.

"Do I need a reason to see my favourite brother?" Colin retorted.

"I take it then that Benedict is not at home?".

Colin laughed at that and Anthony himself also had to chuckle, he found. The coffee and sandwiches arrived shortly afterwards, and Colin indulged himself.

"If you really must know... I'm here to invite you and Mara to dinner... Tonight at mums." Colin answered just after he had eaten two sandwiches. Anthony frowned as it was totally unnecessary to deliver this message in person as one could easily send a courier over but then understood why Colin was here.

"Am I correct in assuming that Lady Bridgerton has read Lady Whistledown's publication and sent you here to see how we are doing?" Anthony sighed and Colin nodded.

"Mother meant well," he said, and Anthony had to admit that she probably did.

"She was worried, but she'll be glad to hear there's no reason to be" said Colin with a cheeky smile.

"Indeed, there isn't a cause to be. Now was that all? I wouldn't want to take up more of your precious time nor do I want you to take up more of _mine_." Anthony stated impatiently, hoping he'd be soon rid of his visitor.

"Tssk, Anthony. That is not very hospitable of you but perhaps you're right and I should be on my way." he said, and Anthony glanced at the tray of sandwiches and saw there was none left.

They got up and walked together to the corridor where Mara also happened to be walking around and Colin addressed her.

"Mara, I forget to tell you that you and Anthony are invited for dinner tonight at our place..." She replied that would be lovely and that she couldn't wait.

"Oh, and another thing" Colin continued. Anthony looked at his brother in curiosity as he wondered what he was going to say.

"Your parents came to tea the other day and I finally got to meet Helena. Such a lovely child; so sweet. A joy to have around" he said, and Mara confirmed that she certainly was.

"All she could talk about was you and how much she missed you" Colin continued.

This had an impact on Mara as her smile vanished from her face. Mara hadn't visited her parents yet this week she realised, had forgotten to and she felt guilty for apparently her little sister had asked about her.

"I see, well then it might be a good idea to pay them a visit this afternoon, before we go to your mothers." Mara suggested.

"That is a good idea, dearest for we can't leave Helena without your presence for too long. I wouldn't want her to start disliking me." Anthony answered happily.

Inwardly he was boiling with anger. He didn't want Mara to go to her parents, no, he wanted to drag her upstairs, push her onto his bed, tear up her clothes and take her until dinner was served but alas.

"You can come along if you want" she offered him.

"Oh no... He has some work to do, you said that Anthony, didn't you?" Colin 'casually' mentioned as an excuse as he grinned once more.

Anthony didn't mind going to his in laws essentially. No, he got along well with them, especially with William. He and his father-in-law had great discussions about every topic; from politics to the weather, and both enjoyed a brandy and cigar while doing so.

But Henrietta Kensington could talk... and talk... and talk, she never ceased to speak. Never. There had been times that Anthony had felt completely drained after a visit and found that his throat was sore from replying to Henrietta's questions so much.

"That's right" replied Anthony, gritting his teeth, and doing his best to give his brother _'Oh, you're going down'_ glare but this didn't bother Colin one bit.

"Ah okay... I'll be off then" she said as he got her coat.

"I'll ask Mr. Kennedy to drop me off at your mother's house in the evening". Mara walked over to Anthony and gave him a peck on the cheek, told Colin she'd see him later and left.

And there were two brothers... standing there, one of which fuming, the other highly amused that his little plan to annoy Anthony had worked. One of his _favourite_ past times in his life was to mess with him and he couldn't let an opportunity go by for doing so.

"I believe it would be fair to give you a head start" said Anthony matter-of-factly as he crossed his arms. Colin glanced at him in puzzlement, not understanding what he meant.

Anthony bent forward for a moment and said only one word:

**"RUN".**

Finally understanding the message Colin sprinted towards the door and heard Anthony counting in the background.

"1, 2, 3.... Ten" he counted before he ran after his brother. Luckily for Colin, the latter had already reached the door and then quickly made his way to the carriage.

_One week later_

There was an exhibition of John William Waterhouse, one of Mara's favourite painters, at The Sullington Museum.

She was intent on going as she had missed it the last time because she had not been in town, aka London, yet. She had asked Emma to join her today, since Anthony refused to and mentioned "he had stared at boring paintings to last him a lifetime" but her son James had come down with the flu, so she had cancelled in the morning.

Mara still wanted to go however and therefore inquired if Benedict would come with, since Ben liked to talk about art, and she had an inclination that he liked to draw as well. She had once seen him hastily put away his sketchbook as she entered the drawing room, but Mara had not pushed the matter further.

Benedict said he might pop by to keep her company, but he had not shown so therefore she concluded that he might have been imposed elsewhere.

Mara didn't mind being alone, this way, she could linger as much as she wanted and made her way through the various foyers at a slow pace, marvelling at the beautiful work of this painter, who was so detailed and colourful and so true to life. Her favourite painting of his was "The Lady of Shalott" and she was just admiring it until she heard a familiar voice and she immediately woke up from her preoccupied state of mind.

"Hello Mara" said the voice, the voice she knew from thousands; that voice in which he had uttered sweet things to her, saying he loved her. It was unmistakably him. She turned slowly to face the person who had called out her name.

"Hello Henry" she said as her heart began to beat faster, more out of panic than anything else.

"What are you doing here?" she asked, and she could slap herself for asking this question for it was a stupid one for two reasons. First, he was obviously just as interested in the exhibition as she was. One of the things they enjoyed doing together was going to exhibitions together and had visited many over the year. Second... She suddenly remembered that the Carrington company; was probably the beneficiary behind this exhibit. Sponsoring these types of events was something they would frequently do and over the years they had even had a theatre named after them.

_(writers note in the series Anthony sees that Sienna will perform in 'Carrington theatre', hence the name._

He stood across of her with his hat in his hand, nervous it seemed, and that was not a trait she ascribed to him for he was always so sure of himself. but not today she figured.

"This exhibition is the most comprehensive in Europe, so I didn't want to miss it.," he said as he pointed to "The Lady of Shallot".

"And as you know, our company is a staunch supporter of the arts, among other things" he added with a little smile.

Mara nodded politely and looked at him briefly.

"Ah yes of course... how could I have forgotten? Well, the exposition is lovely... I hope you enjoy as much as I did... It was nice seeing you... I must- ".

"Can we talk for a moment?" he asked as he took a step forward.

This was the wrong thing to say, he should have given her the opportunity to retreat but didn't...

"I don't think that would we wise Henry, we might be seen." she said but the room was deserted at that moment. What timing.

"Only for a moment" Henry replied and pointed to the bench.... Apparently, she wasn't convinced yet as she didn't move.

"Just five minutes," he explained. "All I ask".

Mara pondered what to do... Her initial urge was to say "no" but then she decided that to grant his request hoping it would indeed take 'five minutes'. Mara e reluctantly walked over to the bench and sat down.

He did the same, on the same bench as hers and placed his hat next to him. There was enough distance between she reasoned but there wasn't to be truthfully, but Mara tried not to dwell on that though.

An uncomfortable silence passed between them and Mara pretended to study the pieces hanging on the wall.

"You've probably heard about my... impending divorce" he spoke, and her heart began to beat faster again. Mara swallowed the lump in her throat and nodded again but without looking at Henry and remained that way when she spoke, refusing to turn her gaze to his.

"I'm sorry... for you and... Lauren. I am truly. Despite what we've been through I wouldn't want either you or her to be unhappy," she stated valiantly. Henry had always loved that about her, the fact that she was so kind and could easily forgive and he missed that. her kindness, her loving disposition.

He missed her, he found, a _lot_ and should have forgotten about Mara, especially after marrying someone else but it was to no avail. She was already in his heart and he couldn't evict her from it, no matter how much he tried.

"You know... I had hoped to run in to here you here at one point. I have been here every day of the week. " he said softly.

Mara glanced at her former fiancée briefly and concluded that she hated seeing him like this, sad and vulnerable and seemingly lost. She experienced a vehement urge to hold him close and comfort him, just like in the past but... this was NOT an option. She could not.

"It will take a few months for the procedures to be over" he began to explain, looking at her inquisitively. She pretended not to notice because she had already averted her gaze from him again.

"In a few months I will be a free man... once more" he added hoping she would react but there was no reaction, so he needed to press on.

"I wondered if that fact might mean something... to you... perhaps", he pondered out loud. She turned her head, and he could see that she was puzzled.

"What do you mean?" she asked, even though she kind of knew what he meant.

"By that I mean that I hope that by that time you will too be... _available_." he said determined as if a completely normal thing to expect of her. Her mouth flew open in astonishment as she struggled to respond initially before recuperating and willing her limbs to move away from Henry.

Her intention was to quickly leave but he stood in front of Mara, effectively blocking the way, and towering over her with his long frame.

Yet she was able to step away and did not stop... walking.... She was a few metres from the exit until he grabbed her wrist and turned her to face him, his grip gentle yet strong at the same time.

"Don't you get it Mara? You must understand that... I couldn't love her... I _couldn't._ Because I love you. ONLY _you._.." and he paused briefly before continuing.

"I want to FIX this... I want us to be together again. You can divorce Anthony and we can get married... as we planned", he argued with a shaken voice, sounding so desperate she noted.

"Let _go_ of me, Henry" Mara commanded, trying her best to sound firm even though she was inwardly dying of fear. Fear that that someone would see them because that would be...

"Mr. Carrington... I have the pleasure of meeting you again I see" she heard and found Benedict standing not too far away from him.

Henry glanced at Mara and at Benedict before letting go of his former fiancée.

"Nice to see you too Mr Bridgerton" and he had pronounced the name as if he had just eaten something he did not like.

Benedict nodded civilly at the man who once punched his brother in their house.

"How are you today?" Ben followed up with, to diffuse the situation for he really didn't care about Mr. Carrington's wellbeing.

"Well thank you" Henry curtly replied.

"Ah... Good. Good. "Benedict said before focusing on his sister-in-law.

"Mara. My apologies! My previous appointment ran late. Would you mind terribly if we go back to the beginning and explore the museum together?".

"No, of course not. I'd love to," said Mara, who suddenly felt like bursting into tears. This afternoon could not have ended worse.

"Fantastic... Well, Mister Carrington. It was nice running into you again" Ben remarked. He reached out an arm to Mara so they could walk together.

Henry said "Likewise", not at all sincerely, watching the pair leave.

Damn it. He had gotten so close... but he wasn't intent on giving up... yet.

*******

The journey home in the carriage was painful, for both. Benedict may not have said anything, but he had shot her one or two doubtful glances, she noticed even though Mara pretended to look outside. When they arrived at her house, she got out, and a part of her wanted to go inside and hide somewhere in the closet but the majority knew she had to ask Benedict a favour.

"Ben. Please... Don't say anything to Anthony. Please," she pleaded.

Ben saw that his sister-in-law was about to burst into tears, and he felt sorry for her. He _liked_ Mara. She was good to his brother; he had been happier than ever in the last few months as everyone had noticed. More cheerful, not as grumpy.

Furthermore, she got on well his family members, played with the little ones, chatted with the older ones, which was no easy feat, as he sometimes found them to be extremely annoying himself.

He was about to assure her that he had no intention of informing Anthony, as this would undoubtedly cause a row between them and... it was none of his business anyway but....

"What should he not tell me?" asked Anthony, who suddenly stepped outside, probably to leave for a meeting.

Mara turned to him, startled, and this worried Anthony. He looked at Ben who was sitting in the carriage but avoiding his gaze.

"I'll see you later. Anthony. Mara. " Benedict said after a few, painful minutes, before signalling the coachman to leave...

"Mara, what is wrong?" he asked as he stepped forward towards his wife.

And at that moment, right there, Mara inwardly she cursed the day she had laid eyes upon Henry Carrington.


End file.
